Welcome Dreamerdude. I am glad you posted. I hope you stay healthy and happy as you fade and hopefully get your wife out too.
Waking up - introduction
by Dreamerdude 72 Replies latest jw experiences
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RichardHaley
Welcome Dreamerdude and wish you the best.
Our situations are similar, my wife is still in but is starting to see much of the cult for what it is. I have been up front with her from the beginning but didn't push any issues with her unless she starts the conversation. Like most women the child abuse is a hot issue for her. She didn't have much trust in the elders as it was but knowing they wont warn members who the predators are in the cong really pisses her off. She feels being vague with local needs or marking talks is bs in this area. We have a df daughter and some have told her that she needs to treat her as if she was dead. She is not buying that whatsoever. The stupid way members and even the gb are acting is doing more to wake her up than I could ever do.
Just take your time and move at your own pace and things will work out. Become a ghost in the cong if you still have to go. When you go show up late, leave early, don't comment... it doesn't take long and no one will even notice. There is always grand-standers waiting to move into the void left by you.
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Dreamerdude
Free mind, thanks for the awesome advice. I completely agree that each individual has a right to their own beliefs and I am determined to be happy and healthy. But I do need to work on my doubts about the cult. It is so deeply ingrained that it is hard to root it out of my authentic personality or even to be aware of it.
I have also learned to let my wife take the lead in being critical, since there is so much available for her to see and hear. Sometimes I need to listen very carefully to pick up on subtle criticism. I really want to encourage her critical thinking skills, but have seen that it can be dangerous to agree too enthusiastically with her criticism, since she can knock herself into cult mode. Poor thing. I am so glad to be locked out of that mode.
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cofty
Welcome Dreamerdude. I think the more visible the GB become the more harm they will do to their own cause.
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Dreamerdude
Listener, thanks. I appreciate many of the topics you have started. I scour them for clues about how to distance myself from the cult, while keeping my wife. -
Dreamerdude
Richard, thanks. Now that my eyes are open, it is hard to see how women put up with the abuse and misogyny. Yet they make up 65% of JWs in the US, according to Pew, and the proportion is getting more extreme. At the midweek meeting, which I try to avoid, it is about 80% where I am. It's like a ladies club where the women have no leadership role, and they get dissed constantly. -
Dreamerdude
Cofty, you're right about the GB. The more they get in people's faces, the easier it is to see their foibles and narcissism. Even my wife laughs at Lett's clown faces, she frowns at Herd's open disdain for women, and she scowls at Morris' surly attitude. -
Dagney
Welcome Dreamerdude!
The mere fact your wife heard the ARC is big. She can't un-hear what she has heard. Hopefully sooner rather than later her observations of what she is hanging on to, the paradise, will show to her how inconceivable it really is. It's hard to let go of that dream...but it really is a crazy dream when you really stop and think about it.
All the best.
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wannaexit
it is so good to know that I am alone. However, I am very sad that my wife is still completely deluded and reacts so dramatically when I occasionally ignite her CD. I empathize with her, because I too suffer the pain of CD, when the things I was taught to believe collide with the recognition of reality.
Don't be too sad about your wife. There are many experiences here of wives that eventually came around to see the situation without her rose colored glasses. I was one of them. It took a long time but eventually I "saw" too.
Welcome to this wonderful community.
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Welcome!
