Question on DFing and Physical abuse...

shamus

I know of a situation where a "sister" left her husband b/c she was beaten by him... more than once. She is planning a divorce.

Will she get DF'd? Or what do you think will happen?

Any answers would be greatly appreciated... thanks.

Euphemism

I can think of four possibilites.

1. As long as she doesn't date or remarry, the elders might support her, considering her divorce to be a 'legally enforced separation'. This is within the letter of the WTS law.

2. More by-the-book elders might counsel her, and regard her as 'unexemplary', but that's as far as it would go.

3. Hard-nosed elders might choose to mark her. Officially, the marking could only last until the divorce was official, and would have to end at that point; in practice, it might be indefinite.

4. There is no support in the WTS law for d/fing a person on the basis of an "unscriptural divorce." But if the elders want to d/f her, of course, they will find a way.

I'm inclined to say that #2 is the most probable, followed by #1, then #3. #4 is a long-shot, based on the cases I know of.

But it all depends on her elders, of course.

onacruse

*** w00 11/1 p. 5 Is Bible Morality the Best? ***
Of course, there are circumstances—such as adultery or physical abuse—when a Christian may appropriately consider separation or divorce.

shamus, please tell your friend that she has our unequivocal support.

Craig & Kate

orbison11

well, i do know for a fact that if he was from the whalley congregation in british columbiam, in canada

and he beat his wife so bad she was in the hospital

and he got one year in jail, trial by jury, and 2 (or three, i can't remember) years probation after

he WOULD NOT be disfellowshipped.

as he was stressed and she drove him to it

wendy

shamus

Wendy,

That's awful. Did that happen to you? God, that's horrible. In fact, you don't need to answer unless you're totally ok with it...

I was once close to the Whalley Cong..... shoot, I don't know which one it was....

She is pretty upset, and is definetly getting a divorce no matter what.... I just hope that I can help her somehow....

First, I hope there are no children in the picture. But if there are, your friend needs to think of their safety as well as her own. And that's not even taking into consideration the behaviour patterns kids learn when they witness domestic violence... that's a whole other ball of wax.

Secondly, she needs to start documenting incidents. And I don't mean just keeping a journal of her own. She needs to get to an ER or a police station and have photographs taken of bruises and welts and black eyes and fat lips, along with a medical examination. She needs to be prepared to press charges of aggravated assault and have him arrested and put in jail.

Third, she needs to talk to a domestic violence counsellor. My local police department has a special task force for domestic violence and will put a woman in her situation in touch with the appropriate people who can help her make an escape plan, get her to a shelter if necessary and put her in touch with legal assistance. They can help her get a restraining order against this guy.

Finally, I would stress to her that her safety is FAR more important than her status in her congregation. I'm sure it's a tough decision for her, particularly when she faces the prospect of losing friends and family members in addition to her marriage, but she has to realize that REAL FRIENDS care about her, not about her standing in the congregation.

By this all will know that you are my disciples, if you have love among yourselves. - John 13:35

Love, Scully

Scully

Also: Get her to read this.... just print it out (so she doesn't see it's from an "apostate" site) and let her read it. Written by LadyLee, it's called "Till Death Do Us Part"

http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/12/43881/614267/post.ashx#614267

Here are some very powerful thoughts:

Love, honor and caring for each other come before fidelity. Perhaps they come first because if one loves and honors and truly cares for each other then the desire to be with someone else is not a consideration.
Many of the women I have spoken with about this issue were abused in the marriage by their partner. Many have spoken with other people about the possibility of divorce and many were told that it was their duty to remain faithful to their vows.
But no one seems to realize that the abusive husband has already broken the vows. Through the abuse he has shown he has no love for his wife. He does not honor her when he hits her. Her does not cherish her when he screams and yells in her face. Or calls her names. He does not care for her when he controls her or uses her as a servant. He does not need to commit adultery to break the marriage vows. Abusers break the vows through their actions of hurt and pain they inflict on the one they made the vow to.
And if he has broken his vow then the marriage is in effect over. It is over in her heart. And it is over in the eyes of God. The vow was about loving one another.

Love, Scully

shamus

Thanks, Scully

There are 2 kids in the picture and the arsehole did it right in front of them..... prick. Just another reason why the troof is not the troof, right? The elders will protect the poor little brother who is on "stress leave" too.... (I just know it)

Just makes me sick.

Special K

The whole thing sniffs like a very male oriented type religion....(which it is!!)

Alot depends on the body of elders that she has to deal with, however, in my opinion, they usually lean towards the male side of things...just because they are also male,

Another reason .. not to join a male heirarchial type of religion.

Special K

Question on DFing and Physical abuse...

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