Has she left yet?

by Elsewhere 6 Replies latest jw friends

  • Elsewhere

    When I was a little kid my friend's older sister was DFed and lived on her own. On one weekend I asked my mom if I could go over and visit my friend, but she said no. I asked her why and she told me it was because Jenny (Not her real name) was at my friend’s house visiting and because she was DFed I could not go and visit until she left.

    I called my friend's house and his mom answered. I asked when Jenny would be leaving (yeah, sickening when I think back). She said that Jenny would be leaving "this afternoon" (It was around 12:00 at the time). I said, ok and hung up.

    About an hour later I called again... his mother answered again... and I asked if she was still there. She said yes... but with a little bit of frustration in her voice.

    I did this again about 45 minutes later... same thing... more frustration in her voice.

    I did this again about 45 minutes later... again... same thing.... and I could tell she was getting very upset.

    Oddly enough, at the time I could not understand why she would get upset at me... she, after all, was the one with the awful DFed person in her house. She is the one who said that Jenny would leave "this afternoon". In my mind that meant before "evening"... and it was getting to be around 4:00... Pretty well in to "evening" as far as I was concerned.

    Thinking back I regret this exchange... it really was awful on my part, but as a JW I did not see it that way.

    Years later my friend's mother got DFed... all I ever heard was that she was being a "Jezebel". I guess that means that she was thinking on her own and the elders did not like it. Sometimes I think back and hope that I may have had something to do with her opening her eyes. Her husband (anointed / elder) was DFed with her for defending her. He was reinstated a few years later, but she stayed DFed for many years. They divorced and went their separate ways.

    She ended up joining the conspiracy theory crowd... NRA, guns, anti-government, new world order... the whole bit.

    Then, all of a sudden... shortly after 9/11, guess what? She went back to the elders to be reinstated. Very sad... she was scared back into the bOrg.

    Since then family will, from time to time, remind me that she returned after all those years... maybe I will too they say. Yeah right! When they say that it sounds like a cartoon super-villain saying: "Muahahaha! You can never escape! Muahahahaha!"

    We will see. My money says that they will never see me again.

    Every now and then I think back and regret that exchange… “Has she left yet?”

  • bluesapphire

    I'm glad you shared that today. It really shows the mindset of those who lack love. Isn't it weird how you as such a little boy were being taught to hate? My bet is you stay out.

  • shamus

    I, too, have things that bother me to this day.....

    Being a goody goody like I was, I told on a young brother. He was 17 and went to a strip bar called "Pinky's".... just to see the ladies, of course. He was not baptised, but handled the mic's.

    Lo and behold, I told the elders about him. What an ass I was. He left the troof and never returned.... not that that's a bad thing....

    That still bothers me to this day. I guess what I'm trying to say, Elsewhere, is that you are not alone in feeling guilt all these years later. Honestly, I would like to apologize to the family regarding my behavior....


  • unbeliever

    After 9/11 my mom thought there was a possibility I would come back.

    She thought the same thing this past March when the war started.

    She does not know me very well.

  • Swan

    Thank you Elsewhere. That was a very good.


  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee


    The worst guilt we carry is that which we inflict upon ourselves

    Time to forgive yourself I think

  • Shutterbug

    Elsewhere, and others, who may be a victim of self imposed guilt, work on your shoulders until they slope toward the ground and let that sh** slide right down and away from where you are standing at the time. I know all about guilt. As a dub I felt guilt about everything, and this was advice I heard from a Viet Nam Vet who had for years carried around a lot more guilt than any of us ex dubs. Bug

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