Weird POSTHUMOUS Interview with Russell and Rutherford
Q: How do you wish to be called? Is it Pastor or Doctor, or what?
Russell: For many years I served as a Pastor. I never darkened the doorway of an institution of theology to obtain certification in Christendom.
Rutherford: Call me Judge or Joe, as long as you call me for supper! ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Q: Very well. Pastor Russell and Judge Rutherford can you briefly describe your relationship?
Russell: We live on in the capacity of disembodied beings.
Rutherford: I'm serving in an executive capacity in heaven on the board, as it were.
Q: Board? Of what?
Rutherford: Board of Directors!
Russell: He only thinks he’s directing!
Rutherford: I DIRECT the preaching work and oversee the protocols of doctrinal dissemination.
Russell: He blusters and bullshits!
Rutherford: Shut yer pie hole, you old fossil.
Q: Have things changed for you since your demise and resurrection? I mean...as far as your mission in connection with Jehovah's Kingdom?
Russell: Oh my yes! So many things are clearer now than in my earthly state.
Rutherford: For instance: the first thing you discover in heaven is that God's name isn't JEHOVAH!
Q: Startling news for a Jehovah's Witness!
Russell: Not for me...I never was one; although I used "Jehovah" to reference deity.
Rutherford: At any rate....Jehovah is not the name our Lord prefers to be called. In fact, He despises the very use of it.
Q: What exactly IS the Lord's name?
Rutherford: He says it’s Jerry Randolph.
Russell: I too was shocked.
Q: How is this possible?
Rutherford: He says He can call himself anything He likes and He likes Jerry Randolph!
Russell: All those Jehovah's Witnesses drive him batty with their constant, “Jehovah this and Jehovah that--like they go out on double-dates together or some such.”
Q: So, can we assume Jehovah's Witnesses ARE God's ...um...Jerry's chosen people?
Russell: Oh my no!
Rutherford: They are on his shit-list!
Russell: Jerry mainly blames old Freddy Franz. Too much imagination in one little man--and no room left for actual facts!
Rutherford: And----look around heaven all you like; you won't find Freddy anywhere!!
Q: Oh! Should we assume he is...um...in another less appealing place?
Rutherford: Oh yes! He is in Detroit!
Russell: In a very small walkup apartment without central heat and air!
Q: Say whaaaat?
Rutherford: That's right. He has been set the task of reading all of L.Ron Hubbard's writings and giving a report on them to the Big Guy in the sky.
Russell: Jerry is fascinated by Scientology! He hasn't made up His mind. He can't understand most of it....
Rutherford: ...but, He really likes Tom Cruise movies!
Q: Since you mention Scientology----exactly what IS the only true religion?
Russell: Oh, I asked Jerry that myself right off when I reached the spirit plane.
Rutherford: So did I!
Russell: Jerry hasn't made up his mind. He’s sort of leaning toward the Magic 8 Ball.
Q: This is astounding! The Supreme Being doesn't KNOW which religion is true?
Russell: His Holiness, Mr.Randolph, insists He is not the SUPREME being. He thinks of Diana Ross as the Supreme being.
Rutherford: Imbecile! Jerry was making a play on words when He said that! Idiot!
Q: Um....this raises more questions, naturally....
Russell: Don't call me idiot, you buffoon.
Rutherford: Kiss my pucker, whisker boy!
Q: Gentlemen!! Gentlemen!!
Rutherford: We're NOT men anymore. I told you. We are spirits in a material world-don’t you listen to Sting?
Q: All Right. Whatever you like. Can we move on? I'd like to know what purpose God, er uh, Jerry has for mankind. Can either of your give a detailed synopsis?
Russell: Certainly. Jerry woke up in the middle of the universe in the middle of endless eternity and decided He existed. After that, He was really bored.
Rutherford: Yes. Who wouldn't be with all that time on His hands?
Russell: So, He decided to start a hobby or two to occupy Himself.
Rutherford: And, to cut to the chase, He has been improvising and experimenting ever since then!
Russell: He began toying with..the act of creating. . . using parts of Himself.
Rutherford: That is where his bosom companion came from that we used to think of as Logos.
Russell: Yes, but we were wrong, Joe--don't leave that out!
Rutherford: It was Freddy who was wrong. He wrote most of Watch tower material that didn't make any sense, you see.
Russell: Don't go scapegoating Franz, Judge. You approved of everything he wrote!
Rutherford: Hogwash! I had a magazine to fill. I needed SOMETHING to put in it; even the horse plop Freddy churned out.
Q: Excuse me---are you saying that God and His son are not part of a Trinity?
