Exiting the JW's and its aftermath

Victor

Guilt

As human beings we are capable of experiencing around 750 emotions. Parents use fear, guilt and shame to control their children to behave and do as they wish. The JW's are masters at using the same 3 emotions to keep their members in check. This is so pervasive that some return after exiting due to emotional turmoil.

Guilt is a useful emotion to avoid making the same mistake however, guilt serves no purpose in reliving the past and second guessing ourselves about the decisions we made. What one needs to do is accept that when we were faced with the choice point, at that moment we did the best we could. 2020 hindsight always gives us different options we could have chosen but, we lack the power of foresight. Self compassion is needed for our younger selves.

Leaving JW's means cutting off family, business, and friendship ties. This will lead to future painful and awkward situations when one has to have contact with these during transactional situations.

The human brain has a negative bias that has helped us survive. It is this mechanism at play when we suffer from such cutting off of family ties. For one negative conclusion four positive are needed to balance the emotional scales. For example: loyal JW's cannot attend a celebration of a milestone for ex JW's or their children, invite others who will be happy to join in and be happy for the special occasion. Remind oneself that mental and emotional freedom has a price; focus on the new life and the freedom and happiness outside of JW's. Imagine a future filled with happiness rather than pain. Feel proud of breaking the cycle of mind control and manipulation that leads nowhere but indentured servitude.

Focusing only on what could have been is a form of self punishment. Refuse to accept self torture as the currency for exiting.

In one research study, participants where asked what advise one would give to a younger self. The overwhelming answer was have self compassion. Don't wait till you are old give it to yourself everyday.

VE

Jehalapeno

Thank you, Victor.

Very well written.

Victor

@Jehalapeno thanks

truth_b_known

The brain is an organ of the body. Like any other organ, its purpose is to keep the body alive. One way it does this is it constantly goes over painful events of the past and it causes anxiety over the future. It does this to force us to analyze these things to prevent future pain. The problem is that we neither live in the past of the future. We only live in the present.

By living in the present we come to the reality that there is real happiness, joy, and peace to be had right now.

Victor

truth_be_known, the brain will focus on the path we chart. The negative bias is always at work in the back ground and it will remind us of past painful memories to avoid in the future. Time diminishes the strong pull to the past because the way memories are coded become fuzzy and in black and white. Mindfulness will greatly help anyone to live the present fully aware.

VE

Victor

For some weird reason the platform is buggy and I cannot upload part 2 of this post so I'll just combine it here.

Approval

As children we have a need to bond with our caregivers or parents. This bond leads to needing their approval. This basic human drive is a very powerful motivating force. I've had clients who sought this approval even from deceased parents. JW's belief system cuts off one's emotional intelligence in service of pleasing a very punitive God from the old testament. This fear is drilled into the JW's at every opportunity to exercise control and loyalty to the elders.

A healthy goal of recovery is to gain self approval. No one can ever control us other than what we surrender. When we learn to be comfortable in our skin and approve of our actions, we rise above the tyranny from being approval addicts.

VE

Finkelstein

The WTS creates a luring psychological cult of love and brotherhood, righteous virtue as being god's chosen organization because of their close adherence to the bible, god's word.

God's holy spirit is directing the organization through the GB anointed ones too.

When one first starts with the JWS people are impressed of the in front look and appearance of love, men are wearing suits, woman are dressed nicely, looking neat and tidy, smiles everywhere, look how happy god's people are !

The indoctrination process starts from there.

Overtime the aspect of subservience to the top leading men of the organization/cult sets in, lies, and hypocrisy are observed, the controlling oppression, fear, guilt and obligation becomes deeply imposed.

Are you doing enough ? are you showing your deeply felt devotion to Jehovah in accomplishing his will and purpose ?

The writings in the bible particularly the book of Revelation is taken as factual, meaning the world in going to be destroyed soon so we better draw other people into the organization to save their lives.

Fear, guilt and obligation is set .

The psychological trauma starts.

Victor

Finkelstein you are spot on

Victor

It appears Simon has a software brake to limit posts so here is my commentary on mental illness among JW's

Disclaimer: This article has some broad generalizations that will have exceptions to what is stated. This is the only way I can even attempt to address the topic. I've looked for scholarly articles published on peer reviewed journals for years. I don't know of any. Years ago, a JW and an apologist for the WTS named Carr wrote a slanted article on mental health in favor of JW's.

Since JW's are a closed group, there is no way of accurately knowing the degree of mental illness among its members. However, we can look at the symptoms among its members to come up with some educated guesses. I will draw on my experience and admit in advance this is a subjective viewpoint from an experiencer.

In my last congregation I attended, I witnesses forms of depression from families living in poverty with no prospects of a better future. Continuing education or specialized training for a technical job was forbidden if it interfered with making meetings or field service. This double bind (damn if you do damn if you don't) filled the lives of many members. When husbands (many elders) were emotionally or mentally abusive with their family members, there was no relief. Wives were advised to be submissive pray and leave it in God's hands.

Since JW's are such a sexually repressive group, issues of infidelity and prohibited sexual acts were rampant. When elders or ministerial servants were the predators, the victims were told to leave it in God's hands.

Some portion of the demographic were members with existing mental illness pre-conversion. These people clung to the faith as an antidote for their illness fantasizing an idyllic future in the paradise. In my opinion these people's illness was exacerbated from the binds the religion created for them. In our congregation, I head of one lady who was disfellowshipped for sex out of marriage and in her meeting with the elders, she broke down and went into a fetal position crying uncontrollably. She was having an emotional psychotic breakdown.

One lady I knew in another congregation suffered from bipolar depression. In one of her manic episodes, she sold her house and went to serve where the need was greater. This could have been avoided if she had been encouraged to seek medical and psychological help. When she cycled back to normal, she was broke with no one to turn to for help.

In my experience, a very large percentage of personal problems among JW members had a psychological explanation that psychotherapy could have solved. This option was strictly forbidden and anyone who turned to professional help was viewed with suspicion.

Do JW's cause mental illness? Yes, from the hypnotic alternate reality they construct with hypnotic language. When reality clashes with this unrealistic magical thinking mindset, the witness is told he has double down on having more faith and being submissive to the elders.

VE

Exiting the JW's and its aftermath

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