What's done is done.

by Anne 5 Replies latest jw friends

  • Anne

    Thank you to everyone who has responded to my posts. I really appreciate all of the support!!

    Tonight I finally found enough courage to tell my husband I'm NEVER going back. Not that he was suggesting that we do, but I think what has been bothering me is the open ended way we were leaving things. We hadn't discussed leaving, we just stopped.

    I told him all of my reasons, and that one of the biggest is I do not want to raise a child of mine as a JW. If he wanted to go back I could play along, except for that. He's a quiet man.... didn't really have much to say about it all. We'll see where it goes. I either scared him into going back, or cut the final cord.

    Now for the parents... any suggestions? My parents are hard core. Their whole life revolves around "the truth". I have 2 brothers and 1 sister who are very much the same, but I have one D/F sister, and my youngest brother has never been baptised and never will.

    My parents do maintain a relationship with my D/F sister, but they say it's because of my neice.

    The only thing I could ever be D/F for would be posting on this site (come and get me). I don't feel a need to D/A. We have been doing a slow fade for a little over 2 years now and have only had the "privelege" of one sheparding visit. I think we will be left alone.

    Do I just continue to float with my family and have them think I was just stumbled/lazy or something? I think they've figured out that I have no intention of starting up again. I know my mom in particular does not want to push things because of my temper. (She knows I don't react well when feeling manipulated). Or should I let them know how things stand?

    Then there is the mother-in-law. Out of her 6 children, only one is active in "the truth". You would think she would be used to it, but I think she blames me for leading her baby astray.

    Thinking on paper....I appreciate any help or personnal experience.


    Geez Anne, where does one begin.

    It seems like you've both been able to (thankfully) fade from view.

    When I read about your Mom and her relationship with the DF'd sibling (because of the niece/nephew) and her association with her, I am somewhat confident, that she'll still speak to you.

    As for hubby's Mom, well...2 years should somehow give someone some idea that you and he are no longer interested nor wish to pursue a life with the WTBTS.

    I am glad, for the most part, that you have not been subjected to any awful shunning or family meltdowns. Thank goodness.

    There are many on this forum whom have similar family situations. I'm sure once they see this thread, they'll comment appropriately.

    Best to you Anne. So glad you are here.

  • run dont walk
    run dont walk

    Congrats, the doors to the Watchtower have opened and people cannot get out fast enough. The decline continues.

    And you decided for the most important reason YOUR CHILD, you gave birth and only you know how much he means to you. Being raised a JW, I knew at a young age (the youngest of six) I would never have children, because, I didn't want to raise them the way I was raised, I even went as far to tell my mom it is your fault for this (I still have a lot of anger inside), She had six children and only two grandkids, should tell you something.

    The problem with parents and it is hard for us to understand, is they have been in the "borg" for so long they no nothing else, they would be lost on the outside world, right or wrong they believe it. (My mom is the perfect example, I give her contradictions, she agrees with me, but says "it has to be true", that's what happens when you believe in something for a long time. There is not much you can say. (sorry I couldn't be of more help on this)

    I have been "shunned by my entire family, and it was hard at first, but my life is 1000000 X better, and would not change it for nobody, So I have no family, but I have lots of friends and most importantly I have piece of mind, most importantly for you is, you have your child (and maybe more down the road).

    You are very brave, and don't let ANYONE try to change that, everyone must form their own opinion and make their own decision. You may not see it yet, but you made the right choice.

    Good Luck, hope to see you again !!!

  • blondie

    Hi Anne, my husband and I left as faders too but we talked about it with each other and why we can no longer be a part of the WTS organization. He told his family who are not JWs and made clear what our new feelings are. My family are mostly JWs and have treated me like I was DF'd even when I was in "good standing." At this point, I see no need to approach my family. I have been inactive before and know it is a waste of my time. But then we don't have children.

    I'm like you, there is nothing I would be DF'd for except posting here.

    I figure if they don't ask specifically, I definitely won't be volunteering my feelings and opinions since they have never valued them before. If they ask specifically, I will just ask them why they want to know. I doubt if I will get a very direct answer. I plan on just telling them that I have to do what helps me spiritually and that I have confidence that God will understand and do not fear his judgment. If they say differently, then I just will ask if God has given them the power to judge rather than Jesus.

    It boils down to what you know of your family. Everyone and every family is different. Be assured that it will not remain the same.


  • Anne

    Blondie, Razorblade, and Run Don't Walk,

    Thank you for the input. I feel more at peace today since getting some things out in the open with the hubby.

    One thing I didn't make clear was we don't have any children now. We are in the um "trying" stage. We've been waiting for our lives to settle down first. We've been busy little "worldlings" the past few years. I'm the kind of person who has to plan for everything.

    The more I think about it, I think with my family I will continue the status quo. I'm sure my parents have figured out what's going on. I just felt so much better having gotten the words out to my husband. I think that is what was holding me back. Holding me back from what I do not know... But it's like a big weight has been lifted.

    The reason I brought up the parents, etc, is that when I told my husband I wanted to raise my kids as "normal people" that means holidays, etc. That's whats really going to start a family fight. That may be a couple of years down the road, but I need to have a plan.

  • asleif_dufansdottir
    One thing I didn't make clear was we don't have any children now. We are in the um "trying" stage.

    That reminds me of when my husband and I were first married. We were at some church function (none of our families were ever JW, and we weren't either for the first 5 or 6 years). My dad was walking around, holding people's babies, telling people to come tell me how good he looked holding a bay (hint hint ). Geez, we'd been married about 6 months!

    Finally, hubby was standing talking to dad and one of the little old ladies in the congregation. She made the mistake of asking, "So is your wife going to be pregnant soon??"

    He said, "Naw, we're still practicing"

    I about died. Dad about swallowed his dentures.

    Nobody's really asked us about kids since!!

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