Random Musings of an ex-JW Closing a Chapter

by StarTrekAngel 5 Replies latest jw experiences

  • StarTrekAngel

    As you all may recall, I made it public a few months back that I was moving away from my former neighboorhood. Well, we moved into our new place during the Christmas/New Year week, and it has been an awesome decision. More on that later.

    Naturally, after having hauled all our "material possessions" to our new place, we embarked on the process of giving our old home a touch of paint, etc. Getting it ready for listing. I am not sure how long I can hold on to two mortgages but the relief of being away from that place out weights the rest. This weekend was no exception. We spent most of Sunday cleaning and painting, and it was also an excellent opportunity to pick up my mother-in-law, whom despite living with us at our new place, insists on spending the weekends back with her congregation. We drop her off on Fridays and pick her up on Sundays. During the week she technically misses that meeting. I say "technically" because she does not go to the nearby KH. Instead of calling in to listen to the meeting, she puts on a dress, reads the information and even sings out loud in her room. Although I am inactive or spiritually weak, I am a baptized male, and she should be wearing something on her head... LOL. I won't hold her to it. Small price to pay :/

    Going back to the work I am doing at my former home, my wife talked me out of doing some of the work myself and decided to hire someone. Mostly the outside paint. I was, however, cleaning out my shed when I realized it needed to be finished. It too needed paint on the still barewood frame. I took out my phone and wrote it down in the to-do for hire list. Then in a sudden flash I also changed my mind.

    It was back in February of 2016 when I first started painting it. I had done a good 80% of it the week before. It was a fairly warm day but not bad in terms of what summers are like in South Texas. I had this uncomfortable dizziness most of the time, and I was blaming the warmth although I knew I had been in worse before. All was fine until I had to step on a ladder. The dizziness suddenly became more than a nuisance. Mind you I have been an installation technician for a good part of my career, and I've also climbed telecom towers up to 500 ft. Getting on a ladder 3 ft off the ground should not have been an issue. As a tech, I have climbed countless rooftops looking for towers and sometimes did so with one hand while holding heavy equipment on the other hand on 26ft ladders, sometimes fully extended.

    All that to say that I was shocked at the way I was feeling and I got terrified. I ended up in the ER that night because the dizziness got worst and would not go away. My BP was 180/100. The ER Dr assumed he had just discovered a case of chronic high BP and gave me a pill that I now know could have killed me. It was fine the first night, but this was a weekend, and he directed me to take the same pill until I saw my Dr on Monday. I woke up the next night like at 4 am, shaking uncontrollably. Turns out I was overdosing on BP meds and dropping my BP to the ground. In an effort to not repeat things I had described before, this was the beginning of a long series of health issues that were not real. Although it felt very real, it was all brought by chronic stress and anxiety. Don't need to explain it here. Many of us have been there before.

    Long story short, I stood there looking at my shed and thinking... this is one honey-do that I did not finish thanks to the Watchtower. That wasn't the only thing that got suspended due to the motions of going thru the process of coming out to the family about my awakening, but it sure was the first one. After all the hell I went thru and all the feelings and anxiety, fearing for my life and my future, what better way to begin closing that chapter of my life than finishing the shed. I scratched off the list and went at it myself.
    When I finished, I took a step back and meditated for a second.

    I believe that for me this seals it. I can't guarantee that these dark years will not happen ever again. Whether it is the same issue or a new one but at some point, you have to wrap it up like you would old bills for a service you no longer use. You archive them away and keep the notes of what you have learned.

    I now live in a brand new, beautiful master planned subdivision with lakes, trails, and parks. I am closer to work and to everything that I need for daily living. I got yet another promotion, and quite a few of other toxic people at work are gone or retired. My kids can now mingle with other kids at the park and not have JW only friends. My wife and I are as happy as ever, and we have not attended a meeting in the years since.

    I hereby declared that chapter of my life closed. May the new one be all that it appears to be for a long, long time.

  • DesirousOfChange

    Everyone loves a Happy Ending!


    The greatest revenge is living a happy & successful life!

  • Xanthippe

    I'm glad you're happy in a lovely new home and that life is working out for you. Another family leaves the cult and makes a success of their lives!

  • Simon

    Great OP

    Remember: anytime an exJW moves on and lives a normal happy life, an angel that used to be an anointed one face-plants into a cliff because it distracted them

    Just keep thinking of those smug bastard angels with their now mashed up faces ...

  • dubstepped

    Lol @ Simon's post. I will now think of that myself.

    Great story OP! So many of us have dealt with the physical fallout of cult life in some form or fashion. I love that you went and finished that job up yourself. It has to give you a type of closure. What a wonderful thing to do for yourself.

    Go live that new life in that new place and be happy!

  • Giordano

    Congrats on the move up.

    We just sold our home this past Friday it took a bit longer then we thought a A big weight was lifted off our shoulders.

    If you are stateside try advertising on Zillow.com . We were successful two times before.The service is free and you can advertise that you will cooperate with a realtor. Usually a two or three percent commission.

    However the key to a quick sale is to have the best price (lowest price as possible) make sure it looks it's best and hold it open on the weekends if you can. After a month or two sign up with a broker.

    If you need more info P.M. me.

    Good luck

Share this