I have been lurking on the site for a few months and thought it about time I plucked up the courage to step out of the shadows and say hello.
I am in the process of fading after realizing all is not right with the organization I had trusted implicitly for over 40 years.
There have always been 'truths' I have struggled to accept entirely, even as a child, but was confident that trusting in Jehovah, building my faith and remaining patient would be enough to settle any nagging doubts that remained, so I pushed any inconsistencies to the back of my mind and concentrated on being the best Witness that I could be.
Over the last few years, however, I have been preoccupied with a number of crises in my family and stepping back slightly from 'theocratic' activity has allowed me to re evaluate a number of concerns and research sources other than the sanitized WT publications.
My eyes are now wide open - I found things which have appalled me and left me feeling extremely let down and disappointed by people I had really trusted.
I tried gently raising a few subjects with my mum (who was baptized early '70s and still remains a staunch WT supporter) but she will hear no criticism of the organization. I understand this because the best part of her life has been invested in the religion and to acknowledge it may have got things wrong would be to recognize the last 40 years have been a vain waste. It was a struggle for me to come to terms with this also - I would have done so many more worthwhile and better things with my time. I will try to make up for this when I finally have the courage to leave for good.
I realize it will not be an easy road. I am trying to fade gradually so at least my friends and family will be able to talk to me, but I am under no illusion that those friends, some of whom I love very dearly, will still associate with me when I stop attending all meetings.
I am now getting the occasional "are you ok?" texts and "we haven't seen you for a while, have you been ill?" comments. I wondered if anyone could suggest any suitable words I could use to reply to well meaning friends when they ask why I have been missing 3 out of 4 meetings every fortnight. I have no wish to upset or offend people by telling them to mind their own business and I don't want to make up excuses either.
I'd appreciate any advice.