Just a little bit depressed .... so I went for a walk - a walk into the beginning of my JW life

by fulltimestudent 5 Replies latest jw friends

  • fulltimestudent

    I seldom feel depressed, but I did yesterday. Not sure why?

    Possibly, its because I'm likely going to graduate next year and I feel somewhat lost. The goal I've had for the last 8 years to improve my understanding of the China-Asia nexus, will have been accomplished. It's not, of course, as learning never ends, but it will continue in different circumstances.

    But this story is not about my studies, but about my first experiences as a JW.

    Anyway, with that feeling of sadness hanging over me, I decided to go for a long walk. And, I wanted a different venue to all my local walks which are usually along Cooks River (for any other Sydneysiders). I finally decided to start at the northern end of Leichhardt and walk along the shores of Iron cove, simply because it was along a waterfront.

    A big mistake!

    I got off the tram, walked toward Leichhardt Park Oval and crossed Lilyfield Rd, looked back and saw the house Lil Thompson had lived in. Lil was a elderly stalwart sister in the congregation, who'd changed her calling from being one of the anointed to being an O.S. She often encouraged the young newbie that was me, with stories about how wonderful the paradise would be. Long dead now of course, and still no paradise earth. (grimace), and the realisation that there will never be a paradise.

    50 metres further and two houses became visible. On belonged to Sis Vi Webster, a sister with a sharp tongue. Her husband, Harry had been the accountant for 2HD, the Newcastle radio station that the WTS owned. Plenty of stories about 2HD in Newcastle, where I later pioneered. The WTS (or, was it the IBSA, I forget) sold advertising to pay for the costs. So some brothers became salesmen. And like a lot of sales people, they entertained their clients on the weekend. The local brother's told stories of everyone being drunk at these parties. Whatever else Harry saw, I never heard, but he no longer wanted much to do with the JWs.

    They had a daughter, Narelle, who I found attracted and went out with her a few times. But Narelle had more exciting guys than a boring young JW, and was disfellowshipped a little later for committing adultery with her art teacher.

    My mood was not improving.

    In the next door house, Arthur once lived. Disfellowshipped eventually for being an SP bookies (illegal then) clerk, he married Hilda, niece of previously mentioned Lil T. They took a young Chinese student as a boarder. Arthur was a bit violent toward Hilda, and eventually she was disfellowshipped for committing adultery with the student.

    Not good memories of YHWH's spiritual paradise.

    Around the corner I passed the house where one of my bible studies had lived. He was about my own age. His mother had became insane and he gradually slipped into erratic ways also.

    A 30 minute walk brought me to Rozelle, and the street and house where a group study I conducted was held. The house was owned by a German migrant brother, who also become morose and paranoid and turned very violent ending his life in a confrontation with the police.

    So I caught a bus home, my mood worse than when I started.

    Why had I been so stupid as to waste 40 years of my life.

  • Listener

    Some of the Australian Bro. were making a good living off the Watchtower until Knife came and put a stop to it. It sounds like they became quite inventive in money earning activities, including the advertising you mentioned.


  • LisaRose

    We all have our difficult memories, and choices we made that we wish we had not. You have to reflect on the fact that we did eventually learn more and make better choices and we did free ourselves when many did not.

    Look forward, not back, my friend.


    I agree with LisaRose - What you have been through is merely a Wintery period of life .........After Winter comes Spring ........regardless of our age ! I was taught this valuable lesson by a Buddhist at a time when I was trapped in a severe depression [30 months] in 2010 ! She was right - I am now in the Summer /

    The season of your life will change.

    btw If I or any here on this forum can assist and support you further don't hesitate to communicate ! Just PM and I will link you to my contact details.

  • Phizzy

    I find it a real downer if I start to dwell on my wasted time in the JW cult. I had little choice as a kid, born in. I nearly dropped out of it in the early 80's, when I was in my 30's, but being pre-Internet, I dd not have the right information come my way, and did not have the knowledge that such information was out there, if only I searched for it.

    I felt I was the failure, not being a good JW. I was stuck in for 58 bloody years !

    Now I just look at what I have each day, freedom of mind, a lovely family etc etc

    And I am determined not to let regret mar the last years of my life. Maybe try to distance yourself more from your JW past, maybe have a rest from this Site for a while. but come back soon.

    I wish you well, may your future be happy and fulfilled.

  • DesirousOfChange

    Why had I been so stupid as to waste 40 years of my life.

    I was caught up in that thought and the anger that it invoked for the past few years. I'm now trying to determine what it is that makes me happy and pursue those things. . . . Doc

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