Going to make this short and sweet but I need some advise again and I kinda need to vent a bit so sorry.😢
So it has been weeks since the wife and I have been to meetings. It has been nothing short of wonderful!!! To feel the veil lift and to experience the lifting of fog has been liberating.
So we go to the meeting yesterday because I needed to turn in my secret book and keys to hall. Sitting through it was tiresome and that annoying headache that I hadn't had in weeks quickly returned. Of course the brothers assure me that I can be reappointed as soon as I'm ready. (That ain't happening!!)
After the meeting I tell the wife what a nightmare it is to be there and to lie to people in that I feel like I'm pretending to be someone I no longer am. Don't get me wrong, I love the people. I hate the pressure the Eltards put on the wife and I to "recover" and "get back in it". I actually had dreams last night about lying to the brothers in a judicial setting.😡 And because of that I seriously feel depressed as all hell today.
Now she wants to go to the meetings again to "save face". I don't know what to do. I hate and I mean HATE going there. I feel as though by attending I am a sharer in the wrongs of the organization.