How do I tell my JW mother...

by TresHappy 7 Replies latest jw experiences

  • TresHappy

    We buried my grandmother this weekend. My JW mom took care of her for 2 years, and did a wonderful job. My grandmother had the best care from her daughter, which is the best kind. About three years ago nosey me found a post on a genealogy web site that caught my eye. Well to make a long story short, my late grandfather was quite the rounder, and I found his daughter he had by a woman while married to my grandmother. We were forced to do DNA testing because everyone who may have known about it was dead, and I wasn't going to ask my grandmother. My aunt was tested with this woman and it came back as 95 percent, which is a match in DNA sibship (same father, different mother). My aunt and my cousins have embraced this new relative, our new aunt, and it's been positive. My new aunt is a dear and wonderful lady who had been lied to all her life about her father. My JW father asked us not to tell mom while she was caring for her mother, due to the stress. Now that grandma's gone, I want to tell my mom about her 1/2 sister. I don't know if her sister will tell her. She tried to tell her this weekend but couldn't get alone with her. Part of me wants to take Mom out to dinner and tell her, however it may not be my place. Should I wait for her sister to tell her? Since I am the one who originally found the post, I feel sort of responsible. And it is my mother. I need some opinions.

  • DJ

    Hi Tres,
    Sounds like a soap opera. I'd give your mom some time to adjust to her mom's death before I sprang that one on her. What does your dad think? Maybe he should tell her and let her decide if she wants to meet her new half sister and when. I don't think it's right to have the new aunt tell your mom. It would probably be upsetting to your mom at first. If she never knew about her father's indiscretions,it could devastate her. IMO, this news ought to come from either your dad or you and your dad together. Good, dj

  • Big Tex
    Big Tex

    If it were me, I would tell her. What she does with it is up to her. I can see where she might be upset, but realize too that it might give her a sense of family. I mean this is someone she's never known before who cannot help the circumstances surrounding her birth. I would tell her simply but in a straight forward manner. Give her space to get used to the idea.

    What are you afraid will happen?

    Good luck.

  • TresHappy

    It is indeed a soap opera. Everyone knew of my grandfather's indiscretions, so that wouldn't be a surprise. The only thing I can think of that would be a surprise would be how I found her, which is truly a miracle. And the fact everyone in the family knows but her. My aunt is just elated to have a new sister, although she's younger than her oldest daughter.

    I think I am going to let my aunt tell her. I really can't see my mother being overwhelmed or being warm and fuzzy. She's just not that type. I would like for my Mom to meet her, but that's her call.

  • JT

    let her know, just make sure the place and time is right, and as stated with the death of a family member it may not be a good time


  • cruzanheart

    Hey, Tres, good to hear from you! How are you feeling after the funeral? I know going to a Major JW Event, not to mention the fact it was your grandmother's funeral, was kind of stressful. Hope you're feeling okay.



  • DJ

    Hi again Tres,

    Yup, I think that your aunt is the best person to talk to your mom. I was confused and thought that the "new" aunt was going to tell your about your grandmom. love, dj

  • TresHappy


    The funeral was long and it was stressful. However, there were enough touches from my aunt to make it better. She put together a bulletin board of photographs of my grandmother from little girl to present. There was a lot of love at that funeral, lots of crying and sobs. You had the JW funeral saying that only 144,000 will be in heaven and your soul dies at death and my non JW cousins thinking she's in heaven. In the end though, we know Grandma is not suffering anymore, and the good days she had became minimal. I was on bereavement for nearly a week and I am glad to be back at work. The first day back was tough, I cried most of the day. But as they say, time will make it better. And I have a lifetime of memories in my head and the love for her which is in my heart.


    of the "I know where my grandmother is" class

Share this