What happens when you leave.....fade out...disappear?

by Zoewrex 7 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Zoewrex
    Zoewrex

    So I'm considering having a 'talk' with my Father about being a JW (maybe giving him C of C) and all that I'm finding about the WTS. There are many levels to this and I was wondering what happens when you fade out?

    What was 'that' feeling replaced with for you?

    They have never had friends before, now they won't. And I would hate to be 'responsible' for that. I don't want to crush all they're trying to believe in (I know they're trying to do that to me) and give them nothing in return. Maybe the answer is - they have to fill that hole with something they have to find.

    Just wonderin'

  • cruzanheart
    cruzanheart

    Well, I think when you fade you start looking around the real world and realize what glorious possibilities there are. For me it was time: time to spend with my children, to blow bubbles in the driveway and watch the sun set, even to explore the decadent thought of -- gasp! -- after-school activities. My relationship with my dad, who was disfellowshipped at the time, didn't really change at all. I didn't make a big deal out of it, though Big Tex was able to get him to read "Crisis of Conscience" (which he agreed with, by the way).

    It's been a year and I don't think anyone in the congregation has noticed I'm gone . . . . Good luck!

    Nina

  • Carmel
    Carmel

    "that feeling" generally is pure emotion, either promulgated by stories about the "baby Jesus" or the "blood of Christ" references are eventually replaced with other emotions ranging from hostility to disgust. Hopefully lived through your irrationality, your rational side will overcome your right brain and logic and reason will prevail.

    caveman

  • shamus
    shamus

    Your life does not crash all about you. You look at the world a new way. Your eyes become open. You begin to live. You begin to see what human beings are.... not walking corpses, but loving people who only want good in the world.

    It's the best thing that can happen to a person.

  • Panda
    Panda

    While I wrote a letter saying "I am outta here" my husband and a few friends who happened to be leaving at the same time decided to drift away. I think the elders felt relief that no one (publicly) could talk to me. My husband had already stepped down from eldering and he eventually read Crisis of Conscience. I never asked him to read it. But he faded away and no one really paid attention. I think that fading is good and less emotional than writing a DA letter or getting DF'd . For me I was so busy starting grad school that I didn't miss the borg. I was sad that so many people who'd claimed to luv me could easily turn on me. My husband had no problem missing "friends" because he saw how I was treated. But in order to reconsile his beliefs took time. He came to a sense of believing in the Bible and christianity but in a loving god. So that was ok with me too. His replacement wasn't a replacement at all, he simply became the christian he always was anyway.

    I think fading is easier if you have some new friends and activities to de-borg.

  • Zoewrex
    Zoewrex

    Thank you all so much for sharing your experiences. My parents joined for 'logical' reasons and so I plan on appealing to that side of their thinking and they may or may not snap out of this. Their 'friends' on the other hand are all 2nd generation JW's and have entrenched themselves in the borg & the KH. I do hope they will find somethiing else to enjoy.... Visit Smiley Central!



  • RR
    RR

    Situations differ from person to person, withoutv getting into details, I left because I grew spiritually stagnant, and for the last two years with the WItnesses had literally been studying the scriptures with another group that were more in line with my beliefs.

    I had no immdiate family members who were witnesses, but I was married, fortunately my wife shared my beliefs. But we did live with my mother-in-law, who eventually threw us out of the house. We were content with becoming inactive and fading away, she made it more difficult, and because of it, she lives alone and miserable, while we live 50 miles away.

    I stepped down, became inactive and when we moved we faded away, that was over ten years ago in that time, we had our ups and down, but the Lord saw us through it. We have a 6 1/2 year old daughter, and we're expecting our son in November [We were expecting twins, [a girl AND a boy] but the girl had a heart problem and four months into the pregnancy, her heart stopped and she died.]

    I still live a JW type life, that is, I go to work and go to church, but without the strain. I get to spend time with my family, go on vacation, or long weekends without having to worry about the meetings or having to answer to others why I'm missing meetings to go away and do "worldly" things.

    I still live a decent life, and worship God the best I can, I have friends I can count on, I've renewed old pre-Watchtower friendships, and made new ones.

    I think the problem arises when we just throw the baby out with the bathwater, and decide we need to catch up on what we missed out on. I think for many if not most, those days or partying and having a good time is past, there comes a time when you grow up and settle down.

    Some of us have left the Society much later in life and decide to catch up, I think it's silly to see 30, 40 and 50 year olds trying to catch up to the youth lost.

    So is their Life After the 'Tower, sure, I think so!

  • Zoewrex
    Zoewrex

    RR - I still live a JW type life, that is, I go to work and go to church, but without the strain. I get to spend time with my family, go on vacation, or long weekends without having to worry about the meetings or having to answer to others why I'm missing meetings to go away and do "worldly" things.

    I still live a decent life, and worship God the best I can, I have friends I can count on, I've renewed old pre-Watchtower friendships, and made new ones.

    You're the best! It must have helped to have your wife on your side!

    I wish you and your wife much success with the upcoming birth of your son and am truly sorry to about his twin sister. You & your wife must have been in so much pain and yet must stay strong for the new baby and your 1st daughter. Please extend my congratulations on your wife’s pregnancy. There're so many women who would give anything just to feel or be pregnant – even for one day. Knowing that doesn't make things go away, but it does remind us the joy of knowing - will one day outweigh the loss.

    As a male and the spiritual head of the family, and responsible for spiritual growth, how can a family be divided by the WTS? And wouldn't the same reasoning work in reverse for Christians married to JW's?

    After watching my JW parents for a year...and after falling flat on my face (a story for another thread) I too made a conscience decision to become more Christian in my behavior and life. Like them I wanted to become a better person for myself and as an indirect result - be an example. Maybe that’s why I’m concerned for them and I’m trying to place the shoe on the other foot so to speak.

Share this

Google+
Pinterest
Reddit