My expectations were limited and so they were always fulfilled. I was comfortable with my beliefs because they were absolute, immutable, never changing with time......... or so I thought. I was content............until I wasn’t.
This happened when I was in my very early twenties. I was no longer the 16 year old boy who decided to get Baptized because it was expected. Because my witness friends were getting baptized........... because there was this really cute sister.
I must confess.....I am a
reader. “you read too much”...... I was told. But what I read slowly
changed me in wondrous ways because knowledge is a good thing to base decisions
on. Rational ignorance is the mainstay of most high control religions. It is rational that one doesn't waste time on learning about things that are not
tolerated within the belief structure.
So there came a time when I had to admit that the ‘truth’ had become
murky, questionable and often embarrassing......to me. All of it's truths were nothing more then speculation.
I did not learn the truth about
the truth for many years. I just knew it wasn’t the truth one day while I was
pioneering.
I had taken a lunch break on
a nice spring day. I parked near the Town’s grammar school. The kids were out in
the school yard, it was recess time and they were running, playing.........I
remembered my own childhood and how nice it was to be so carefree. Then I
thought these very children were going to die when Armageddon came. NO. That was
absurd....evil. What did I really believe.....well it wasn’t that. That moment
changed it all for me. It was a thread that once pulled........ unraveled
everything.
This was decades before the internet, a decade or so before Ray Franz wrote C OF C. I read what I could find and thought it through.
I was not in a rush....... My vessel was not by any means an empty vessel............... it was filled to the brim with murky untruths. So It took a while to bail out a cup of failed truth and replace it with a cup of fresh knowledge. I guess I could have dumped the vessel out but in all honesty what did I have to replace my beliefs with? Also newly married I didn’t want to ask my wife, who was my pioneer partner, to make such an abrupt change.
Avoiding Bethel I had opted
to pioneer where the need was great after High School. So eventually I held
down three congregation positions and gave the one hour public talk all over our
circuit and other circuits. I was never alone when I went off to give my one hour talk....my ego was always with me.
We used to have a
general outline back in those times so a speaker had greater latitude. As
understanding grew my talk evolved into something that more closely reflected my
new sensibility. I skirted anything controversial choosing instead to be kind
and uplifting. Looking back it appears that my Ego must not have liked the direction I was taking as it began to shun me.
As my thinking evolved I soon
came to a point where I pleaded fatigue and stopped giving the public talk. I
did the minimum necessary to avoid stumbling anyone.
I also made plans with my
wife to relocate.
I had told my wife about my
change of thinking and she was very supportive.....which was easy for her, as I came to find out that she had never believed in anything the organization called the Truth!
At this point I had come to
understand that the WTBTS was reckless with the health, welfare and education of
their believers. Armageddon was of no concern but I thought the blood guilt,
literally, was on the Society because of the blood doctrine. Because I cared for
and greatly liked 99% of the people I knew in the ‘truth’ hanging the blood doctrine over
their heads troubled me greatly. Especially at a time when various types of life saving surgeries were not available without blood.
Having made no headway with my sister or mother
about our non beliefs......... I decided to remain silent. I was no longer acceptable......I had no real wisdom.......I was now untrustworthy.
Finally there came a time
when we needed to leave this 19th century religious nonsense behind along with many friends
and family.
I had stopped believing in nonsense and with my wonderful wife we
made our exit.
That was five Decades ago and still ranks as the very best decision we have ever made as every bit of joy and success we experienced........ on all levels.......... would have been virtually impossible if we remained JW'S.