Reinstated and Still Shuned!

by new boy 17 Replies latest jw friends

  • new boy
    new boy

    I was at a wedding the summer before I left the JWs and I met an old friend. He had been reinstated for 6 months, he was DFed for 4 years. So it took him 3 1/2 years before they would let him back in. Because he had been an elder they wanted him to pay the full price.

    He had been an elder for 10 years before that, He had commited adultery with another "brothers" wife. Who he was now married to.

    I asked him how it was going. He said "not to good" "Why" I asked. "well" he said "I lost most of my friends, they just don't like hanging around someone who screwed up!" He said "They act like I have some kind of disease that maybe catching?"

    I said "Did you kill anyone?" "What?" he asked. "DID YOU KILL ANYONE?"

    "NO!" He said.

    "Well King David, KILLED some one and committed ADULTERY, and God could forgive him!" I said.

    "Well I guess I'm not King David" He said.

    "Yes by their love you will.....

  • DJS

    New boy,

    Not surprising. We all know how this cult works. No cult eats its own quite like the Dark Tower, and all of the behaviors he describes are either directly or indirectly taught and reinforced by the Evil Dark Lords.

    Makes me wonder why whatshername in another OP is considering re-joining this hate filled cult.

  • Lostandfound
    Human dynamic at work here, maybe friends of former wife feel some loyalty to her, or just plain ignorant people!
  • DesirousOfChange

    Silly boy, it's not HIM. All the WIVES don't want them around. His new wife "obviously" is a whore who would look for any opportunity to F%$K their hubby (and she's probably hot looking).


  • sowhatnow

    its true,

    out of a million good things we do, They never forget the one 'wrong' thing we might have done.

    even if we didn't do anything wrong, your looked down on for doing anything someone may feel was 'unnecessary'.

    its written down someplace, I assure you.

    hypocrites, they write a sickening article about hypocrisy and fail to apply it.

    they sure have rafters in their eyes.

  • DJS


    Some of that is human nature; all of that is Dark Lord nature. But you make a salient point. It reminds me of an old joke about an Irishman and a goat . . . .

  • blondie

    When I was a teenager, the WTS practiced the process of putting a reinstated person on probation for as long as a year where they were observed to see if the were repentant and then be dealt with again. This changed after 1972 when the practice was mentioned only as if individual jws thought it up and restrictions were applied.

    Older jws remember this practice and pass it on to others unofficially. Individuals can personally "mark" such individuals as long as they want. I saw one brother marked for 20 years; another until the new system because his first wife was still alive.

    Pardon the lengthy quotes but unless you were an older teenager before 1973, I doubt if you might remember it.

    *** km 3/75 p. 4 Question Box ***

    Question Box

    Are repentant wrongdoers “placed” or “put on” public or private reproof as if placed on probation?

    No. A reproof is a congregational expression of disapproval occasioned by a serious wrongdoing that could have led to the disfellowshiping of one of its baptized members if he had been unrepentant. (1 Tim. 5:20: Titus 1:10-13) Once that expression of disapproval is made, the reproof is complete. The individual does not enter a period of continued reprimand and so is not under reproof, “put on probation” as it were.

    Why, then, are restrictions in effect? Serious sin committed by a member of the congregation manifests spiritual weakness on his part. As a person who is physically ill may be restricted from eating certain foods or from engaging in certain activities until his condition shows marked improvement, so a person who is spiritually weak may be relieved of certain responsibilities in the congregation until there is evidence of his regaining spiritual strength. The restrictions are to a large extent intended to help the repentant wrongdoer recover from spiritual weakness and to impress upon him the importance of respecting God’s holiness.—Gal. 6:7-9; see or, p. 167.

    If a brother who has recently been reproved moves to another congregation, it is advisable to inform the elders of that congregation as to any restrictions that may be in effect. This will enable the elders in his new congregation to continue supervising the restoration of his privileges and to aid him toward full spiritual recovery. Of course, no announcement of such previous reproof is made in the new congregation. At all times elders should imitate the merciful way in which Jehovah dealt with his people even when discipline was needed.—Isa. 63:7-9.

