A Question of Adultery

by snugglebunny 9 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • snugglebunny

    Question: If a JW married lady is accused of adultery and a Judicial Committee is formed to investigate the matter, is the lady's JW husband also invited to attend as the possibly injured party?

  • Sail Away
    Sail Away

    I knew of one case. The husband was not invited to the JC, but the elders insisted the wife call her husband in their presence on the telephone. She refused and was DF'd. She told him that night, so the committee recinded the decision, and she was privately reproved. She told me this herself many years later. She still felt trapped in her marriage to a verbally abusive man.

  • sir82

    I think the policy is that the husband of any JW woman facing a judicial committee is "invited" to attend the JC, the idea being that he is the "family head" and it is a sign of "respect" for his "headship".

    He can choose to attend or not - but he always "should" be invited, per policy.

  • _Morpheus

    Question: If a JW married lady is accused of adultery and a Judicial Committee is formed to investigate the matter, is the lady's JW husband also invited to attend as the possibly injured party?

    Sir 82 (as usual) is correct. Here is the page from the elders text book:

    He would be invited, the only exception being if the elders feared he would be violent. They rather he beat her at home in private.

  • Bobcat

    Just a technical note: A JC would not be formed to investigate whether someone committed adultery (or anything else for that matter). Normally two elders would be assigned to investigate an accusation. If they find evidence of serious sin they would inform the BOE and a JC would be formed to determine if there is sufficient evidence of repentance. The JC would assume guilt unless something came up during the JC meeting. The KS book says "accused" for CYA reasons.

  • snugglebunny

    Thanks Morpheus. My own experience was that my first wife, who had been something of a wanderer once, had engaged in a brief one-night affair just after I had been disfellowshipped for an apostasy matter. We decided to try to make our marriage work, but she felt that she needed to confess less she got the chop at the Big A. So she went to the JC and received an official reproof. However, I have to tell you that what was essentially a personal matter between the two of us now become a subject for discussion between her and the 3 men of the JC, which really pissed me off. Being DF'd meant I was not invited to attend the JC. This did not do anything to help our own situation at all. In fact, 3 months later, we both found the situation intolerable and parted and were subsequently divorced. In retrospect, being divorced was the best thing for both of us, but it could have been an easier process if there had been no input from the men of the JC.

  • FadeToBlack

    Not only was I not invited to any JC related meetings regarding my first wife's involvement with an elder from bethel, I was 'encouraged' not to even attend the meeting where the reprovals were announced. Did they think I would go postal at the KH? They probably figured I was the quiet type and you have to be careful. TBH, I probably would not have gone anyway, just too bizarre. So I stayed at home with the children that night.

  • _Morpheus

    Snuggle, i had an uncomfortable experience but in the reverse, that haunts me to this day.

    First, no one need cry tears for me, i was an elder by choice and have no one to point fingers at.

    That said, when i was just begining to realize the truth about the truth, a young woman cheated on her husband. They were married far too young and things had no gone especially well for them. She confessed and a jc was formed. I was asked to be on it. We invited him, of course.

    Things were uncomfortable, to say the least, from the start. Then one of the men on the jc asked a fairly innoncent question as to where the event had occured, meaning the physical location (i.e. house, car, the woods etc etc). Before anyone, including her husband, could react the young wife began to launch into graphic detail as to “how” the infidelity had occured. Her husband tried to stop her. We tried to stop her. She kept going, apparently having worried that she was going be forced to reveal every graphic detail and wanted to get it over with.

    It took almost 30 seconds to get her to stop but the damage was done. The husband was devastated. Apparently he had not inquired as to specifics and heard them for the first time. I front of three other men.

    When we got her to stop she was in tears and he was visibly hurt. The three of us on the jc were shaken as we had all agreeded in advance to stay away from any specifics as they simply weren't necessary or appropriate. We all felt dirty and not just a little slimy for having been a part of that.

    The young couple never recovered, in no small part because the husband could never look at his wife the same way after the details of her liaison were blurted out in front of other people (men he looked up to, rightly or wrongly).

    I still feel slimy. Im no prude. I have a very active sexual life and feel free to talk about sex with anyone who wants to.. i have plenty of sexual proclivities that some would think extreme and i couldnt give a damn. Im totally comfortable with sex as a topic... when its a consensual conversation and all parties are willing. This wasnt willing. She felt forced to share ugly details of an affair and her husband was shamed as other men listened (again, not our intent and we literally MADE her stop).

    I never sat on an adultry situation again. It was a wake up call as to just how invasive the jc was and caused a lot of internal termoil for me about the morality of jc’s.

    Honestly, sharing this is more confessional for me than any idea that it might help someone else. Im really ashamed to have been a part of that, as unintentional as hearing those things may have been. The jc is no more than a shamming device to keep people in line for the cult. Nobody should ever stand in front of one.

  • snugglebunny

    Morph, I can see the young lady's dilemma. She would feel that she must tell everything to get forgiveness. As a teenager, I'd received a confession from another teen in our old congo. I advised her to confess all to our PO, who just happened to be my father. He was away at the time and I felt unable to handle my knowledge, so I telephoned him to warn him that a confession of fornication was on it's way. He advised me to to go and talk to the lady and tell her haste was everything and that he was returning on such and such a date. He then told me to tell her to hold nothing back when she confessed, otherwise her confession would be invalid.

  • stuckinarut2

    Oh wow Morpheus!

    That is indeed some ordeal. So glad you and the rest of the JC had decided to NOT ask for specifics. That shows that you afforded her dignity.

    However it seems that she was under the impression that she was obliged to "spill the beans" to such a committee. That shows the overwhelming abuse of power that the culture of the "truth" has over people... So Sad.

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