Life in Flux, Self-Reflection, and the Bible

by losingit 6 Replies latest jw friends

  • losingit

    Hello Everyone,

    It has been at least 2 years since I posted, and for the most part, I believe, I left this site on a happy note. I had moved on from the drama and confusion that transitioning out of being a JW and into the world meant. I was building a happy life with my children. I established a career for myself that provides meaning. I started dating. I made new friends. This site played an instrumental role in helping me to move on and start anew.

    I find myself thinking about old Bible texts again.For the past several weeks, many things I learned while in the Watchtower as a Witness have come back to mind. I wouldn't say that any of it is doctrine related. I never really held onto those strange beliefs anyway, even when I was a Witness. Many of the principles about how to be a good person, a good Christian, are popping back into my life. And, to be honest, I am thankful, so very appreciative, that I have the Bible as a foundation to turn to now that things are back in flux.

    I must make a decision soon, either to stay in my current relationship or leave, but I must make it from a peaceful place, a powerful place, a place from wisdom and knowledge and insight. I've stopped talking to my friends about my problems. In fact, I have retreated from many of those, what now feel like, superficial relationships. I stopped going to happy hour. I no longer want to drink, although sometimes I do succumb. I started seeing a therapist. I like that she tells me to trust and be my Wise me. I've decided to stop talking to my parents about what's going on. I feel pressured to make decisions I am not ready to make. I feel pressured, and I don't believe I have explored all of my options and done everything possible to improve things. I have mastery over my work. I started going to the gym. I started taking flamenco lessons. I am turning into myself and towards my children. I want to be alone, more than anything else, in order to think and find myself again.

    I don't know what I will find being here again, in this community. I am an ex-JW for many years now, and I resolved and removed many of the issues and distorted lies the JWs implanted in my soul. I seek love, honor, integrity, intimacy, and a deeper connection to the universe through my relationships and my inner core. I thought about writing a blog, about starting a Bible study for myself, to find self-understanding and become centered. I don't want to avoid the truth of my situation, but I do want to examine it more closely to make sure all avenues have been explored.

    Hello, again, everyone. I am looking forward to where we go next.

    Galatians 5:22-23, for example. "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law."

    Ephesians 4:31-32. "Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor, and railing, be put away from you, with all malice: and be kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, even as God also in Christ forgave you."

    Proverbs 31:10-31 (I won't cite the whole thing since it's so long.)

  • Still Totally ADD
    Still Totally ADD

    Welcome back to this ste. I hope you can find peace in whatever you do. Take care and good luck. Still Totally ADD

  • truthlover123


    Reading your update, one can see how hard you worked at becoming your own person. It does take so much more than the usual person to achieve what you have accomplished when leaving a strict controlling environment..and where you are at this time in your life- reflection can be a good thing now and then... if you loved the Bible before, it will come back to you, only in a more vibrant way... seeing things clearer, not laden down with human intervention.

    All the best

  • Vanderhoven7

    Hebrews 12: 1-3 is encouraging as well.
    1. Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,
    2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
    3Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
  • Sea Breeze
    Sea Breeze

    Glad you ditched the alcohol. It arrested my development to a FAR greater extent than I thought. And I only drank twice a week.... always been a good provider for my family. I have been sober for 5 1/2 half months and I'm seeing and understanding the reality of things to a far greater degree than ever before.

    Sobriety doesn't always generate good feelings either. And I still get anxious episodes due to early WT scare tactics. But at least it is real and it is my reality, not one I imagine.

    I highly recommend getting in touch with your local "Celebrate Recovery" group. Recovery from hurts and hangups happen in the open and in community. Cults and addictions usually require secrecy and isolation.

    Welcome to Freedom. Glad to hear you are taking it seriously. It is a precious thing..

  • Giordano

    You kind of messed up my day with your post.It made me sad. I ran my errands and came back to your post and I was happy to see that some of our good and reasonable people have responded.

    I went back and read a fair number of your earlier posts 3 or 4 years back in an attempt to understand your most recent post.

    I take it you are reaching out to those who helped with your exit from the religion. And I really couldn't ignore your recent attempt to communicate the issues that still concern you or more to the point what kind of answers we can or can't give you.

    If you could clarify one issue that we could help with I am sure we will respond

    I do not have a degree in any of the sciences that could be of help re mental health issues. Just practical knowledge of this religion and what so many talked about when they came to this site.

    Let me be honest I am not inclined to value the bible in any respect. I want to be honest about that. If you receive comfort from reading scripture.... so be it.......your choice.

    I am a person of this world trying to make it a better place to live in not a place to promote any religious opinions, rules and regulations. However I can understand that there is comfort in scripture.

    My expertise, what little I have, is in humanism, we can interact on that level if you wish. But as others will tell you including out fine Christian Vanderhoven7 I do not promote any religion. Just practical humanism. We must do better for one another, we must hold to a secular ethic that is fair for everyone.

    Just responding to your post because I care about what you said and will offer what I can.

    I am 75 married to my lovely bride for 56 years.........both out of the religion ...for over five decades....Still shunned by my niece who was born 7 years after we left. Still shaking my head at all of the JW BS.

    Four Grandchildren......... two adopted. Great kids......... whip smart. My privilege to know them.

    My wife is an incredible person.

    Our close friends range from meeting them 40 years ago to some just a year ago.

    Apart from not having any spiritual value for one's life choices I have found a walk in a nice park can encompass a greater world view......and I do understand many of the practical issues you are dealing with.

  • MaxWolf

    I left the watchtower when I left home at age 19. But truly I was leaving in my heart by the time I was 15. I was never babtized. But the teaching from the watchtower lingered with me for several years. I always held faith in God but I could never accept the full doctrine of the JWs. My whole family is still neck deep in the watchtower. I was never shunned since I was never actually a publisher, I practically shunned them... Ironically my family was hurt and offended by this.

    Anyway I got married at age 20 to a young woman who was raised Catholic. About two years into it we were having some real problems. She wanted a divorce. I didn't know what to do. A highschool friend was in town that year between his bachelor's and master degrees. His dad was a pastor. I went to their house after my wife gave me her "goodbye" letter. I told them what was happening. His dad told me that I needed Jesus, and he asked me if I wanted to know Jesus. I said yes.

    At that point in my life I had had faith, but I never really knew faith. I cried out to heaven like never before, i begged God to save my marriage. And I can tell you what happened.... I am still married to the same woman now almost 14 years with three beautiful daughters.

    Though I went through some tough times, it was traumatic to unlearn much of the watchtower teachings. For the first time I was face to face with the lies of the watchtower. Before I was not so keenly aware, I had just left not looking back. Now as I looked back and the lies were revealed I felt a lot of anger.

    I'm sharing my story to encourage you to hold on to your faith. Know that beliefs take time to form and they define who we are faith is rooted at or deepest place. When an entity like the watchtower abuses people's faith it hurts us so deeply. What you are feeling is normal. It may surprise you that you are just now having thoughts about old beliefs again. Maybe fear over current events and your future, I don't know. But this is very natural, the beliefs don't just disappear you will need to replace them with something pure otherwise it continue to fester.

    Keep going, I just want to say that God is real and really cares about you and who you are.

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