Double Standards

NAPPY ROOTS

I am tired of the double standard that dubs have. My parents have very little to do with me since I have been df'd. But they still want my kids to visit. Are they not part of me?

My sister and brother who were never baptized and have done everything short of stealing money from them are treated like royalty. Better yet, my sister who is baptized and lives with her boyfriend is invited to their house for diner. They know about the boyfriend but as long as she pretends he doesn't exist, then everything is normal. They don't even pressure her about not going to the meetings.

Makes me mad. I am the most responsible out of their children. What do I get? Treated like a sh**.

shamus

It is really sad, isn't it? They are so brainwashed..... "honor your father and mother", the command says, yet many choose not to do this... (if the situation was reversed). It's disgusting how they treat their own blood like garbage, just because of a cult.

Sorry, I have no answers for you. Just my sympathies.

Shamus

Lady Lee

I've been in a similar spot so offer my sympathies too

they do what they are told even when it makes no sense

Thunder Rider

It's always the good kid that gets overlooked. My siblings were out drinking, smoking, and screwing around all the time. I tried to be a "good" little dub and now I'm the black sheep of the family. Hoorah for me!

I spent too much time tring to earn the approval of my parents. I became a much happier person when I gave up on that. I have found that when you appear not to care wether you are liked or not, people flock to you.

As far as letting them see the kids, as long as they're not pumping their little heads full of WTS crap, children grow up best having the widest possible array of loving caring adults in their lives.

Thunder

Wolfgirl

I know what you're feeling. I am the most responsible, reliable member of my family, and I supported my parents financially for years. As soon as I stopped worrying about what they thought and stopped doing what they told me to do, they shunned me. Didn't matter that my dad abused me, he's OK in their eyes. They haven't spoken to me in 2.5 years.

Larry

Nappy - I feel you 100%. I went through that for a couple of years. There's no time table for these things to mend, each person is different, and you never really get over it fully. Anytime your treated less than civil or as you say " Treated like a sh**" it's troublesome.

Many folks say ex-jw's should get on with their lives and just forget the non-sense the JDubs do - And I agree. But anytime you're treated less than an human, you can't ignore that, it bothers you, especially if it comes from a family member. They think they are shaming you into coming back, but all they are doing is making you resent them more. The spiritual blackmail, just doesn't work in these 'last days.'

I refused to let my mother preach to my kids - The nerve of her trying to get them to be a Dub. She sees that my relationship with her is strained (to say the least), and for her to try to turn my kids against me is ludicrous. Oh, and of course, like a good J-Dub, she tried to turn my wife against me. My children are now 15 and 12 and I think she's seen them 3 times (maybe) since I left the Borg about 6 years ago - She's never even been to my house since than. However, we have child molesters, drug addicts, etc. in our family and she had no problem associating with them or even inviting them places.

Although most of my family are J-Dubs I could forgive them and laugh at their silly behavior. But it's my mother whom I have a problem with. Every JDub family has a ring leader, and my mother it the one in my family. It's because of her un-balanced and inhumane behavior towards me, that everyone else just follows her lead. I know the rules and I know many people who left the Borg, like I did, but they still maintain a decent relationship with their family. My mother took it to the extremes and thus, the rest just followed.

There are no answers to these kinds of situations - Is is what it is - They live in their worlds and we live in ours. Even if one day a happy medium could be reached, I think it's a shame that so much time has been wasted.

Thanks for the excuse to vent - it's been a while :)

Peace, Larry :)

NAPPY ROOTS

Thanks for the replies. Why is it always the mother dictating the attitude for everyone else in the family? I have very little to say to my mom. I still love her and respect her for being my mother but somehow she can't do the same for me. Oh well, her loss.

worldlygirl

This kind of thing always bothered me. My husband's mother had no problem shunning him when he was disfellowshipped, but his slutty JW sister practically lives with a guy and the mother abides by the "don't ask, don't tell" policy. The only thing she ever says about her daughter is "If the brothers find out that she is conducting herself loosely, that would cause so many problems..." I get the feeling (in my worldly perspective) that they are far more concerned with their relationship with the elders than their relationship with Jehovah. It's almost like they think that if you can hide it from the congregation, Jehovah doesn't know about it. Stupid, stupid people.

SheilaM

What Thunder failed to tell you is he was the blacksheep long before we left the dubs. They hated me I believe cause I loved him and didn't want to just use him to fix things.His Mother and Father SUCK.

As far as mine my Mother always made excuses for my two siblings that were coke fiends etc. She always made statments like "Well, just because I don't know what you do."In fact my sister almost got me raped and killed but to my family it never happend talk about denial.

With my Dad I think he can't stand to see me or my daughter because my daughter looks so much like my Mom. Also, I think my presence causes him great anguish. He prefers to surround himself by my step-brothers and sisters because he can lie to them and they believe his bullshit. He always had a problem with Anthony because Anthony is a good boy. It was like it pissed him off a "How dare you raise two good kids" Well, they didn't have a Father that screwed everything in sight and disrespected their Mother. He also hates how Thunder treats me so well and loves me. My Dad says he loves me I think my Dad wouldn't know love if it bit him in the ass.

Both my dysfunctional siblings got a car for graduation and my oldest sis got a 1969 Ford Mustang. I got a watch. I never got high, got drunk once and was always home and I got a F****** watch. SIGH I also got to see my Father rip my Mother's heart out and shit on it when he left, came back, left then she divorced him and he couldn't understand why. He may know to I was the one that told her to divorce him. I told her she deserved better.

Double Standards

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