Reflections and Field Service

by EmptyInside 6 Replies latest jw experiences

  • EmptyInside

    Wow,I started posting on here 10 years ago,time flies,when waking up from cult mind control,lol.

    I've been watching a lot of youtube lately from ex-Jehovah's Witnesses,especially those just coming out. And some still go out in field service on their own.

    I have a confession. I didn't like the ministry at all. And I pioneered for three years,not counting auxiliary pioneering. It's what was expected of me. And I didn't know what else to do,when I got out of high school.

    There were fun service days,but it all depended on who was in the car group. I was the youngest pioneer at the time,so mainly spent the time going on calls with a couple elderly sisters.

    I did have some nice conversations with people at the door from time to time. But,I really lacked confidence,and looking back ,I really didn't believe what I was saying . The organization claims that the more you share your beliefs with others,that is supposed to strengthen you. But,for me,I was embarrassed talking about a talking snake,that brought on all of mankind's woes.

    Plus,I was always a bit introverted and not a people person. I enjoyed the studying better,although,it was mainly the organizations publications.

    So,I am just amazed that some choose to still share their faith with others I'm amazed they still have a faith.

    I still pray out of habit,but am an agnostic,go figure. But,no longer attend meetings. My old congregation was dissolved,and even though,I no longer attend,it saddened me. Because,most of the people there were pretty nice.

    No one bothers me either. Although,a couple elders texted me about planning a visit,but I told them,no thanks. One did show up unannounced,but I run errands on Saturday mornings now.

    I'm content,but I still have some bad days. It's still a process,but so is life,and we keep on growing.

    I would especially like to thank Jamie Bowers,AllTimeJeff,and jwfacts,for giving me the info,and especially Jamie for being a friend.

    The first time I posted here,I was at a very low point. It was after a convention,and I knew I couldn't do it anymore. I cried for two weeks and didn't fully understand why. And I was depressed,I was still single. I'm glad I didn't marry in the organization now. I'm still single,but who cares. I have more options now,and had a couple romances,even if ,they didn't work out in the end. It was an experience I never could have had being a Witness,because I got to be myself.

    Well,wish you all peace,wherever you all are in your journey.

  • zeb

    You are not empty but you have a warmth that is growing within you.

    Livelong prosper in wisdom, health and love..

  • EmptyInside

    Thanks zeb,I am so much happier.

  • Maria Nieves
    Maria Nieves
    Thank-you for sharing your story. I am glad to see that you are much happier now.
  • Wasanelder Once
    Wasanelder Once

    It's unbelievable how we convince ourselves we can do the unthinkable on behalf of a group of strangers, (Gov Body) but doubt ourselves when its for us. I'm am encouraged by how you have embraced the mental and physical freedom from the cult. Good for you. Thanks for your expressions.

  • smiddy3

    An honest experience D2D witnessing work that no-one will ever hear from a Convention platform.

    That many of us here would feel the same.

    Thanks for sharing Emptyinside.

  • jamiebowers

    Aw, sweetie, you're the nicest, most thoughtful person I know! I just wish I was more mobile....would love to meet you in person. Speaking of mobility, I'm getting my left knee replaced the end of next month....yipeeeeeeeeeeee! Hopefully my right knee will follow shortly, and then both hips in a few years. There's still no recourse for my back, but with new joints in my knees and hips, who knows what I'll be able to do?!

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