    *** km 5/73 p. 8 Question Box ***

    ● When a person is given either a private or a public reproof for unchristian conduct, are terms or requirements then imposed that the individual must comply with?

    No, neither one privately reproved by the judicial committee nor one publicly reproved is given certain terms to comply with (as if he were on a form of “probation”). It is simply required that he conduct himself in harmony with Bible principles, as the others in the congregation do. The judicial committee may strongly recommend that the individual discontinue certain habits or associations that could lead to repetition of the wrongdoing, and, in accord with the individual’s needs, will give spiritual assistance and encouragement.

    When there has been serious wrongdoing, even though the reproof is not announced, any weight of responsibility in the way of special assignments in the congregation would be removed from the individual. (“or,” p. 167) When one is publicly reproved, the congregation would be advised as to what privileges have been removed. (“or,” p. 169) When the individual gives evidence of regaining his spiritual strength and stability, privileges can be gradually restored. The same applies when a disfellowshipped person is reinstated. (“or,” p. 177)

    If one who, for serious wrongdoing, was given either a private or a public reproof moves to another congregation before privileges have been fully restored to him, the judicial committee of the congregation to which he moves will determine when the gradual restoration of privileges may fittingly be made. (“or,” pp. 169, 170) Any further serious violation of God’s Word, of course, would be handled by the judicial committee where the individual now associates.

    *** w72 2/15 p. 126 Questions From Readers ***

    May a person who has completed a period of unannounced probation be recommended for appointment as a ministerial servant?

    Regarding ministerial servants 1 Timothy 3:10 says: “Let these be tested as to fitness first, then let them serve as ministers, as they are free from accusation.” An individual’s having concluded a stipulated probation period for wrongdoing does not of itself imply that he is “free from accusation.” It is not wise to entrust responsibility to such a person too soon. (1 Tim. 5:22) Enough time should have passed for him to establish that he has completely recovered himself from the weakness that was manifested in his wrong act or course. Over a sufficient period of time after the completion of the probation period he should have proved himself to be devoted to righteousness and as having genuine love for Jehovah and for his people. Others should be able to view him as a fine example in Christian conduct. So if he has really built up a fine reputation since completing his probation period, consideration could be given to recommending him to become, not an elder, but first a ministerial servant

    *** w67 2/15 p. 127 Avoid the Snare of “Saving Face” ***

    In most cases it is the unrepentant who insist on ‘practicing sin’ that are expelled, disfellowshiped from God’s organization. (1 John 3:4; 1 Cor. 5:11) ‘A man who takes some false step before he is aware of it’ does not fall into the class of such incorrigible sinners. However, there may be occasions, due to the seriousness of the sin, when the congregation committee finds it necessary to place a person on a probation of surveillance, as a helpful, corrective measure. Such probation is not to be viewed as some adverse judgment, something destructive of one’s “honor,” a penalty to be bucked against. Rather, it is a loving provision affording him opportunity to prove the sincerity of his repentance and at the same time to help the repentant sinner recover his spirituality and to make him strong again. Kindly counsel given during the probationary period will build the person up so that he will not make a ‘practice’ of sin. Rather than try to “save face” by protesting a probation, and getting others involved emotionally, one who has committed a sin should welcome this loving arrangement leading to his recovery.

    *** w59 9/1 p. 542 Questions From Readers ***

    Of course, the purpose of God in creating man thus was not to cause him to dream but for the purpose of multiplying the race by means of sexual intercourse. God having endowed man with this capacity, He has the right to circumscribe its use as well as the wisdom to indicate what is best. According to his Word, such sex relationship may be enjoyed with only one person of the opposite sex, one’s Scripturally married mate. All sex relations between unmarried persons are condemned as fornication and sex relations between married persons and those not their mates as adultery. For dedicated Christians the penalty for either of these is disfellowshiping from the congregation or at least a period of probation if there is heartfelt repentance.

    *** w58 9/1 p. 543 Questions From Readers ***

    May an anointed brother once disfellowshiped but now reinstated and on probation be used to pray at Memorial time?—C. O., United States.

