return of the prodigal

by Mommie Dark 5 Replies latest jw friends

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  Mommie Dark

  This morning my oldest son returned home after a month in the county pay-to-stay misdemeanor jail. He got drunk and shoplifted a beer (and the little nit had money in his pocket when he did it!). Someone in the prosecutor's office decided to give him a break, and instead of a stint in the county pokey he got to go to the 'offender's country club', and, most importantly, he decided to try the alcohol rehab classes they offered. He said that when he woke in jail, he had no idea how he got there. That scared him. It scared him more when he found out that he could have paid for the beer he nicked! I don't know how forthright and open he was to the concept. We haven't talked seriously since before the first class.

  He got here early enough to tussle and schmooze with Little Dark before school, and is getting ready to go do necessary follow-up business right now. I confess I am not in a hurry to bring the subject up. This is the first time he's ever acknowledged a problem with alcohol; I don't want to shove if that will get his back up. But I know that unless he deals with this thing now, we can't continue to live with its effects.

  There are a lot of other highly stressful things going on in our household right now (and what else is new for the Darks?). This may end up being another one. Hear that sound? It's those dang dice rollin&tumblin again... this morning I woke with a raging headache and my head was full of what I thought was the Trumps of Doom, but turned out to be just a physical sympathetic vibration with those tricky dice. I'm sleepy and stupid and nauseous and getting an ear infection. My husband is in Florida for job training and I miss him. My house is chaos. I'm mondo broke. AAARRGH!!!

  And all I can think of is cooking a fatted calf and getting all goofy because all my kids are safe at home.

  Now if my hubby were home it would be a perfect day.

  Grinning over her barfbag,
  Mommie
• 

  LoneWolf

  Hope things work out, kid. I've got six of those little ones myself, and sometimes it strains a brain to figure out how to handle things.

  Keep your chin up.

  LoneWolf
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  mommy

  Mommie Dark,
  ((((HUGS)))) You are so precious. I recently had a discussion with my neighbor concerning my 6 year old. She was ready to call the police, because he pulled up her flowers. As she is telling me it was her favorite daffodils and hyacinths my leg slowly was closing the door, so she couldn't see my son' victory already in a vase, on the counter, that he had brought home to his Mommy.
  When she had mentioned the police about the 3rd time, I suggested she do that. I told her go ahead and call the police on my 6 year old, I really thought it was a good idea. We minds well start training him early in the ways of the law right?
  Of course she never called, but the look on my sons face was the expression I was looking for. He knew I would allow him to answer for his own mistakes. We had talked recently about taking things that don't belong to him, even when he brought the flowers home, we went through the same speech again. He knows I will always stand beside him, but some lessons he will have to learn on his own.
  Big difference in ages between ours, but the concept is the same. They are responsible for themselves. We are just here holding their hand giving advice and being there when they need us. You seem to be a perfect example of this, I know that your son can appreciate how much you love him.
  Here is to a home without chaos
  wendy
• 

  Tina

  ((((((((((((((((MD))))))))))))
  Hang in there hun!!
  Sending smiles and good vibes your way!,luv,T
• 

  think41self

  Hi MommieD:)

  So sorry to hear you are having a run of troubles. We've all been there. I know what you mean about just being happy that your kids are all safe at home. Sometimes we make our own sunshine, with whatever little positive thing we can.

  If I may make a little suggestion regarding your son? I have spent many years with close family members struggling with alcohol addiction, so I can perhaps offer a little insight?

  To those of us who do not have this disease, it is very hard to understand. The best thing you can do for your son, to show your support of him, is educate yourself on this disease. Go to some websites, or buy some books...just learn about it. Let your son know that you are doing this in an effort to understand his struggle. The fact that he brought it up is a VERY good sign. Of course he doesn't want you to preach to him about it, or what he should do. No one can make an alcoholic not drink, not even a mother who would give up her very own life for one of her children.

  If he shows any inclination to pursue further treatment, just let him know that you support him! If it would make it easier for him to go to an AA meeting if you went, offer to go. Now don't get me wrong, I am not advocating that you try to "fix him", or jump in with great enthusiasm and try to manage his recovery. That would be as bad for him as the disease. But the more you know about it, the more you can support him in healthy ways. My sister just had her 4th year anniversary of sobriety...it can be done! But only when they are ready for help.

  OK, I'm off the soapbox now, hope this advice helps in some way. You know this already, but let your son know, you will never give up on him! Hope your hubby comes back soon. Take care of yourself.

  think41self
• 

  Jang

  Hang in there! I have been through all that and out the other side.

  My youngest two were either drunk or on drugs. Both have come out the other side but it took
  a lot of support and unconditional love. they knew beyond doubt that I loved them even though
  I didn't approve of what they did. The Son is now in business for himself, married 7 years and has
  two beautiful little girls. The daughter holds a very responsible job in Corrective Services and has
  a little boy who is absolutely gorgeous!

  The eldest son had a couple of run ins with the law too. He 'borrowed' a friends motor scooter and
  went for a ride through the pine forrest. After a couple of hours in the clink the police brought
  him home. About a year later he tried a '5 finger discount' and spent another afternoon in the
  clink. This time they kept him there longer. That scared the life out of him and we never had
  another problem like that. He is now a consultant for our largest mining company.

  So hang in there. They do get through this terrible time. When we love them and support
  their every effort they tend to try harder.

  As for the 6 year old!!!!! Aren't they lovely? All he wanted to do was get some flowrs for mummy.
  I got a whole big bunch of flowers like that from the eldest about the same age. I dealt with it by
  explaining that it was wrong to take them from the garden without permission and that he should
  go back with me to see the lady, apologise for doing it and offer to pay her or the flowers out of
  his pocket money. The lady had a better idea. She told him that the only payment she would
  accept was if he came and helped her in the garden for one afternoon. He came home so pooped
  out, and realized just how much hard work she put into her garden. He never did it again.

  As I said: Hang in there ...... they grow up.

  JanG