Are you sad or angry?

by raven 27 Replies latest jw experiences

  • raven

    After exiting the org, I mean cult, how have each of you felt personally about the lies you had been taught, the hurt from feeling betrayed by these people, actual hopes of once believed false teachings, rose colored lenses of seemingly just and right doctrines that turned out to be a bunch of horse $#!+, the shunning of family and friends? Right now I am going through the motions, I've just moved to a new home, which means hopefully no more elders searching for me at my previous address.. I can't help but feel sad though right now because of the fact that although I am not DF'd ( maybe the elders will do it in absentia assuming I've been avoiding them and the 2 JC's they've invited me to as well as the last handwritten letter at my door before I moved ) My mom treats me as though I am dead to her, she says " I am living the life of a disfellowshipped person, and until I come back to Jehovah this is how things will be because this was MY choice to leave Jehovah " Ok I get it, but I don't- Everyone has free will, so yes this was my choice but it is also her choice to shun me, especially after the "Shun Unrepentant Wrongdoers" talk at the RC, funny how they come out with these talks to reel members back in.. She claims that she has an obligation to Jehovah of which she promised to him after she was baptized not at 11, 13, or 17 ( young ages ) but fricken 26 years old. I absolutely hate this organization and everything that it is, it's taken away my family and most importantly my own mother.. I always thought that a mothers love was to be unconditional, but hers for me is only conditional. It's very hard to accept the pain of your own mom treating you as if you were dead. Its because she wants me in the org, she thinks she's doing good for me because "shunning is a loving provision" and I want nothing to do with the lies, deception, insidious teachings and mind controlled brainwashed people in it. I will probably never get her to wake up, she's very indoctrinated and it really saddens me.. So I guess what I am saying now is are you all still in the sad stage of your leaving the cult, or has the sadness turned into anger?

    I'll probably reach the anger point soon, but right now it's indescribable how flat out sad I am- How can this organization say they are a happy loving people when they do this to family?

    Anyways just a rant here on my end, I'm in a good place over all, new job as of yesterday closer to home, just moved to a new house, things are looking up and positive with my guy and I, and feeling good having free time now that meetings are a long gone routine for me. So overall I'm happy but when I think about my mom I get sad.. Kind of annoying but it is what it is.

  • Nameless

    I'm fading and I am both sad and angry. I've known TTATT for a while, but was holding on to it hoping it was true and hoping it would save my marriage. Marriage failed and fading begun. I am also angry with myself for falling for it. I should have known better, but now I am using my anger to motivate me to get my kids set right, in school and plan for their future. In my 50's and need to make sure they are okay (not much time for myself). Family knows I don't believe, but are not shunning me. They just say my decision, and I don't talk to ANYONE from the hall. They abandon you when you need them (sad), but call you when they want something (angry).

  • Giordano

    I think it's normal to feel sad about your Mom.

    Unfortunately she made a couple of big mistakes, she should never have involved the elders. You had left the congregation they were no longer responsible for you she should have left it alone.

    You wanted freedom from the religion which was and is your right.

    She is under a misconception that shunning is right, shunning is love. That's an ignorant position.

    You were a child when you got baptized you can't make a lifetime contract with a child.

    What she doesn't understand is that she is needlessly punishing herself.

    Your the one who has a life to live now. She doesn't.

    A mother's love can not be conditional.

  • raven


    I am so sorry you're going through this, I can relate.. I agree that it's best for your kids to escape the chains of the cult.. I didn't go to college because the org strongly encouraged to avoid forms of higher education.. Load of crap and I listened. I gave 2 1/2 years to pioneering instead after High School only to get a pat on the back and then interrogated by a JC when I "sinned" - they're eager to use you to count their time and show you off to make them look good but once you screw up they kick you out, or coerce you like an animal to come back in after you've been backstabbed..


    Thank you for the kind words, I appreciate them a lot. I'll note your comment for when I'm feeling down to take a look at and snap back into reality! Mom is very mind controlled and I suppose it isn't her fault for being this way- its what the org has made her into. So sad.

  • Xanthippe

    Raven, cults that make mothers treat their children as if dead are absolutely despicable. I feel your sadness in your post. Just don't let it make you feel as if you're not worthy of being loved because your mother rejected you. That is a deep pain.

