I just lost another long post - husband walked in! This is very frustrating, but not your problem, it's mine!
I was writing about how I was non-religious my entire life until my mid-fifties when I was nabbed! Thought I had a good head on my shoulders, but goes to show you anyone can be indoctrinated I guess. I was too trusting, and was very lonely and depressed and fell for the whole loving "friends" and "family" line, well, hook line and sinker. I was barely in and already starting to doubt, certainly wasn't happy. I hated service, I hated having to comment at meetings, I used to love to read but quckly lost interest in reading the prescribed literature, never felt like I really belonged, the instant friends and family quickly faded away once I was baptized it seemed - okay, good, we got ourselves another sucker now let's get on with our own lives and if she has a beef, let's make her feel like it's her own fault, she's not spiritual enough. Now I'm starting to sound bitter, right?
My husband had been in the truth before I met him in the early 90's. It sounded like he'd never want to go back he had so many beefs, so I felt safe in marrying him. Little did I know how much of the JW thinking was still in him. When I expressed interest in finding spirituality (you know what I mean?) he suggested why don't I go to a meeting with him at the local Kingdom Hall. Next thing I knew, we were being studied with, and he was accepted back and I went along with it and was baptized 9 months later. That was 17 years ago. I've been miserable with feelings of guilt and never being good enough ever since. I never was one who took well to being told what to do, especially when it made no sense to me, and being told I had to think and feel and act this certain way or God wouldn't be pleased with me and he would kill me at Armageddon - well, I had a lot of issues with a lot of issues.
I should send this before I'm interrupted again. Thanks for reading! More to come ... you lucky people! LifesNotOver Never was a good little !!