Had a weird love-bombing throwback today......

by dubstepped 9 Replies latest jw friends

  • dubstepped

    My wife is having her first birthday party in July, and we're looking for a place to hold it. We found an Episcopal Church online that offered their fellowship hall for such occasions, and we went to check it out this morning. When we arrived they were having something in the hall and were setting up for it. I'm guessing a Mother's Day event, small and for the church members. My wife and I walked in and it started, just like the days of yore with the J-dubs. People were asking if we were new to the church, very friendly, but very friendly with that desperate look in their eyes like you would get when visiting a rural Kingdom Hall where they desperately wanted new blood. They offered us cupcakes and other snacks that they had out and were very welcoming, to be sure, but we both got thrown back to the old experience of walking into a new congregation.

    I do think we'll end up renting their place. My wife likes it, and she admittedly likes the thought of throwing a birthday party in a church hall just as a way of throwing it in the face of what her whole life has been like. It feels so wrong and so right at the same time. You only get one shot at your first birthday, and most people never remember theirs, but my wife wants one day to be just about her and to have fun and I want to make sure that she has it, even if renting places isn't cheap.

    I hope we don't have to agree to a Bible Study to use their rental hall, lol. That would be awkward.

  • Jse

    I wouldn't worry about them being friendly. I had the same experience when I visited a church with my cousin. I thought they were to friendly. It scared me. I went back the following week and the former pastor invited me over for a meal after church. By this time I was convinced it was love bombing. Later that week I went to there bible study group. The person who was overseeing the group told us about his wife having breast cancer. The following Sunday at church they called her before the church and showed GENUINE concern for her. It showed me they were like that to everyone.

    Later I checked out another church. Again they were to friendly. It scared me. I went back the following week for a service and went to a program in the evening. I talked with the head pastor and told him my concerns. He looked at me and said, "GonzoX you take as much time as you need." Those were the best words that he could have said. I felt relaxed. It told me they were after people and not after members. I have been going there ever since. I love going there. I now look forward to Sunday's.

    Find a church where they make you feel like your apart of a family and you will be happy. In time, if this church doesn't feel like home, then keep looking.

  • SafeAtHome
    What a sweet thought: "Most people never remember their first birthday", but your wife will get to remember hers! 🎂 Happy early birthday to her.
  • Sugar Shane
    Sugar Shane

    The Episcopalians are a very liberal protestant group, with a Catholic style of organization. If they were to produce a kid's video about 'two mommies,' I can guarantee it would be the polar OPPOSITE of the one just released by JW.org. It would probably show the girl's mommy saying, "well sweetie, what's important is that the child has a loving family, with parents who support her. Remember what Jesus said about children in Matthew 19:14?"

    Anyway, I don't think they were 'love bombing' in the cult sense. Maybe, a little, but they probably won't pester you with phone calls, or door knocking if you decide to sit in on one of their sermons.

    My Church, a Disciples of Christ denomination, stopped by and dropped off a loaf of homemade bread at my house, soon after I first signed their guest book. And that was about it. Btw, the bread symbolizes communion, for EVERYONE (not a select few).

    The United Methodist Church emails me their newsletter each week.

    All in all, love-bombing or not, the one thing I've personally noticed, is that upon 'moving' to a different church...going from Methodist to Disciples, for example, I have never been shunned. I still go fishing with a couple guys from First Methodist, and my old pastor still smiles and says "howdy," whenever I see him out walking my dogs.

    I think that churches/cults that engage in love-bombing are quick to flip the switch and do 'hate-bombing.'

  • dubstepped
    Let me make it clear here that I have NO intention of going to any church and am not looking. The trip to the Episcopalian Church was only to see about renting their detached fellowship hall for the birthday party. I'm glad to hear that at other religious entities they are maybe more genuine than the love bombing at Kingdom Halls, but it still gave me serious flashbacks.
  • dubstepped
    SafeAtHome: What a sweet thought: "Most people never remember their first birthday", but your wife will get to remember hers! 🎂 Happy early birthday to her.

    Thanks! I passed on the good wishes to my wife. She never had any friends as a JW as she grew up in a KH with no young people her age. She had 4 younger sisters and that was it. I love my wife and want the best for her and feel bad that she has always lacked confidence because of what her messed up parents and the organization did to her. She is the type of person that loves to be the center of attention and never has had that opportunity (other than parts on the TMS/assemblies and being bullied in school). She would have been in theater and plays if she had a fighting chance as a kid. We're doing our best to come up with fun ideas for her party so that she gets what she wants. We aren't likely to do a big party every year, but I want her to have fun and be herself and to realize that is okay.

  • FayeDunaway

    Dubstepped I think I would adore your family in real life!

    Yeah, don't worry...churches rent out their halls all the time and seriously Episcopalians are lovely people. I've met a lot and haven't met a nasty one yet :). They probably aren't desperate for you to join their church and wouldn't expect it. I've been to many events at Episcopal churches, they are especially open to renting out their facilities.

    My church gives outsider memorials and large group meetings non church related as well. There is a nice bee keepers monthly meeting for example. We are really friendly to these people but with no expectations. Don't be freaked out!

  • baker
    as a baptist kid, I loved the free meal every wednesday at their lunchroom, it was delicious. There was a small meeting after but mostly for singing and requests from anyone. So informal and made you feel good.
  • KateWild

    It's good that you have people to invite to a birthday party. I have celebrated my birthday twice since I left and the kids have too.

    It's always been very small and quiet.....no one to invite.

    Kate xx

  • The Rebel
    The Rebel

    Why do we celebrate a birthday?

    I celebrate my birthday and each family members birthday because we are here to celebrate another year. Many are not so lucky to be able to celebrate the next birthday. That's why I celebrate a birthday, and it has nothing to do with pride.

    The Rebel.

Share this