Between two worlds

by Skepsis 9 Replies latest jw friends

  • Skepsis

    Hi everyone,

    After knowing the TTATT I felt anger of all the lies I was told for years. Then, I did some changes in my life to the better. I was doubting but felt relieved. But now, I feel my fading is slowing.

    I have to go to the meetings for the sake of my family and still be serving as MS. Despite that, all the doubts became certainties but I have still to pay lip service to the religion, nodding to everything coming from the platform and what is worst, having to pronounce lies from there.

    At the same time, while I'm in this process of quitting the religion, I'm trying to adapt to the world. I made important changes (getting a better job, etc.) but I'm struggling with meeting new people. Also, I'm realising all the time lost in the religion. But being still inside makes me feel very sad. I feel like living in two completely different worlds.

    In fact, last week it was the birthday of one of my colleagues at work and they planned to buy a cake. Then, at the office they sang "Happy birthday". I rejected to sing other times but I wanted to do it this time. I started singing it but felt so bad after it!

    Don't know if it's normal for you who are fading now or faded in the past. I'm feeling so lonely. A colleague at work noticed it but I couldn't explain it all. How to explain it to someone that knows nothing about the JW world?

    Did you experienced the same during fading? How are you managing it?

  • scratchme1010

    Don't know if it's normal for you who are fading now or faded in the past. I'm feeling so lonely. A colleague at work noticed it but I couldn't explain it all. How to explain it to someone that knows nothing about the JW world?

    Did you experienced the same during fading? How are you managing it?

    Absolutely, and not only that, since I was born-in, and that's all I knew, it has been a long term process, not some thin that you just do once.

    I felt bad, and then felt bad for feeling good, then felt good, and every now and then those feelings crawl out of nowhere. It's negative influence I constantly have to keep in check. It doesn't discourage me from moving on.

  • DesirousOfChange

    Yes, that would bring a strange feeling. Within the last week or so I had to have minor surgery and the surgical center asks all patients to sign a release for blood/blood products if required. Giving my signature of approval on THAT was a real strange feeling!

  • OnTheWayOut

    My transition time was quick. I embraced TTATT and made a quick exit in a matter of less than 9 months, and one of the first things I did was resign as an elder to help the transition.

    My path was not the one all can/will follow, but it really made many things easier to just face up to difficult discussions and get outta there.

    I went through a tiny bit of turmoil about embracing worldly stuff that JW's are so against. In the end, I enjoy birthdays and gift exchange at Christmas, and don't mind lip service to anything else. I just like the idea that JW's hate something like wearing green on St. Patrick or a movie with ghosts or smurgfs in it.

    As far as coworkers, as soon as someone noticed the changevin me, I came clean and got everyone's support at work. Turned out great.

  • waton

    at the meetings make it your task to prove more and more how wrong they really are.

  • millie210

    I believe there is no one right way.

    Too many variables in our individual circumstances.

    You have accomplished a lot in just being able to see the religion for what it is Skepsis. I hope you give yourself a lot of credit for that alone.

    More and more of my family are showing signs of being unhappy with the religion. I cant take credit for that (although I am trying to wake them up) the religion is changing and not everyone is happy with those changes.

    I guess what I am saying is, hang on and be hopeful because life turns on a dime. Patience and a strong fortitude and knowing you (we) are not alone in this struggle.

  • What is Truth?
    What is Truth?

    Congratulations on waking up Skepsis!

    You've pulled the main cord on the matrix now life can begin getting interesting, and yet as you have noticed there are more cords to pull out or programs to dismantle.

    Myself I don't feel as lonely as when I was in now I can make friends with anybody no more us vs them mentality. Oh and now anytime I do something "against the rules" I feel a sense of satisfaction feeling the power they tried to take from me to make my own decisions. That being said I know a slow fade is painfully torturous on the nerves, the amount of times sitting at the hall that I almost lost my cool during a comment or talk and just rip that lieble in half and

    You're not alone, things get better keep working at it

  • Skepsis

    Yes, a lot of patience is needed to be present at meetings and with family and brothers. Sometimes it's hard not to say too much about what you really believe about the JW religion.

  • Pete Zahut
    Pete Zahut

    Yes, I can relate to all of the things you mentioned.

    I must say that from reading other people's post about this topic and looking back on my own experience, I'm of the opinion that there is more drama and fear on the part of the "fading" JW than is often necessary.

    For me, there was a huge sense of relief that occurred once I made up my mind to leave once and for all. I discovered that so long as I skirted my way around the initial questions and reactions from JW friends and family,most of them couldn't care less so long as you didn't make them personally face anything or feel uncomfortable. I found that most JW's don't really care about proof or facts or whether or what they believe is actually true so long as they get to anesthetize themselves from facing reality.

    The bigger deal you make of it, the more they will feel required to play the part of the loyal JW. If you seem nonplussed when they show concern about you gradually turning down meeting assignments or slowing down in attendance, they'll eventually get used to the idea.

    The more excuses, apologies and explanations you offer, the more they'll push.

    (After a period of time where you've been canceling out on assignments)

    You: Brother Elder, in terms of parts on the meeting, you'll need to do without me for a while.

    Elder: What's going on there something wrong.

    You: No, not at all...this is voluntary work and I'm taking a break from it for now.

    Elder: Well we need you to help out, I've already got you down for several assignments.

    You: Well It's never going to be convenient is it? But as I said, I'm a volunteer and I'm discontinuing my duties in that capacity for now.

    Elder: There must be a reason for all of this.

    You: Once again, I'm fine...I'm simply discontinuing my volunteer duties for a time.

    Elder: I'm Going to have to talk to the other Elders and we may have to make some kind of announcement.

    You: If you want to be that formal about it, that's entirely up to you, anyway, I just wanted to let you know so you can go about finding a replacement.

    No excuses, no apologies, or explanations just a clear and direct message made with full eye contact, that you will not be doing parts in the meeting. You'll have to get used to not jumping in with an excuse or explanation during the awkward silences between questions. No looking down at the floor or body language the gives them the signal to treat you as if you're doing something wrong.

    Make it clear to them that this is how it is, no if's and's or buts....they'll have to get used to it. They may be a little concerned about you but mostly they're concerned about how this impacts them and about how to get you to go back to doing what they want you to do.

  • sparrowdown

    You are essentially leading a split life this will produce inner conflict that's normal. I think we are happiest if there is as little gap between our internal world and our external world as possible. That takes time.

    Hang in there slow and steady.

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