You are a very courageous person as you deal with the difficulties leaving this cult and its indoctrination.
The most important I think is to be true to yourself and live according to your conscience, your deep inner feelings.
I see that you are looking forward to have children in the future. Being a parent and to lovingly care for a wonderful child is a very important and great blessing.
Take good care to it, that you create a new life, when you are ready for it and also when your partner is ready for it.
At that time I recommend you not to compromise on the wellfare of your children. For example if you are reinstated and faded, your parents will expect from you, to bring your children up in the JW way. If you won't do that and for example let your kids celebrate holidays etc. you can expect to be disfellowshipped again, even if you completely faded. Your family members could organize that the local elders will visit you, which would lead to that result.
And even if they don't df you, you would have constant pressure from your family to conform with JW teachings.
Only you know how to react in the situation you are in. Listen to your heart but also just think about different scenarios.
What if you let your family know, that you are a loving person living by conscience and moral principles and happy outside of JW world?
Then you can build up your own strong family with a loving partner.
Your parents and family will see and come to respect that you bring up your children with your conscience and moral principles free of the jw rules and indoctrination. Let them know that they are always welcome to have an important part in your and your childrens life.
