by Heartsafire 65 Replies latest jw friends
Welcome. There are lots of people here in all states of disentanglement from the WTS. You will find support, empathy and encouragement here. Sometimes we disagree with one another but the good thing is it is allowed and we've learnt that instead of having to hate someone just because of one point of disagreement we can find lots of common ground and be a positive and productive community.
Welcome again!
Stuck, thank you for responding to my post and for the good advice.
I'm in the southern U.S.A.
I feel like I have years worth of ranting pent up inside. Haha!
Heartsafire: I feel like I have years worth of ranting pent up inside. Haha!
Oh I hear ya sister...LOUD and clear!...
welcome heartsafire (great handle)
It's always interesting how people relate back with the things that really resonate with them the most. For me it was really the whole 607 thing, also the way they hid their history - there is nothing wrong with making mistakes , its lying about them that is wrong, I mean isn't that one of the first things we teach our kids?
And yes, I agree with you the child abuse thing is dreadful. Christians should want complete transparency - its the very opposite of loving to sweep it under the carpet. I used to think that it was wrong to talk about how awful violence is and yet PRACTICE that very violence on our little ones. I know its a generational thing to some extent but surely Gods organization should be leading the way when it comes to protecting the vulnerable not dragged kicking and screaming into the 21st century .
Anyway, you sound like a brave lass, 5 gen eh? Wow,you are going to need a lot of strength I really really hope you can get through to hubby. Many people say that its not the bare facts but the emotional side of things eg lack of love that wakes them up. Might be worth thinking about re: hubby.😀
dear heartsafire - welcome what a brilliant first post!
Doest it feel great to finally acknowledge those doubts, listen to them and research your way out of the 'guilt laden fog' of WT teachings!
I am new here too, just 6 months since I finally acknowledged my doubts and was brave enough to look at 'Apostate' websites - jwfacts.com has been great for me, it confirmed my own suspicions but opened me up to a lot more inconsistencies too. Also Crisis of Conscience and In Search of Christian Freedom are MUST reads. You will get great advice on here and I agree its so freeing to laugh at the irreverent posts about the GB etc, when we've been so careful for so long about what we should and shouldn't say.
I have a zealous husband too, but thankfully, we are both converts so our parents and extended family are not JWs. I started telling him my doubts by asking him sincere questions about the child abuse cover ups, why only witnesses will survive (1 in 1000) , family shunning, bad treatment of others by 'appointed' ones etc.. etc.. - as I researched I told him more and more (UN, Malawi, false prophecies) and the walls came up, he got very angry/upset and said he can't hear anything more negative about the society. He arranged a shepherding call for me with the C.O. and I managed to come across as sincere and doubting. I've faded fast, now not attending (maybe once a month only) on the positive side, my husband really doesnt want me to get df'd and is committed to protecting me from that. We've had issues over our kids mainly but thats a whole other story.
I feel for those so much who are 2nd generation or more - that is a whole lot of family and community to lose. You will get good advice on here on fading slowly (depression/anxiety excuse works for missing meetings), using sincere questions to get your husband to think and how to sidestep a grilling from the elders.
even if you can't be totally free because of your family - at least your mind is free
lots of love x
Welcome, heartsafire, it's so good to see members of "the large army" (sisters!) are waking up and doing it for themselves!
Exactly what Kate said - take care of yourself first, and then your husband "may be won without a word."
It's going to be difficult not to speak TTATT to your husband, but converting him Is not your priority - getting yourself out by fading should be your focus right now. Plenty of tips on here as to how to body-swerve elders etc.
All the best!
Welcome Heartsafire. Sorry you're in such a tough situation. Hopefully you can blow off stress and join our rantathons on here. Looking forward to reading your opinions on stuff.
Bonsai
Welcome! I really enjoyed your post. Fifth gen is impressive. Your family must go back pretty much to the Russell days. My story is much the same except I'm fourth gen and it's my wife that's still indoctrinated. There really aren't any simple solutions. I wish you the best and look forward to your future posts.
Iggy
hello Heartsafire, there are lots of us here who are treading on eggshells with our spouses. I've been fading for years now, my husband is an elder and although I can talk to him about doctrinal things, show him what's in the bible and compare it to what is taught, it's much harder to talk about scandals etc. So I try and take it very slow, drop a seed every now and then. It's very hard but he's now used to me not going to meetings or out on FS anymore (except for an odd meeting). I'm hoping one day something will happen to lift the blinkers but I'm not holding my breath. One of the best things I've found is to say that God gave us a free will, that it's a precious gift and he wouldn't want us to be forced into things that we weren't happy about. Saying that I feel uncomfortable with the way things are going and feel much happier reading my bible by myself and will stay close to God that way.He respects that and leaves me to it. Sometimes he tries to push my buttons but I usually manage to resist. LOL We find it works for us.
Hope you can find your own way to get through this. Remember, patience is everything if you want to make your marriage survive this!
