Working Mums

by shalom 7 Replies latest social family

shalom

Hi,
As a first time mum I am hoping some of the more experienced mums and dads will reply with their thoughts and advice...
My baby is 4 1/2 months old and I am on maternity leave. I will be returning to part time work (4 hours per day) in a month. My boyfriend is being made redundant and is looking for another job but expects to take a pay cut which means I may soon have to resume full time work and my baby will attend a nursery/childcare centre during the day.
So far, all I have heard is negative thoughts and opinions about this from (mostly) family and some friends. However, none of these people have been in this situation and can give me any evidence that not staying at home with my baby full time is going to be detrimental to him. I want to spend as much time as possible with him but unfortunately, our circumstances just don't allow that. Looking forward to hearing your thoughts...
shalom
jezebel influence

Shalom,
Do whats best for you and your baby
Childcare centres are much better than they used to be
To work in one you nearly need a teaching degree,most mums dont have the same knowledge!
Dont listen to negative comment,everyone seems to have an opinion as to what you should do for your child once you have one.
Its impossible to please everyone-so please yourself.Its your life.
At least your child can look forward to seeing someone who treasures every single moment with them !
And I speak from experience that they usually love preschool,and will find themselves a surrogate mum.
LOVE SD
LDH

Shalom, I echo Jez's advice.
However, it is always preferential for your child to be cared for by family members during early childhood.
Infants can't tell you when they've been ignored or neglected during the day, or how long they've stayed in dirty diapers. Most children start being able to have dialogue like this around 2 years old. The recognise when things are 'out of whack'.
An alternative you may consider, certainly there are moms (not JW) who do home schooling--they often take in children to supplement the family income.
Knowing personally several women who have mad a full-time job out of watching children, I can say I would not hesitate to leave my child with them. But, for me, a 'day-care center' wouldn't cut it.
outnfree

Shalom,
It's a shame that your circumstances force you to go back to work, and full-time at that!
LDH was correct to point out that it is best to leave your baby with a member of your family during early childhood. There is nothing to compare with someone who truly loves YOUR baby because it's family. Jezebel said
...they usually love preschool, and will find themselves a surrogate mom.
wouldn't it be better if grandma or grandpa or auntie were the surrogate? After all, your son would be the apple of THEIR eye, too!
The New York Times (perhaps the NY Times Magazine?) within the past two weeks had an article which confirmed that children who stay home with Mummy (or another close relative) are better off than children who attend daycare. Perhaps this is why your family is negative?
Are they willing to help? Could you and your boyfriend live at home or find a less expensive place to live that would allow you to only work p/t? Have you figured out whether or not it will REALLY be financially worthwhile for you to work full-time if you must pay for daycare? When you stay home you eliminate [some] clothing costs, commuting costs, food costs, for example. You may be surprised to find that staying home while clipping coupons and other fiscal restraint may be in the realm of possibility after all.
Think it all through, shalom. And then do what you must.
Best wishes,
outnfree
shalom

Thank you all for your advice. Unfortunately we do not have any family that could help us out with childcare or a cheaper place to stay.
Yes, the study done by the NYT received alot of media attention over here in New Zealand also and I think that this is why many in my family now have a negative attitude to childcare centres. But I wonder if the centres here are quite different to those in the States as from what I have seen the children at my sons daycare centre are happy and well adjusted and the staff really seem to love the children they care for.
mommy

Shalom,
Hey I am just now seeing this thread, and thought I would reply. had 2 small children in daycare, because of my need to go to school and work. My son was 9 months and my daughter was 21 months old when I returned to the work force.
As Jezebel influence said,"Everyone seems to have an opinion of what you should do for your child when you have one." I will never forget this happening to me, I was advice bombed, and all so different ideas. Mind you, my mother-in-law lives in backwoods North Carolina, and was convinced my daughter needed to be wormed, yes you read that right, she said Miranda needed to be wormed before she was 3 months old. Ok I knew they wormed animals, but humans? And the herb she wanted to use was catnipyes, the herb that makes cats go crazy. This is not the only advice I was given I recieved so much I could write a book, actually still recieve good intentioned advice.
But since you asked for it here is my 2 cents. First of all, do not let anyone make you feel guilty for going back to work. You know what you are able to sacrifice, and how much you need to survive. So first things first decide on going back and the hours you will work. Also make a pros and cons list of home based daycare v/s child care centers.
I went to every childcare center in the city and inspected them, I just showed up and asked to look around. Just doing this I was able to eliminate around 5 of them. I also went to several homes of daycare providers several times just showing up unnanounced to see what the reaction would be. I was also able to eliminate people this way. My children went to a mix of child care center and also homebased child care. I actually had good views with both types of settings. It is about you feeling comfortable about leaving them that is important.
I had on more than one occasion decided to move my children to another provider because didn't like something that was going on there. I hated doing this, because of upsetting their routine, but it really benefitted them in the long run. So don't ever feel obligated for your children to stay in a certain place because that is all they know. I have had them close to me in terms of locality, like around the corner, I loved this I could go over during breaks and eat lunch with them, laying down with them during nap time, etc. I have to say this was my favorite, having them close by me.
I liked the homeiness(sp?) of home care providers, but I didn't like that there was nobody else in the home that the care provider was accountable to. You will have to realy trust the adult providing the care. I liked that in Child care centers, there are always several people around, and the children are monitored closer, imo. But there are several things that are good about both.
I know my children really became more open to others when they entered the center though, they were not so clingy to me, and after the first seperation anxiety passed they were really more their own individual. They also developed playing, sharing, and communication skills,faster than a child staying home alone with their parent.
I am going to shut up now I wish you the best of luck,and really do have a whole book I could write to you about this, but I am sure one day after you have gone through it, you will too. Just make sure you feel confident in your provider and your child is not lacking in attention. Good luck
wendy
jezebel influence

Just so anyone reading tihs knows Shalom and I are sisters.
And Mommy that was great advice!
When JAS was 1and half I was in a situation where I had to work full time for about 4mths,to save for a deposit for ahouse.If I hadnt done this I would still be living with domineering inlaws!
Before that I was of the opinion that children should only ever be looked after by family.
I thoroughly investigated about 10 preschools and found 2 that i would trust.I cant believe the state of some of those schools!
Anyway,I did enrol Jasmine and she would often cry-but she would with family also,and when I phoned 10 mins later I could hear her laughing in the back ground!
Some people who are against preschools have never been in one and they become extended family for the child.
And ps golden rule never feed a baby catnip!
shalom

Mommy, thank you for replying. I woke up this morning with the flu and have had a tearful day thinking about having to leave my baby. Your post has helped me put things into perspective. It is great to hear from people who have been there, done that y'know?
I too like the fact that the staff in centres are all accountable to the staff higher up and that they have to be qualified to work there.
And even though I feel sad about leaving my baby while he is so young, I am happy for him that he will have lots of people who love him and children to play with and new experiences as he gets older. I guess like anything you just have to try different options and see what works best.
love shalom
p.s Thanks sis for being so supportive as always!
p.p.s (beaming with pride) my wee man has HIS FIRST TOOTH !!

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