    You have your partner, he loves you. Your new home and your new job! You achieved all this while leaving the cult and coping with your JW family, well done you! Stunning accomplishments. You should be proud of yourself.

    It hurts, bring shunned by a mother. It will turn to anger, yes, eventually but anger gives you strength to cope. Really it will. Hang in there, nobody knows what the future holds, she may change. She may not, mine didn't, but you should have a great life anyway and know that lots of people have done it and made it. You'll be fine, look how much you've achieved already. Just be kind to yourself while you still feel sad, this takes time.

  • Muddy Waters
    Muddy Waters

    I am now in my fifties, began studying when I was 20 (and circumstances at the time were a very low time in my life), and so the most vital, healthy years of my life are behind me, as well as income earning potential. All squandered away toward the org and its never-ceasing, always hungry, agenda....

    Raised our children in this cult, but thank god/gods/spaghetti monster, they never took to this religion. They've told me they thought I was a "lifer", as I was *Very Indoctrinated*, very "zealous", the whole crapola. I am so different now from that JW person, they are telling me that it feels like they don't even know who I am, and that it even feels like they've entered an alternate universe.

    Yet it also feels the same for me, that I don't even really know my own children (adults now), as so many years were spent trying to suppress their dear personalities and make them conform to WT borgification.... And I see that they are wonderful people who are going through their own terrible (psychological) journey from being raised in that climate of fear, suppression, subjugation, and sublimation.

    I feel both sad and angry that I was so taken in and for so long!!

    When I first discovered and learned that we'd been lied to, I had awful dreams. In one dream, I vividly remembering wandering the streets and alley ways, crying my heart out, and calling, "Jehovah, where are you??" When I woke up, my pillow was wet.

    In other similar, and repetitive dreams, we would be trying to get to an assembly, and either getting hopelessly lost and feeling anxious about losing our way... Or getting to the assembly/convention, and then being unable to find any seats, walking around and around and around... lugging our bags and books and coats and lunches, and everybody staring coldly at us (so terrible to be late you know!) - yet nobody helping. Had many dreams like that! So weird.

    I still feel a little lost, and very weighed down with the knowledge that: WE are to be the masters of our fate, we should be the ones deciding our destiny, and taking control of our life and try to make it be the best and happiest and healthiest we can be, that we are all in this together... that family is everything, and that community and politics matter, and that this life is all we most likely have....

  • StarTrekAngel

    I was, I am and I will always be angry. Not necesarily revenge angry but angry none the less. I am the type of person that gives himself humbly and fully when I believe in a cause. So it's hard for me when I feel my commitment has been abused.

    When I was 18, I committed to start a club with some friends. It was a bike and kart racing club. We were teenagers. An older man trusted us enough to commit to a local club that we would do all the labor to build a race track. We came thru. We spent the next two years, all weekends working on this. It was one of the greatest achievements of our poor, third world country life. The nice thing is, it was very clear no one was above anyone else. No one got paid and no one felt used. It was all for our fun and we all had the same level of access. No reservations for VIP or special guests or anything that would make you feel like your work was being advantageous for someone else.

  • berrygerry

    People who bear children, and will ONLY love their child if the child BELIEVES certain things?

    (Contrast. )

  • hyperpen

    I too have experienced this conditional love. It was ingrained in me from an early age. I posted my experience recently on my site - look for the story "conditional love." Basically my father forever linked his love for me with my love for Jehovah. Over 40 years have passed since that moment and nothing has changed on his side. However I've learned to live without the need for his approval or his love. It's liberating!

  • raven


    So very sorry about your experience, I had commented on another post basically stating that all though we have different experiences in leaving the cult, we all still have the same connection that lead us to leaving, its very hard to cope with being lied to especially for many many years.. I was too very indoctrinated, mind controlled and brainwashed. A dear friend on this forum related to the members of the organization as people with Stockholm Syndrome.. Being connected and bonded with their captors- pretty much how most active JW's are they will defend this sick and twisted child abusing cooperation.. Awful stuff.

    Also the dreams you had are so hurtful.. I always felt like Jehovah wasn't there for me, people would claim to have this amazing relationship with him and I tried so so hard to have that too but I always felt he was just very distant.


    Thank you for the encouraging message, I am relieved that this forum is available to vent through and connect with you all, its so nice to be able to be with a group that understands the hurt the org has caused each of us.

Share this