    It is true that if a brother has been reinstated in the congregation after disfellowshipment and is on probation he may be served with the emblems of the Lord’s Evening Meal in order that he as one of the anointed followers of the Lord Jesus Christ may obey Jesus’ command to partake thus in remembrance of him. However, when the reinstated brother is put on probation it would mean certain restrictions are imposed upon him. He may not be used in a representative capacity to speak and act for the entire congregation. For that reason even though he may be the only anointed one in the congregation he should not be used in offering prayer at the opening or the closing of the meeting, nor in prayer pronounced over either of the emblems, any more than he should be used in giving the talk regarding the Lord’s Evening Meal. If his period of probation ends before the actual arrival of the celebration, then he could be used in offering prayer.

    *** w56 10/1 p. 595 par. 32 Marriage Obligations and Divorce ***

    32 In the case of a faithful husband, certainly he may be expected to put his wife on probation, closely watching her and helping her to keep from repeating sin, and the congregation will rely upon him to do so. Otherwise the congregation would consider him as not presiding properly over his own household and hence not qualified to hold any responsible office with spiritual oversight in the congregation. In that case, too, the congregation would step in, because he is not conducting his home affairs in a Christian manner, and would take action against man and wife. The person with whom the adultery was committed may be a member of the congregation. If so, that person must be disfellowshiped and thus stripped of service privileges and positions and Christian fellowship. If after disfellowshipment that one shows the fruitage of repentance and seeks to get back into the congregation, that one may be reinstated and put on a long probation, for at least a year, and then, being found on good behavior, he may be formally relieved of the restrictions imposed upon him and be fully received back.—1 Cor. 5:1-5, 13; 2 Cor. 2:5-11.

    *** w56 6/15 p. 383 Questions From Readers ***

    ● Speaking of those who partake of the Lord’s evening meal unworthily, the January 15, 1956, Watchtower said on page 60, paragraph 18: “So let him benefit by the corrective, disciplinary judgment that Jehovah gives him. Let him discern what he himself is, and reform. If he has been at fault, yet he should obey the command and eat the Lord’s evening meal, but do so discerning the Lord’s sacrificed body and asking forgiveness for his sin. Then let this celebration strengthen him to follow Christ’s steps more closely during the coming year.” Does this mean a disfellowshiped person should partake of the loaf and wine at the Lord’s evening meal?—M. P., Germany.

    This has no reference to persons that are in a disfellowshiped condition, but to only those who are continuing in the body of Christ but who are yet subject to sin and who therefore commit sins for which the sacrifice of Christ provides the basis for forgiveness. A disfellowshiped person is no member of Jehovah’s congregation and may not be served the emblems by those serving at the celebration of the Lord’s evening meal. Jesus did not serve Judas the emblems but sent him out of the house before instituting the Lord’s evening meal.—John 13:21-31; Matt. 26:20-25; Mark 14:10-21.

    If a disfellowshiped person desires to partake of the Lord’s evening meal he should show full repentance by going to the service committee of the congregation from which he has been disfellowshiped and let them examine him as to the sincerity of his repentance and his willingness to be put on probation. If he satisfies this service committee, then they may reinstate him and put him on a period of probation, and they will so advise the congregation. If he shows good deportment during the time of his probation and up to the celebration of the Lord’s evening meal, then he may be served the emblems at the celebration with sincere appreciation of God’s forgiveness through the things symbolized by the emblems. Then his participation in the Lord’s evening meal should strengthen him to continue on conducting himself properly through the rest of his probation period and onward after it has ended and the reinstatement is full and complete, no longer qualified by any probationary restraints.

    *** w54 9/1 p. 543 Questions From Readers ***

    Questions From Readers

    ● When does probation apply? Before disfellowshiping, during it, or after reinstatement?—L. D., United States.

    If a brother has done some wrong that merits disfellowshiping, yet the congregation committee feels that he should not be disfellowshiped because of his sincere repentance or other extenuating circumstances, rather than disfellowshiping him the committee might put him on probation. The committee would set the terms of this probation according to their judgment, having in mind the facts or needs of the particular case involved. If the erring brother complies fully with the terms of the probation for the period of time prescribed by the committee the probation may then be lifted and no disfellowshiping takes place.

