Dear Watchtower Bible and Tract Society,
This is to inform you that I, J. Bradley Potts, am the King of the North as mentioned in prophecy in the Bible book of Daniel. You may want to update your publications with this "new light." I am planning an attack on your people with the help of Gog and also wish to destroy the King of the South who has changed identies (once again!) and is now Starbucks Corporation.
J. Bradley Potts (King of the North)