Rutherford: You can explain that one, Charlie.
Russell: Not much to explain, really, God is really bored. He suffers from Multiple Personality Disorder. He switches back and forth all the time.
Rutherford: Worse than that. Tell him, Pastor!
Russell:Jerry can't really be regarded as "sane" in the same sense that you and I are sane.
Rutherford: Speak for yourself, Pastor!
Russell: I WAS speaking for myself! Anyway, Jerry gets depressed. His interaction with humanity is a lot like a young lad with toys.
Rutherford: Or dinosaurs! He was fascinated with strange concoctions for millions of years!
Russell: Yes. He came up imaginative and scarifying inventions. Finally, He ended up making them fight and eat each other.
Rutherford: Then--Jerry sent a huge asteroid to crash into Earth and He started all over.
Russell: Yes, with HUMANS!
Rutherford: He was maturing a bit. Humanity was a more refined game.
Russell: Hardly that!
Q: Are you saying God did not have the divine purpose temporarily thwarted by man's SIN??
Rutherford: You can think what you like. Jerry told me He was just making everything up as He went along.
Russell: Jerry use to love putting a good scare into primitive humans.
Rutherford: And impressing them with miracles and wonders!
Russell: Or getting really angry with them when they failed to play the game His way.
Rutherford: Oh boy--did He ever get angry!!
Q: Are you saying the Bible isn't true, not fully accurate?
Russell: The Bible is mainly man’s guesses, opinions and rumors.
Rutherford: Yes, unfortunately for the True Believers there isn't much substance there after all.
Russell: Sigh. Yes, all those theology students may as well be partying it up.
Q: So then, there is no Hell either?
Rutherford: Oh YES there is! But, it isn't what humans think it is!
Q: Explain, please?
Russell: Hell is a continual seeking to make sense of who God is and what He wants mankind to do.
Rutherford: Yes, He seems to be sulking right now. He’d love to end it all, but since He can’t ever die--He craves the distractions and the company.
Russell: What the Judge fails to tell you is that Jerry sometimes will whisper "inspirations" into men's ears and convince them of this or that to start a new religion going and see what kind of marvellous ideas they come up with.
Rutherford: Like hiring scriptwriters for a movie.
Russell: I suppose you could say that.
Q: Such as?
Rutherford: He really liked what Muhammed did with some the ideas Jerry gave him. That fellow went out and conquered most of the world.
Russell: Joseph Smith was a favorite for awhile too, don't forget.
Rutherford: Not as much as you were, Pastor. Don't be modest!
Russell: Oh my---well, I suppose I should be straightforward and admit I was a favorite of His for awhile.
Rutherford: Not JUST you! He really liked my style too.....for awhile!
Q: Are you both saying that God.....er...Jerry has set into motion first one religion and then another and another all through history JUST TO OCCUPY HIS MIND???
Rutherford: I'd say that's pretty much it.
Russell: Yes, time is really nagging at Jerry. He is very sick of it!
Rutherford: Even tried to commit suicide back in the day.
Q: WHAAAT? WHEN?
Russell: You know the story---He got Himself crucified!
Rutherford: Tried every way He could to get Himself done in!
Russell: Just one aspect of Jerry's Multiple Personality Syndrome.
Q: Explain, if you can.
Russell: Jerry is depressed and pretty unstable. He has done everything there is. He tires easily of the same old same old things.
Rutherford: That is true! He starts messing with what He has going. It confuses the hell out of people, animals and Earth itself!
Q: I just don't know what to make of this.....
Russell: I'm surprised you didn't ask about Satan!
Q: OH! Yes, please tell me---is there a real devil?
Rutherford: Nobody knows for sure. Nobody has ever seen the devil. We only hear rumors from the angels that all is not as it seems.
Russell: Yes, most angels will not discuss Him-whose-name-must-not-be-mentioned without trembling.
Rutherford: My own opinion is that this is just another of Jerry's darker personality disorders at play.
Russell: Perhaps. It is difficult to surmise.
Q: Have the two of you been involved in any SANE aspects of the Preaching work among the group Jehovah's Witnesses?
Russell: Yes, I write "New Light" doctrines and Joe changes them!
Rutherford: Ha ha ha ha---that's a good one. ha ha ha ha.
Q: Is that true?
Rutherford: Certainly not. Freddy is in charge of that.
Q: And Fred Franz is where?
Russell: Nobody knows. However--let me just tell you this one thing. . .whenever Freddy’s name is mentioned all the angels tremble.
End of Interview
For the peculiar Interview with Russell and Rutherford in the Spirit Realm: