Should my fiancé have attempted to disassociate himself from the jws prior to being disfellowshipped? Now that he is df, is it too late?
As Geoffery Jackson pointed out in the video, one can formally disassociate themselves by having it announced, which is the que to the congregation to begin shunning, or one can choose to just leave and say nothing. When someone just fades away, they don't typically make a ruling on the person who simply leaves quietly until they want to come back. In view of that video it seems to me your fiance' could point out to his family and the Elders that he shouldn't have been DF'd in the first place and could even threaten legal action against the congregation because of the resulting consequences they've caused .
He was invited to attend, but it would have meant a long interstate journey and as he said to the elder who called, he no longer has anything to do with them, so it was really of not much concern to him.
Even more proof that he is no longer a JW and is not under their jurisdiction anymore and they shouldn't be making rulings on him and involving themselves in his personal life. Since they are HER elders, the only thing they should have done is confirmed to his exwife that she is free to marry again if she wants.
I am not sure that the video alone would be strong enough to sway his parents by itself (even if we can get it to them, which is problematic). Maybe in conjunction with the circuit overseer who initially advised them it was a matter for their conscience?
Maybe he could email the video to those Elders and let them know that based on what Jackson said, they were wrong to disfellowship him and he wants them to reverse their decision .
The annoying thing is that nothing has changed. My fiancé was living (very happily) in sin with me and his parents were allowed to associate with him (they knew although of course they had never been explicitly told). He was then disfellowshipped for the same reason and now they're not allowed to associate with him.
It is so hard to understand how they are persuaded that anything has changed.
It's all about technicalities in JW land, so long as no official ruling is made, lots of JW's are ok with looking the other way.
As a side note: Sorry if I'm getting the wrong end of the stick here but it seems as if you may be more concerned with his family situation than he is. Shouldn't he the one trying to figure out what to do?