I got a migraine and became sick to my stomach and vomited. I was a classic example of cognitive dissonance in action. It took me many months to accept the facts. 
How We Felt When We Discovered TTATT!
by The Searcher 13 Replies latest social humour
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4thgen
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biblexaminer
I kinda always knew, but I went along thinking things will change. Even as I dated my wife, in the months before we were married, I told her about how the society was so wrong on many of things.
I even went before the CO and told him. Surprisingly, he reacted positively and because I told him about the things that were wrong, he recommended me for appointment. And I wasn't even trying. LOL so figure that one out. Hahaha
However, really knowing came in stages. One big stage was when I was reading "In Search of Christian Freedom."
When I got to the part where Lloyd Barry was responsible, by changing his vote, for all those young brothers (with families) going to prison, I openly prayed to God for Lloyd Barry to die.
You can figure out when I was reading this book and praying like that. Just find out the day Lloyd Barry died and count back eight days.
True story.
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Half banana
For me the big thing was realizing there was no God. ( I never believed in 1914 since the reasoning was so convoluted and unconvincing) For years, even as a pioneer, I had interpreted the figure of the Devil as a melodramatic literary persona and not a real thing.
I was in my office at home one day reading the philosophy of Kierkegaard and it hit me: ok the devil is fiction... but neither is there a God. The whole religion thing functions whether god exists or not. The Watchtower and all religions are a sham. This was the turning point from which no return was possible.
I was glad I had had the realization but worried for my family. I faded successfully without immediate reprisals, then it was announced that I was no longer one of Jehovah's Witnesses but was then treated as a disfellowshipped individual. In my family's eyes I had joined the devil's party. My wife had moved from normal "other sheep" mode to "anointed" mode and had a nervous breakdown, the children were badly affected psychologically and the marriage was over.
Even with those dire consequences, I would rather live according to my conscience as a free agent than be beholden to the Watchtower's insidious cult regime.
One of my sons has left the borg and is enjoying an adventurous life, two offspring yet to leave.