AND NOW, ANOTHER LITTLE TEST, BROUGHT TO YOU BY YOUR FRIEND FRANK WHO KNOWS ABOUT THIS KIND OF THING. AND ITS UNISEX, TOO.
Any of you over 50? Yes, I thought so. Well my friends, in that case, it's time for you to have a full-blown colonoscopy. None of those flexible sigmoid sissy tests, now. I'm talking about the entire magilla, the whole enchalada, all the way from the exit sign back over to the enter here sign. You know it's time and so do I.
I waited two years for my first one, and while I waited a friend who had no insurance was slooooooowly dying of colo-rectal cancer. He had gone to a quack in Atlanta who was treating him for parasites. Parasites! Can you believe it? By the time we, his friends, cajoled him into going to a real doctor and having a real test, it was too late. He was terminal. And it too him two years to die.
When I went for my test two years late, I had two polyps and both of those suckers were cancerous. Luckily, They were removed before they got into the colonic wall. Then I had to have a test every six months for the next 2.5 years. Smart me, huh?
There's nothing to be afraid of. Nothing hurts. In fact, you're not even present when the test takes place. They give you 2 mg Versid and 30 mg Demerol, believe me, you're in La La land.
What's unpleasant is drinking that gallon of prep stuff the day before some idiot named "Go Lightly". You'll be going, but it won't be lightly. I suggest you have the test on Monday so you can deal with this "Go Lightly" stuff on Sunday in the privacy of your own home.
So. Go do it all you over fifties. No excuses now. Go get the ride on the black garden hose now. If Jackie-O, and Audrey Hepburn hadn't been too high-falutin' to bend over and take it in the, um, you know, they'd be with us today.
So get to it. And no excuses. And that includes you too TJ, Logansrun, Refiners and all you other people who I so love to argue with. Whatever would I do without you?