UNINTENDED CONSEQUENCES of ISOLATION
Howdy and Good Morning Boss!
Please excuse my flamboyant greeting. I’m only following orders.
I’m going to quote you. “Be upbeat and cheerful. Lighten up. Don’t take things too personally.”
My cheerful greeting is insubordinate in tone but simply the unintended consequences of direct orders.
Now I’ll get down to business with the daily report.
1. Dr. Steven McLean is still locked in our facility storage room.
“Deranged and violent” only begins to scratch the surface of his Psych report.
Policy (your policy) dictates “isolation and observation” as S.O.P. (Standard Operating Procedure.)
None of us can find anything in the protocols about “treatment” of violent and deranged murderers.
That places the onus back on your side. (Hint hint.)
2. Dr. Lionel Wenger’s frozen corpse has been jettisoned from Sick Bay and the ice axe used to hack him to pieces
was photographed along with the crime scene.
Please advise if it is okay to return it to the rack or kept for eventual criminal investigative purposes.
3. I have taken it upon myself to declare a level three, Emergency Red.
With little entertainment, diversion, or distraction available in Arctic Outpost Zebra Charly, we have devolved into arguments over informal chess game disputes.
Please reference my previous detailed copout form Zed 102.114 re Steven/Wenger altercation.
I’ve removed the chess board and pieces from the Rec Room and locked them in the Facility Admin safe.
4. According to the results of the
Audit of Health and Safety in the U.S. Antarctic Program
National Science Foundation
Office of Inspector General
OIG Report no. 15-2-009
NSF
“...but one HR manager that we interviewed estimated that 60 - 75 percent of disciplinary
Action taken by her company was related to alcohol misuse.”
I only mention the above in order to call attention to the very next paragraph of
(Conduct & Disciplinary Policy for Seasonal Employees) which states:
“It is important to note that this policy does not apply to non-contractor USAP participants.”
5. “NSF officials acknowledged that alcohol consumption in the USAP can create unpredictable behaviour that has led to fights, indecent exposure, and employees arriving to work under the influence.” I would suggest adding the phrase.
“ and axe murders” on that list.
6. Off duty shortwave radio communication with King George Island, Bellingshausen Station last evening turned up a juicy piece of gossip I thought I’d pass on to you, Boss.
Listen up!
“An intoxicated 54-year-old electrical engineer named Sergei Divitzky stabbed a 52-year-old welder named Oleg Belaguzgy after an emotional breakdown. Oleg had been spoiling the endings of his colleague’s mystery novels checked out of the station’s library.”
Why do I mention this to you? Well, I won’t spoil the ending of that mystery for you - you’ll just have to figure it out for yourself.
7. “Isolation often precedes cognitive decline as one ages. There are physiological changes to the brain’s structure.”
A 7,3% reduction in the hippocampal volume of the dentate gyrus is now known to occur within the first 14 months of an expedition to isolated Antarctic stations such as the one I’m sitting in at this moment. (
Sidebar: they have stationed me here for 3 years.)
8. Symptoms of hippocampal atrophy include: “Mood Dysfunction, Memory issues, disorientation in familiar areas, severe issues in following directions, and difficulty in key decision making.” (Hint hint.)
9. We here at the Almirante Brown Scientific Station have taken it upon ourselves to address our dissensions. Suggestions have been collated and voted on.
I thought you’d find the results of our coalition’s efforts eye-opening, if not downright frightening.
Fasten your seat belt, Boss!
10. Collectively, we voted to override the Chief Security Officer.
He has been neutralised and the contents of his safe were extracted using sophisticated psychological measures that proved quite effective mostly thanks to our staff Psychiatrist Leonid Bukowski.
Imagine our surprise when we discovered that the so-called “research” our facility has been conducting these last 73 years is nothing more than a C.I.A. scheme to hide what is really going on. I, of course, refer to the LETHAL DRONE COORDINATE LAUNCH program.
Speaking for all 85 of us, we will now say this about that:
“The statement from the Attorney General that we should
trust the Federal Government to do what is appropriate, is, in our
view contrary to the Bill of Rights, itself predicated on the notion that we do
not trust those in power, be they Democrats or Republicans,
The U.S. Bill of Rights exists to protect our liberties
regardless of who happens to be in power.”
11. Boss, you will be receiving this final report at the usual time 08:00
Our coordinates and telemetry indicate your exact location inside the Pentagon and right about…now….you’ll be on the receiving end of all armed and fully targeted MQ-9 Reapers equipped each with four Hellfire missiles and two 500-pound bombs.
Signing off now,
Lester M. Chadwick, non-contractor USAP participant
_______________
Story by T.E. Walstrom
http://www.gao.gov/products/GAO-15-461
