What works for me?

by Anne 8 Replies latest jw friends

  • Anne

    I remembered something that was in my consiousness from back in the day. I went to the door of a very nice home and was greeted by a nice person. I presented the usual rehearsed salespitch and she said the oddest thing, "I tried Jehovah's Witness once, it just didn't work for me." We made small talk, she wished us well and we were on our way. I had completely forgotten about our conversation until a co-worker was asking me why I'm not a JW anymore (I stopped identifying myself as one about a year ago.) My response was, "I just doesn't work for me." I wasn't sure what made me respond that way, but it just seemed right.

    I remember as I left that door thinking I wish I could be her, in that I mean confidently normal. I wish I could go back there and ask her how she got that way.

    I would like to ask everyone how (or if) they ever got to a point they didn't think about being a JW anymore. That's what I really want. I don't want to be haunted anymore. I've gotten to a point where I definely do not ever want to go back, but I don't know how to move forward.

    The slow fade is almost complete, my family may just give up and leave us alone. I think they don't want to push us too hard, because they don't want to loose us either.

  • Introspection
    I would like to ask everyone how (or if) they ever got to a point they didn't think about being a JW anymore. That's what I really want. I don't want to be haunted anymore. I've gotten to a point where I definely do not ever want to go back, but I don't know how to move forward.

    Hi Anne,

    The first thing I would say is even if you don't know how best to move forward, do remember to move! Even if it's not the most effective way (the specifics of which would of course depend on you) you are doing something. The most practical thing that those who have left seems to do is to just explore different interests, what they are do not seem to matter as much.

    In my case I can't really pinpoint one thing, not even going to college because that was only a starting point in context of where I was at the time. I'd have to say meditation helped, to cut through years of religious conditioning through 5 meetings a week and the whole bit you have to go deeper, otherwise you're looking at conditioning yourself in a new way which would also take time and a lot of effort. I hesitate to mention this as a thing to do because people get stuck on it too, it can become a way to pacify the mind and eventually the practice is one of maintaining a certain state rather than discovering that something deeper which is always there.

    In a way the first thing you have to do is just to notice what it is you're interested in - as I said explore different interests, take on a hobby or two. If you are interested in something religious in nature you can do that too, even study the bible - but the key I think is an open attitude of exploration, it seems to me that's what life is really all about anyways.

  • Maverick

    First I want to say that I hope it goes well with you Anne. In my own case the thing that attracted me to the J-duds in the first place was the very thing that repelled me in the end. As a single, young, idealist male, I thought, "here is a group that is living by what they teach." After going the whole route with the Duds, even marrying a 'truth-baby' raising a child on the inside, and being a member of the Servant Body for 16 years, I saw the whole picture. They were not living by what they teach. My experience told me, the more successful a Dud is the less they really believe the crap they're selling to others. Maverick

  • Granny Linda
    Granny Linda

    Like in the movie, "What about Bob?" where he is taking those Baby Steps to recovery. Funny movie.

    I remember AA would talk about "fake it till you make it" and then one day I realized it wasn't pretending. I'd overcome so much negative thinking. I'd actually become the person I wanted to be rather than remain mentally chained to an idealogy that didn't belong to me.

    Never give up on learning no matter where life take you. And what works today might not work tomorrow because we continue to evolve and change. Recovery is a process. Sometimes it seems slow in coming, but if we are persistant the rewards are too numerous to list.

    I stopped looking for the burning bush, so to speak, and realized that often times it's those seemingly insignificant situations that mount up to something so blessed and wonderful.

    I'm glad no one ever told me recovery would be easy. Yet on the flip side, it does get easier. Takes practice and patience.

    Wishing you well,


  • JamesThomas

    Dear Anne, Perhaps by being "confidently normal", you mean being at peace with the decision to leave the Org to the point where there is no more strings or doubts. You know unequivocally that it "doesn't work for you". I feel that such certainty happens at a deeper level than the mind, it's a heart thing. Here may be a way to the unquestionable confidence you seek. The Witness organization is based on a Biblical commandment to "love your God Jehovah with your whole heart, mind and soul". If this commandment is not obeyed, you will die. The heavenly Father which you were suppose to love completely, will kill you. Look at this scenario closely with the silent heart. Is it humanly possible to truly and sincerely love and honor that, which threatens you with death if you don't? Does this go with, or against the very nature of love? Ponder this. See the obvious truth within yourself; and you may fall into the lap of a deep and undeniable level of certainty and confidence; a natural and intrinsic understanding. Peace to you,

  • La-Bellamargarita

    Anne, I think like everyone who has read your post I completely understand how you feel. I suppose what really matters is what made you leave in the first place. Were you a happy dub who just realised it wan't the truth, or were you like Maverick who like myself was obviously very unhappy with what he saw in an organisation he entered full of idealism. If you come into the latter catagory I am sure you will find something to take the place of your former activities. I have started on a Open University degree course and I do volunary work in the community.

    My life is much more fulfilled now than it ever was when I was a witness, constantly trying to ignore all the incredible hypocracy stupidity, and backbiting that was part and parcel of my life in those days. I know that there are many nice honest individuals in the organisation, or at least I assume there are, but in all honest I never met many of them. Therfore I found that once I had made up my mind to go, even after twenty years, it was a huge relief. Even after three years I sometimes have moments of mysery wishing I hadn't wasted so much of my life, but I would never go back and my life is now full of the ordinary things it always should have been. Keep going be happy !!!

  • BluesBrother

    James Thomas. You said it so well . That was exactly the reasoning that led me to stop witnessing .. But you just try getting the committed ones in the family to see it that way!

  • Almost There
    Almost There

    The expression "Time heal all wounds" is very appropriate. The longer I'm away from the witnesses the better I feel.

    And after I was honest with my witness family (even though their response was not very good), I started feeling good about myself.

    You will feel confident, when you are honest with yourself - by not letting others make you feel bad in your own skin. They may not like your choice, but they will have to respect them. (that's what I told my family) And if they refused to respect your choices - keep them at a distance.

    This is what has worked for me.

    Almost There

  • JamesThomas

    BluesBrother wrote:

    "just try getting the committed ones in the family to see it that way!"

    Ya BB I know what you mean. When you see it, it is soooo damn obvious. But it's funny to try and get others to see (not ha ha funny). That's why it is a heart thing. The mind can be too easily blinded by it's cherished beliefs. JamesT

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