Memorial

by sandy 8 Replies latest jw friends

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  sandy

  Well I was cornered this weekend. My DF' father and Inactive mother invited me to the Memorial

  My parents both said I better get on the ball there isn't much time left. I said I will go and I am going to go just to make them feel better. And I don't feel like hearing any of my other family members tell me what a heathen I am for not going.

  I am still not ready to stand up to them even though I let them say whatever the hell they want to me.

  I know I am going to be cornered by the Elders while there and I am a little worried I am going to give in when they ask can we go by and give you a shepherding call.

  I want to tell them don't call me I'll call you but I am afraid to be so honest and bold with them. I am always afraid of hurting people's feelings.

  Is anybody else attending? What do you plan to say to anyone who tries to pull you back in?
• 

  rocketman

  Sandy, I kind of know how you feel - I am not good at saying "no" either, and I always try hard to avoid confrontation because I am not good at it at all. On the otehr hand, I am not planning to attned this year, for the first time in 30 plus years.

  If you feel you must go, it may be best to time it so that you arrive a bit late and maybe you could leave as early as possible. Maybe then the elders won't see you. There are, after all, usually a significantly larger number of people attending.

  I must say, I do find it somewhat odd that your dad, who is df'd, and your mom who is inactive, are pressuring you to attend.
• 

  blondie

  Sandy, I can feel the pressure you must be feeling.

  I know I am going to be cornered by the Elders while there and I am a little worried I am going to give in when they ask can we go by and give you a shepherding call.

  Just say that you don't have your calendar with you. Get their number and say you will call and let them when will be a good time. Then just don't call. If they call, just say you are very busy and you will let them know. Then say, "I have to go now, bye." and hang up.

  My DF' father and Inactive mother invited me to the Memorial My parents both said I better get on the ball there isn't much time left.

  Sounds like they aren't taking their own advice.

  I am always afraid of hurting people's feelings.

  What about your feelings, Sandy. Who is going to protect you from being hurt?

  Blondie (who learned no one would protect me but me, survivor of an abusive family)
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  JH

  I must say, I do find it somewhat odd that your dad, who is df'd, and your mom who is inactive, are pressuring you to attend

  Sandy's father said that the end was close. That's why he wants to go. Even some DF'd people are scared stiff of Armageddon.
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  sandy

  Blondie and Rocketman - Thanks for the responses and advice.

  I will probably get there right on time and then sneak out during the prayer. LOL

  My mom said me and your dad need to get our act together too. She always starts going to the meetings whenever something crazy happens in the world.

  She has been watchig the war coverage around the clock since it began. I feel bad for her she gets so scared. But the fear doesn't last long. When the war is over and things have calmed down she will be her usual non-attending meetings, self again. LOL

  My dad on the other hand always says "this is what the bible predicts". I cannot tell if he is really scared or not. He is obviously not scared enough to get his act together. LOL

  He attends Sunday meetings pretty regularly but that is all.
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  Francois

  MY best, most sincere, advice - almost an appeal - to you is this: Learn to respect yourself; learn to value yourself; learn how to protect the sanctity of your personality as a child of God and do it soon.

  For years I was just like you. I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings, no matter what they had said to me that was insulting, belittleing, and invalidating. You see, I had bought into my dysfunctional father's constant insults, belittlement, and invalidation and I thought of myself as the worthless worm as he described me.

  Then one day I gained an understanding that he was engaged in a gross over-compensation for feelings of his own inadequacy by making ME feel like a worthless piece of shit, so he could feel like a big man by comparison. That did it. It lit my fuse, so to speak. The very next time he said something insulting to me, I gave it right back to him in spades. He has never tried it again.

  I thought about that for a long long time and I realized that I'm just as good as any other person on the face of this planet and my standing with God is just as good as that of any other person on this planet. We all are children of the same God, no matter what our family's, or our country's, religious philosophy may chance to be, or what that philosophy may chance to name its God; he's still the same God. There is only one after all.

  You are as good as any other person walking the face of the earth. You can't recall by heart as many scriptures as brother X? And you think God gives you a score for that? You think God is a respecter of ANY person based on ANY form of measurment? I bet he ain't.

  Hold your head up. You just received your deliverance. Did you notice?

  francois

  P.S. Oh, if any elder tries to corner you, look them square in the eye and say, "when I'm ready to talk to you, I'll be sure to give you a call." Then turn around without another word and walk away. If he pursues you to repeat his question in a different set of words, give him your answer again using the same set of works and walk away again. JWs are pretty dense, but sooner or later, he'll get the point.
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  gitasatsangha

  Sandy just a suggestion.

  Go.. to make everyone happy. But..

  Partake.. to at least do the ceremony properly.
• 

  DJ

  HI Sandy,

  I don't want to tell you to make excuses. Excuses have a way of hanging over your head and streesing people. Try your best to look into their eyes and say, "No thank you" It is important to look at a person in the eyes when they feel superior and want to trap you. Personally, I relate to your gentle nature but some things are just plain wrong and the watchtower is one of them. Your parents do not seem like the type to shun you. Like you said, when the war is over they will move on. You seem to be afraid of the elders? Please don't be. Get your best big girl voice and tell them NO. I never had the courage to say what I felt until I found out just how wrong they are. They do not represent my savior or yours. Be brave. They are misleading you. Love, dj
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  jgnat

  In the rest of the world outside of the WTS, children grow up and develop their own opinions about the world. As you know, inside the WTS that is simply not allowed. Perhaps you are a little young yet, but the normal progression to full adulthood and independence is to say no to the things you simply don't want to do. Perhaps, this time it is easier to say 'yes'.

  But soon, for your own growth and peace of mind, you will have to make a stand with your parents. You might want to practice the eye contact and a firm 'no' in front of the mirror first. I guarantee, normal parents recover from such a stand.

  By the way, I have noticed you have grown a great deal since you started on this board. When you started, you wanted everyone else to do your research for you. Now, you state your opinion much more clearly.