A question about fading....

by Tornintwo 37 Replies latest jw friends

  • Beth Sarim
    Beth Sarim

    On another note about fading. Should you start your fade successfully slowly, it may work just fine for a long time. Suddenly the boundaries change and your former congregation forwards your publishing cards to your new assigned congregation. The elders there will suddenly come hounding you with drop in visits seeing you are now irregular/inactive and not going to meetings.

    This is one thing that is unfortunately out of ones' control and the process has of slowly fading starts over again. It happens.

  • Tornintwo
    Thanks for all of your responses, it sheds light on the reasoning behind the slow fade. I really feel for people who want out but their parents, siblings, etc are all witnesses. As a convert I only have to worry about my husband. My girl and I are fading fast, just walked away after being sporadic for a while, last meeting 2 months ago, no repercussions yet , watch this space!
  • FayeDunaway
    I'm extremely happy for you, torn in two!! Now it seems like you are not so much torn in two...just need that one fifth of your family on board (the man!)
  • zarco

    There have been a lot of great comments and advice. It really depends. In my circumstance I was comfortable living half in and half out to keep our social circle. When my wife at the time finally learned TTATT she stopped everything immediately. I have deep respect for her following her conscience. Within weeks I resigned all responsibilities in a brief letter and we have never been back except for one memorial about 5 or 6 years ago.

    Looking back, it would have been much better to do a quick fade and not waste the mental and emotional energy living half in and half out. It also, in our circumstances, was better to start building a new life as quickly as possible. Life is too short to waste a portion of it.

    Best to all in their exit decisions. Zarco

  • Watchtower-Free
  • Giordano

    I am not a fan of an active or fading witness writing a letter to Disassociate themselves. My main reason is that the Elders will not show or read it to the congregation therefore when they hear that you 'are no longer a JW' you are placed on the same level as those that have committed adultery, serious crimes, be a pedophile etc. I think that's a reason for so many rumors that get started. That final brief statement about you creates a vacuum that demands to be filled.

    Moving a state away is the best choice if you are able to do so. Or at least out of the circuit.

    Everyone understands the need to relocate be it for a job or retirement, family....... even education.

    The physical move freezes everything especially if all mail is being forwarded or if necessary use a mail drop and forwarding service for additional miss direction. Change phone numbers.

    If you can't move A fast fade can work if no one ever hears your explanation that you know TTATT. Close family will complain to the Elders that 'something is wrong'.

    A slow fad if you can tolerate your diminished importance in the hope that you can still retain your most cherished relationships.

    What we all understand however......no matter what choices you face the congregation, close family and friends do not want all of you to come back they only want that part of you that will obey the wishes of the Society.

  • LongHairGal


    Your post is excellent. However, you mention that you sold your house and moved.

    Did you actually sell your house to get away from the Witnesses, or was it the usual reason people move: wanting a bigger house, better area, etc.?... I find it outrageous that people would sell a house just to get away from JWs, but I guess that underscores just how BAD this religion can be.

    I am a fifteen year "fader" but I am a single woman who worked full-time so I guess they didn't chase after me the way they'd chase a much-needed brother since there aren't enough men in the religion... Besides, these users didn't get the time of day from me when I saw how negatively they viewed me since I worked full-time. So, I suppose I'm viewed as no loss to them. The feeling is mutual.

    I agree with you, though, that a "fader" always has to watch themselves and their behavior in the community as you have mentioned.... otherwise they run the risk of finally being announced as disfellowshipped. Although, since so much time has passed and I have no family there (thankfully) and only two active friends I don't see all that often, this does not frighten me if it were to happen.

    Like you, I am FREE of them and do not care what they think of me (I doubt I'm thought of at all). I no longer have that famous sword hanging over MY head either!!!

  • kaik
    I faded on the spot. Just decided I do not want to go to KH and I do not believe WT is the channel of God's communication. I just could not take it anymore. Everyone is in different personal setting, so there is no universal good or bad answer on quick or slow fading. I was single, was living on my own, financially secured, so I could care less what anyone else thought.

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