Relationship Poll

iiz2cool

Imagine a marriage that has lasted 16 years. There are no children. One spouse was a JW for 20 years, the other for 34. The former, male, has discovered that the JW religion is not the truth, and decides to leave. His wife, though inactive, still believes that it is the true religion. This results in a religiously devided household. To compound the problem, there has been no intimacy in the marriage for the last 10 years due to sexual abuse suffered by the wife as a child. The wife refuses to accept therapy because of a bad experience with a psychiatrist, who essentially blamed the abuse on her.

With these two obstacles, what do you feel are the chances of the marriage surviving?

1. Excellent
2. Good
3. Fair
4. Slim to none
5. Why did they marry in the first place???

Prisca

5. Why did they marry in the first place???

I'm guessing the wife was brought up as a JW, and married young, at least 18 yrs old. Most young JW couples marry for sex, but if the wife has issues with sex, this might not have been the main reason why she married. Her sexual abuse is something that should have been discussed before marriage, but that's a mute point now.

How important is sex in the relationship? How important is religion in the relationship?

These seem to be the two main issues since they are the ones brought up in this discussion. How much does the couple want to stay together? Is the lack of sex causing the husband to have a straying mind/body?

nilfun

I noticed that there was no mention of love.

iiz2cool

Sorry, I guess I should have said that love was there, at least on the part of the husband, or it would not have lasted 16 years. He has doubts about her love though. She eventually told him that she married him on the advice of an elder who said she may not get another offer. He was 29 and she 24 when they married. The abuse was discussed before the marriage, but he was assured that she had gotten over it. While he has not strayed in body, he has in mind.

Kingpawn

4. Slim to none

He doubts her love (and that elder was an arrogant...er, rectum, to say she might not get another "offer"--like she's trying to marry off a non-virgin daughter, for Pete's sake!), the abuse remains unresolved, and due to that bad experience with the shrink she's going to be at least doubly reluctant to try again, and his thoughts are straying? It could last, but don't bet the rent on it.

The wife needs to be told that therapists were people before they became therapists, and any prejudices they had before may not've been exorcised before they hung out their shingle. Find another one, and sound them out ahead of time about their attitudes on abuse and treatment methods.

The couple might well be able to fall in love all over again and be a happy duo, but time's a-wastin.'

riz

my answer to this hypothetical question is 4.

Prisca

What does each partner want/need from this marriage?

Are those wants/needs being met in the marriage? If not, can the husband/wife live with that?

Is separating an option? Will separating/divorcing solve the problems?

Would therapy for the wife (and possibly marriage counselling too) help?

Thunder Rider

Sad situation.

Seems they can't find any common ground on which to build. Unless they both decide to turn theri full attentions to eachother, I fear their chances are slim to none. I think Kingpawn is right though, if they don't do something constructive soon they may never have a chance to fall in love again.

Thunder

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