Family dynamics and cult influence

by longgone 9 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • longgone
    The following incident is nothing unusual to any JW, but I wanted to add on to the list of reasons to never join, and sympathize with those stuck in it, and again a reminder that you can never get away from the mayhem when you have family still in. In a recent conversation with my JW sister who I love very much, I was reminded how complex and abnormal relationships can become within a Jehovah's Witness family.Families relationships can be difficult with any religion or none, but once we throw in the various labels and restrictions within the JW family it becomes really cultish. No one outside it could begin to understand. In the following case it's within an extended born- in family group. I'll try to keep this short. There are those active, or inactive, or maybe a Witness who married an "unbeliever." You are treated differently depending on which of the above. Let's add those currently df'd and those who were at one time, but have been reinstated. Is the person baptized, or never "made the truth they own." Living a double life? Does this or that one special privileges, or have they "stepped down?" It goes further, are they spiritually weak, or never baptized, if they were never baptized they might get limited association regardless of their behavior. Yet at least they can included in family activities, but of course if you were baptized at ten years old and were disfellowshipped at sixteen, there will be no invitation. But the children are invited if they attend meetings. It gets plain ridiculous and this is just the tip of the iceberg. Here's a small example from the conversation I mentioned at the outset.My youngest daughter who was never baptized, and who hasn't gone to meetings for years, and does multiple things a Witness would be kicked out for is having a baby. Simple right? No. My other daughter, who was disfellowshipped, then reinstated, yet never attended one meeting after that, had her baby *while disfellowshipped.*So now, my sister says she feels bad that she can buy an (expensive) gift for the never baptized one, but didn't get anything for the other because she was disfellowshipped at the time. Huh? Yet, not long after the birth of my grandchild she sent a long letter to the never-a-Witness husband with advice on how to raise him (her great nephew, my grandson, in case your getting lost, and even still reading, lol ) then also added that hopefully the df'd niece would return to the organization. I'm speechless. My daughter and I decided that though doubtless, well intentioned she counted the time for her pioneer report! Well, that particular part of the conversation probably took ten minutes, then it moved on to her strained relationship with our two never baptized sisters, and the maybe gay relative. All of the different JW status above we're also included.Exhausting to read, and it was so hard to get through. I did learn one important thing, that unfortunately I will be sticking with the occasional text and email. That was actually our first conversation in months as I've been keeping under the radar for the past year. I'm only getting away with unofficial shunning because I live so far away. 😕As I said it's just not normal, and anyone even considering becoming involved with Jehovah's Witness, for the sake of yourself and your family, please erase that idea from your mind while you can still think for yourself. 😮 The End. 😮
  • just fine
    just fine

    Agreed, it is all so silly. I moved far away from my family and it's really for the best. My parents do speak to me because I was never DF but they shun their grandchildren who are DF. You can't ever keep track of all the self imposed rules.

  • Awakenednow
    its Alice in wonderland... hard to believe I was living it 40 years. Nicely summarized longgone. How ridiculous it all is in hind sight.
  • freddo

    Hypocrite elder in our hall has contact with and welcomes into his home his son (who is baptised but who slipped out from jwland "under the radar" twenty years ago - with the Daddy elder keeping his mouth shut and playing craftily by the jw elder book "inactive" rules to what he surely knew was going on) who lives with his "partner" and has a teenage child with her.

    Right across the street from said baptised "under the radar" son lives the lady who went to a works Xmas party and who was "unrepentant" and DF'd by said elder and two cronies.

    So when Daddy visits son and grandchild - if DF'd lady is in the garden then Daddy will shun her like the true JW hypocrite he is.

  • exjwlemming

    Great post! The JW family dynamics are tremendously exhausting! Your post magnified the "theocratic politics" that weave through families, immediate and extended, for generations. Throw in some divorces and remarriages and it really is exasperating. I'm sure that many on the forum have experiences such as yours...maybe even worse. Many families are so messed up over the JW minutia of BS.

  • jp1692

    Jehovah-land be crazy, LG. The lunatics are running the asylum.

    Suggestion: paragraph breaks would make your post easier to read.

  • longgone

    You're right jp, thanks for the reminder. 😊

  • jp1692

    You're welcome, LG. We want to read your posts!

  • smiddy

    I know , its very hard to comprehend the logic of a die-hard , true-blue Jehovahs witness

    .I think a study of their brains might elicit some valuable information by Physchologists ,physchiatrists or nuerologists ,surely something must be amiss .

    Take care Lg

  • Chook

    And then they say we don't have clergy class, our bishops at Warwick have class distinctions all the way down to the bed night stories the children brainwashed with.

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