Am I cheating?

by Jayson 6 Replies latest jw friends

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  Jayson

  My spouce is the one with the JW past not me. I just married into this strange voyage and quest for god that her family is on. She is dfted and glad to be rid of the burden. Her family kept interfearing in our lives and that intensified with children. I spent years trying honestly to understand the JW point of view, from their customs, and their rules. (It's the sociologist in me.) But they lied, covered up the truth, and worked as a team to manipulate me. They betrayed my trust. In the begining my wife aided them. I don't think she knew any better. Then about a year and a half ago I started reading the books that tell what the Jehovah Witnesses really are all about, their history and how there is zero consistancy in what they believe accept that they are right and the world is wrong. (That everything they have believed in the past they discard including all former leader/prophets in the last 100 years is a minor inconvienice.) I shared this with my wife and she was shocked to realize that is really is all a sham; and when I said to my in laws that the religion is not only unwelcome in my house but around me, my wife, and my children as well as this shunning baloney it ends now, I was told I am violating their 1st Amendment rights. That they are free to do whatever they want. I am not the boss of them.

  My house is not a democracy and they have no "rights" in my house. They are guests, as I am in their house. Anyway I have been learning about cults, mindcontrol, religion (the philosophy of relgion that is) and focusing in on the JW's. My wife says that she feels that she divorced the Jehovah Witnesses and her family still in it. And, When I talk here at JWD or read a book that is in relation to Jehovah Witnesses she feels like I am cheating on her. She feels like I am talking with her X.

  She would like it if I just never came back here and burned all my books on the JW's relgions and cults in general. (It would be a big fire)

  I don't have a problem with leaving her out of all of this. I don't blame her a bit, she has been through hell. She has the common sense to just avoid a storm where as I stupidly sail right into it. So therefore often I take her lead. But isn't cheating a bit drastic of a parady?
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  bluesapphire

  I think cheating is a strange way to put it. But my husband has inferred the same in the past. Sometimes he would say that I prefer to hang out with my computer than with him lol.

  Do you do that? When I started putting him first and only coming on here in "true" spare time, then he mellowed out. Now he asks me, "So what's new on JWD?"

  Maybe you are spending too much time reading about JWs and coming on here. Maybe you should just limit it and put it on the back burner. Spend more quality time with your wife and she might get over her jealous feelings.

  About your in-laws. You are dead on. Your home is NOT a democracy (not that JWs beleive in democracy anyway -- how hypocritical of them). You are the king of your own castle. Don't let them bully you into abiding by THEIR rules in YOUR home. Tell them they can practice whatever they want in a free country but not in your home PERIOD. If they don't like it, don't come over.
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  SpannerintheWorks

  Hi, Jayson.

  But isn't cheating a bit drastic of a parady?

  Yes it is, even if her "X" were on this Forum. But you didn't mention that she has an "X", nor that he posts here. Best to clarify, Jayson, and

  anyway, I think that your "spouse" probably made a bit of an off-hand comment?

  Spanner
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  Francois

  Hello Jayson.

  #1 - Cheating? That's just a bit much. What is she afraid of? I mean really? Will she say? That's not rational. And NO, you absolutely are not cheating. There is a big ration of fear behind this that I think you should attempt to get to the bottom of. Intuitively, I feel she must be hiding something from you that she fears you will discover if you keep investigating.

  #2 - As I'm sure you're aware, but your in-laws are not, the Bill of Rights is for the protection of the rights of American citizens facing the threat that the federal government may attempt to intefere with those rights. That is, the Bill of Rights protects the citizens of this country from the government of this country. It has absolutely no power to protect your in-laws coming to your private home and discussing a topic you have forbidden.

  I wish it were me, rather than you, that had the opportunity to carefully explain to them what I've said here in #2 and then just as carefully explain the consequences of violating #2, and then following through on their certain violation of #2. They would be so shocked when I really did kick their asses out of my house bodily they wouldn't know what to do, and they would greviously fear ever coming back after I had gotten my hands on them that one time. You lucky buggar, you will report on the fine details when it happens won't you?

  francois
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  Jayson

  Spanner as I said

  When I talk here at JWD or read a book that is in relation to Jehovah Witnesses she feels like I am cheating on her. She feels like I am talking with her X.

  The cult is the X. And no it's not off-hand. She wishes that the cult never existed. She wished she never baptized herself and promised her soul to the WT. Which I understand. But, it does not just effect her. Every time they write or call, even any contact brings it all back. And it does effect me as well as the children. JW's don't cause pain in a vacume. I study them because someday the kids will want to know about their family. And I want to be ready. More ready than I was in years past. Everytme they try to contact us they have less effect. And the reason is that we are educating ourselves about their tactics and their motives. The JW's band together to manipulate us. We need to band together to be there for and to protect one another.

  Francois how I wish I would have recorded the conversations. The final one where the law was laid down imparticular. You would have enjoyed it.

  Thanks BuleS. It's hard. If I had to choose despite my love for all you guys I would not continue to post here of read about the cult/s if it hurts her. I love her very much. But, I don't think that they will just go away. I have learned to be ever vigil where they are concerned. And it is quite refreshing to be able to talk to other people and remind myself that people all over are going through this and that I am not alone.
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  searchfothetruth

  Jayson,

  I know exactly how you feel, my wife feels the same and thinks we are all as bad as JW's for talking about them.
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  Lady Lee

  To Jayson's wife

  You have taken a giant step, physically away from a religion that you have discovered is false. That is such a hard thing to do. It has cost you a very high price - your family. As hard as that was it really was the easy part. The real work is in learning what this has done to you, how it affected you and your family right there with you and how your JW family can affect you. All your beliefs were tied up with what you have been taught. No one here will tell you what to believe. I am still trying to work that out for myself so I sure won't be telling you what "truth" is.

  But I do know that until we really examine this whole thing that we were involved in and all the ways it can still influence and hurt us we are still under their control. Each memory, each encounter re-opens the wounds. It is like having a broken arm that we keep moving to see if it stops hurting. It won't. Not unless you take some active steps to replace your old beliefs with new ones. And not until you can think and feel what you want and express who you really are.

  In a sense it is a matter of recreating ourselves. Just like the broken arm, pretending it isn't broken won't fix it. We need to put it in a cast and stop using it for a while. Many people find a time away from family helps lessen triggers for them that brings up the pain and losses. Sometimes that is impossible. I am wondering if when you see Jayson reading about or posting in here it triggers you and maybe that is why you feel so threatened by it. If so then maybe you need to come to some sort of agreement where both your needs are being met.

  You might also find it helpful to read some of what is in here and even join in. We will welcome you. There are many here in just your situation so you will easily find friends and people who understand.

  Whether you join in or do your own work privately please do it. The rewards of recreating yourself are well worth it. It won't ever take away the tremendous losses but it certainly lessens the pain.

  Lee