Question about an elder and if I am crazy

by life is to short 40 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse

  • Heaven

    LITS said: then tells me that he had to convince this mom that the child molester was OK to be around kids.

    LITS, I have to agree with what everyone has said. You are not crazy, and you have every right to be upset. Also, this statement ... just WOW! Are they actually letting this guy be around kids? If so, I would go to the police. This child molester has just been given free rein.

  • Tallon

    @ LITS

    Sorry to read of your terrible experience. It is brave of you to put this in writing and post on the forum. That in itself is a huge step going forward.

    May I ask; have you told all of this to your husband and is he aware of the real impact it is having upon you?

    As Zeb alluded to, it would be advisable to have a few sessions with a therapist / counsellor. No, you are not crazy however, this has been going on for far too long and you need to address this 'depression / anxiety' in order to move forward with your life.

  • scratchme1010

    So this one elder who I thought was friends with my husband and me and who is married and we have had him and his wife to dinner and even taken them out to dinner. He turns into being one of the biggest supports of the child molesters.

    First, I'm sorry that you're going through such difficult times. Second, no, you are not crazy; they are a bunch of inappropriate disgusting men, covering up for a pedophile. The WT does not care about the well being of children, period. Their decisions and actions are based in covering their own interests and carrying on with their nonsense as much as they can.

    Unfortunately, you are experiencing precisely what that main issue with child abuse is, which is how willing people are to cover tings up and protect the pedophile instead of the children. Those people's behaviors are completely inappropriate, maybe illegal.

    Question, are you in the USA? If so, is that pedophile guy a registered sex offender? If so, since you have now been labeled and treated as the problem instead of humanitarian help, are you willing to continue in your position? If so, are you willing to report the guy to the police if you know and have evidence that he's around children? Are you willing to deal with the aftermath of that in the congregation? Do you have the support of your husband in that respect? Where is he standing with that, is he with you, does he see the same thing that you see?

    As for the creepy elder, use the word harassment every time he addresses you for anything. He is an inappropriate creep. He has no business addressing you. You can use their own system against him and tell him that he's no allowed to talk to you without your husband present.

  • biblexaminer

    This poor sister is suffering, but a lot of that she brings on herself. She continues to engage these Pharasees.

    I would tel her, sister, they can't hang you on a cross. (Rome won't cooperate these days) Stop giving them power over you. I could be specific it's sure, but I think you are smart enough to fill in the blanks.


    There's nothing wrong with you. Just stop and ponder the MASSIVE Pedo issues that are coming home to roost for the WTBTS. You are not the problem.

    If you have to go to a meeting once in a while, to keep peace in your home, that's ok. No one here can judge you. You are trying to survive. Just do what works for you. Adapt as you need to.

    You can be "inactive" and "spiritually weak, what's the worst that can happen? Will they stop stalking to you? GREAT!!! 😃 I'm inactive and absolutely no Elders have approached me.

    Maybe they have their own problems? Maybe their "faith" is dissolving? Maybe they are holding on to their precious fairy-tale, because they are scared shitless? Whatever the case may be, stop giving your mental, spiritual, and emotional energy to people, and pursuits, who give you NOTHING in return.


  • Wild_Thing
    My question is am I crazy or is this just truly nuts and insane.

    I'm gonna go with "this is just truly nuts and insane." He sounds dangerous.

    Also, KUDOS to you for taking a stand on this issue, and trying to protect kids in the congregation. If everyone would stand up to the Watchtower leadership, protecting child molesters would never be allowed within the ranks. It will take a larger majority to take a stand and change things, but it always starts with one, and this time you're it. You really should be proud.

    "Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not." - Dr. Seuss

    Also, I don't know the circumstances with your husband or how he feels, but I think its time for you two to make a clean break (okay ... a break from JWs is never exactly clean). Right now, they are helping to dictate your emotional state and that is a lot of power to give to them. We have all been there and allowed them to do it. I'd say it's time to take your power back.

    Dr. Seuss was one smart guy: "You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own, and you know what you know. And you are the girl who'll decide where to go."

  • life is to short
    life is to short

    To answer some questions

    1. this elder is very wealthy and does not need to live with his in-laws. They built a house together only because of convenience. It is worth well over half a million and he works as a professional, so that is another part of the picture that I do not get.