    If a brother is disfellowshiped, however, he would not also be put on probation. He is cut off from the congregation and the congregation has nothing to do with him, exercises no control over him outside the congregation, puts no restrictions on him outside in the world. For the congregation to attempt to do so would be contradictory to the disfellowshiping action, which means there is a complete severance of relations between the disfellowshiped one and the congregation. He is not accountable to the congregation, and the congregation has nothing to do with him, tries to exercise no control over him outside, attempts no regulation of his conduct outside.

    If a disfellowshiped person shows sincere repentance and desires to be reinstated, the committee may reinstate him after the lapse of what it considers a suitable length of time. When this is done the committee may wish to impose some restraints and put the individual on probation. The committee may now do this, since the person has been reinstated and is again a part of the congregation, the congregation now having resumed dealings with the individual.

    Hence, in answer to the question, a person may be put on probation without disfellowshiping or after reinstatement from being disfellowshiped, but it is completely illogical for the committee to try to establish probation over a person they cast out and do not even have dealings with. They only talk to him if he comes to them to discuss the matter of his reinstatement. To illustrate, a person in society may break a law. He is convicted and sent to jail. He has been removed from the community; he is not on probation when he is disfellowshiped from society and held in jail. But when he is released and returned to society he may be put on probation and have to live under certain restraints and report regularly to some officer. Or it may be that when he is found guilty instead of being sent to jail sentence may be suspended and he is put on probation, never being removed from society. So also may it be relative to the Christian congregation. One final point. The foregoing does not mean that every offender must be put on probation without disfellowshiping, or that he must be put on probation after reinstatement. All of this is left to the judgment of the local congregational committee.

    *** w52 3/1 p. 143 pars. 21-22 Propriety of Disfellowshiping ***

    21 His getting reinstated in the congregation of God is a very serious matter, for him and for the congregation. The appointed servants may put him on probation if they want to. He will have to prove to the servants that he is going to behave himself in the future and act properly as a servant of Jehovah. They can test his sincerity. They should not reinstate him too quickly, even after he does repent and tells them what he is going to do, and makes an open confession. Why not? Because of public opinion. (2 Pet. 2:2, NW) His course of action may have been one of adultery and may have had wide publicity in the papers. Maybe he was put in jail for stealing. Maybe he was very rebellious. Maybe he went out and started a new organization and now is trying to come back. Well, all the people around the place know that that person was an obstinate, disorderly person, and not good company. So we should be careful as to how quickly we take such a person back into the congregation, because of what the “people on the outside” will say. (1 Tim. 3:7, NW) If a person commits adultery and is running around with men and women that are of loose conduct, and everybody knows it, and we say, “Oh, come on back, you’re welcome,” people on the outside will say: “Well, your whole congregation is of the same type.” So he has to be put on probation. His sincerity must be proved before we openly and fully accept his repentance.

    22 Remember the case of Shimei, who was put on probation. At one time he cursed David, and when Solomon became king as David’s successor certain restrictions were put around him. Solomon told him: ‘You ought to have been killed long ago. So now you must remain in the city of Jerusalem. But as soon as you go out of this city and cross the brook Kidron you are going to be put to death.’ Now, Shimei could have enjoyed his life and the favor that was shown toward him by staying right there in the city of Jerusalem. He had his slaves, the servants, and home. Three years after this order was given two of his slaves ran away. Shimei said: ‘Oh, I’m just going to get those fellows and bring them back.’ So he started out after them, crossed the Kidron, got his slaves and brought them back. Then it was reported to Solomon that he had left the city, and Solomon had him killed. Just to get two slaves back this man was ready to lose his life.

  • ToesUp
    Typical JW hypocrisy!
  • gma-tired2
    Blondie I remember. why we grew up afriad to be our true selves and we were marked for life.
  • new boy
    new boy

    P.S That friend of mine later left again but for good this time. He found out the hard way that there was never any real love there. As so many here have found out.

    No matter how much they want to think they are different then other religions they really are the same as everyone else. Judgmental and self righteous.

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