at the end of the day my wife's feelings & relationship are more important to me than anything else ❤
This pretty much says it all. But freeing one's self from the confines of any false belief doesn't require you having to choose between it and one's family. Nor does subversion work very well unless you can replace it with a better spiritual foundation because people need religion as a means of making sense of one's existence. Even atheists need to believe in something, even if it's nothing.
Were you both JWs before you were married or are you converts? If converts, what churches were you members of? Do you still consider yourself a Christian or has your awakening caused you to lose your faith in everything? Also, when you say you're having a tug of war with your wife, what type? How far do you go? When it comes to writing a check to Jehovah's earthly kingdom, is there tension? When it comes to money, dropping yours into the coffers of a false religion must be difficult.
When you two go to the KH together, if you're still going, do you ask "inappropriate" questions? Rock the boat in any way? Does she seem willing to talk about the things that bother you or does she clam up? And finally, has she gone to see the elders yet?
Sorry to hear you're going through this, but I'm happy to hear you're sticking with your family.