    2.I have went to the police, the news media, the parole officer, to every person I could think of and yes the elders were breaking a RCW law where I live and if I had handled it right I could have called the police and had them come but at the time I did't know it and I flipped out telling the foster mom and she instead of checking the internet's sex registry list went to this elder and then the elder's stopped letting the child molester hold the children because they knew I was on to them so that hit a wall. The parole officer was very nice to me when I first called him but after the foster mom's thing I could tell the parole office had spoken to this elder and he blew me off like I was a nut case, it was bizarre but I knew the parole officer had spoken to the elders.How they could convince a parole officer is beyond me.The police have not blown me off but there is honestly nothing they can do as the elders are not breaking a law now. They can send child molesters DTD it is not against the law, the police think it's disgusting but there is nothing no one can do as the pedophiles have done their time.

    3. My husband that is where a lot of this is still having problems for me. One when he walked into the back room and saw myself and the elder alone why didn't he flip out? My husband asked what was going on and the elder threw his hands up and said 'you ask her I am washing my hands of this.' At the time like I said we thought we were friends with this guy and we were both truly blind sided by what he was doing. When he got me alone in his home I left crying my eyes out and in all honestly when I got home my husband was on the phone yelling at the elder telling him that he had no right to be talking to me but the other elders in the hall backed this elder up. Than one of the pedophiles shoved my husband and they deleted my husband in a 5 hour surprise elder's meeting with one of the main reasons my not being in subjection.

    Also I flipped out at my husband because he did not tell me that there were THREE! child molesters in the hall and that I had had one of them to my home for dinner many times. He swears that he was not even told for the first 2 years we were in the hall, I do not know even now if I totally believe him but I do know that another elder moved into our hall who had very small children and this elder was not told for at least a year and it was my husband who finally told this other elder. It got bizarre with that whole thing too, the elder's wife got upset with me because my husband did not tell them sooner and they moved out of our book study group and the CoBE made some lame excuse from the stage as to why they moved and than one of the pedophile's and his wife held a baby shower and this elder, his wife and children all went and let their little girl play in front of one of the pedophiles, and I also heard that one of the pedophiles fed the speaker and this family went to the pedophiles home and let their little girl play in the backyard with the pedophiles daughter, of which fact I confronted the dad and he denied it. But I do know for a fact that they were at the baby shower because I went only to get pictures and I have a picture of his baby girl around on of the child molesters.

    4. I have stopped going to the meetings, etc. That is why this has so baffled me as to why it has affected me so badly. The newer elder started to love bomb me and I fell for it, I thought maybe they had changed somewhat and I could reason with them. I went to a meeting or two and the older ones who just don't get it started crying when they saw me. See I was always having people over for dinner and doing things for ones. As the new elder said I am hospitable not to be bragging on myself in the least. I just want to be accepted so badly that I was trying to, if I am totally honest with myself, buy my friends. I thought if I invited ones over that they would invite me over to their homes and I could have the family I never had, see I am all alone I have no family expect my husband, No children as we followed the rules, only one sister who shuns me that is it. And hey after all are we not told that the congregation is our true real family well it never happened for me, I gave and gave and gave and gave and gave and gave and gave and gave and got NOTHING! No invites to other homes, nothing. The new elder moved in right when I was stopping going and I do know his wife is a lot like me but she got her invites, reciprocated something that never happened to me, not really, but to be truly honest one sister did but she was so judgmental it was so stressful to be around her at times, Like I got snapped at because I liked a Starbucks's cup and she shot at me that the Starbucks's logo was a pagan Goddess.. Who knew?

    Anyway this is why I feel so crazy. It's like all the trauma I went through in 07-09 is right back and I do feel like it is harassment. I am wondering if the new elder was directed to love bomb me from Bethel. Like the CO wanted me to burn the email at first I thought he meant figuratively but then it hit me he truly wants me to burn the emails.

    It was bizarre meeting with him, first off he did not want to pray, not that I really wanted to either but still that was strange then he told me I was a volunteer and the the CO in 07 could not force me to work with pedophiles DTD and that I had only needed to tell him that. The new elder totally backed up the CO, we all know that has never been the case, and there is nothing in writing that says you can refuse what an elder tells you to do, in fact there are tons of WT's that say you have to follow what the elders say even if it does not make sense to you.

    Than the CO said 'well would you want the child molesters to go door to door without being in the truth?' Well that totally threw me and I looked blankly at him like why in the world would anyone go door to door unless they were JW's. The CO said anyone can go DTD and this way having the child molesters in the truth they were being watched. I told the CO that the CoBE was putting the child molesters with young ones who did not know their pasts so what good was it, the CO shot back to me not anymore and that I needed to forget the past and realize that things had changed and that the faithful slave has it all under control now and that I did not need to know what or how it was under control but that it just was and not to worry about it anymore then he smiled at me and told me that I needed to not think of it anymore that is when he told me to burn my box of stuff that I have.

    This just all happened in July and to be totally honest I have had some of the older ones to dinner I just feel for them and like I said I am alone in this world and the religion was all I had and since I stopped going it has been really hard. I have tired to make friends outside but starting in your late 40's after being in such a confined group is hard. I had some older ones over last night for dinner and I have never told them anything of what is going on they do not in the least understand any of it. I had the new elder's parents over and they are in their late 70's early 80's totally brain washed and it just got to me. They do not understand why I am not at meeting's and in all honestly I do like them.

    I think the thing that embarrassed me the most is that I texted their son about all the crap that I have been through with the other elder's thinking that if I could just get him to understand than maybe as he and his wife who is the one who told me she had been abused herself would be on my side. No he totally went with the other elders and is defending them. He told me it was not proper for me to text him, it is not like I am sending him love messages, I am telling him how they were allowing child molesters to run free and how it made me so depressed that I tried to commit suicide. That the main elder had me to the point of suicide.

    He told me that "elders have been counseled regarding private communications with sisters. and that we all follow the direction of Jehovah's organization. Yet he will never address my depression over the elder talking to me alone, how he knew I was in the bathroom with the child molesters daughter, etc, Every-time I bring that up he just gets a blank look on his face and say's nothing as soon as he can he asks me to break bread with the elders, tells me I need to forgive them etc.

    A huge part of me just feels really stupid for texting him and the way he response back to me. I told him I was having thoughts of not wanting to live again that I am majorly depressed, etc and he shoots back that response to me. Like I told my husband he could have said I can clearly see your suffering depression why don't you come over and have coffee with my wife since you have both been abused and she has been able to move on maybe she could help you. Nope all I got was shut down and made to feel like I was an idiot.

    I just feel so trapped in my own prison sometimes. I am going to a new councilor but I have only been like three times and I can only go every two weeks,I looked up the definition of harassment and even sexual harassment and I see part of my depression was caused by the elders that creepy one in particular.

    It just really does make me feel so crazy sometimes.


  • LisaRose
    My question is am I crazy or is this just truly nuts and insane. So much of the time I doubt myself and think did I do something to cause this. I will not back down on my stand about pedophiles.

    You are not crazy. This IS totally nuts and insane, but did you really need us to tell you that? It is, however, typical behavior of people in a cult. They cannot acknowledge that the religion's treatment of pedophiles is wrong, because that would force them to confront the fact that they are in a crazy cult. Since they are not honest or strong enough to face reality, it's easier to focus attention on you and make you the problem.

    You can do nothing about them, they are going to do what they are going to do, you need to help yourself. It sounds like you have post traumatic stress disorder. You thought you had gotten over all this, but having the creep at the memorial follow you around brought it all back, so obviously you have not gotten over it. I think you need to get professional counseling to deal with this. Buried emotions don't really go away, they just build and leak back out in destructive ways, so do what you need to do to come to terms with all this. Counseling can help you confront all this and deal with it and move on.

    In the meantime, do not go to the kingdom hall, not even for memorial. If you happen to see this creep again, tell him you do not wish to speak to him and walk away.

  • Iown Mylife
    Iown Mylife

    Dear LITS:

    The elders label and target people who are not afraid to speak. This is not just what happened to you in one congregation. This happens in JW congregations all over the entire world.

    That is how I figured out that the whole entire WT organization is ROTTEN from the top to the bottom and saturated throughout. There is not one little part that is worth saving.

    If one part of the body is sick, the entire organism is sick. A lot of people try to move to a different congregation when they have had problems in one hall but it doesn't work, because you can't outrun SICK and DISGUSTING CORRUPTION.

    So we got OUT. The WT and JWs are a huge cult and once the corrupt predators turn on someone, it's over. You can't defeat a gang of sharks, you have to get out of the water.

    You can get physically ill from the shocking hatred of elders that you're supposed to trust. Look after your nutrition and rest, and if you can see a therapist you should. I've found a lot of help online and in books and this forum. Please don't mess with those horrible people that are barely even human beings - just get the hell out! I wish you good health and FREEDOM!

  • Je.suis.oisif

    Sorry Iown Mylife. My sausage fingers activated the dislike whilst trying to press like.

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