New District Convention Program

by messenger 6 Replies latest jw friends

  • messenger
    messenger

    WATCHTOWER CONVENTION

    2001 “Teachers Of God’s Word” District Convention Theocratic Simplification

    This year in response to increasing light it has been decided to simplify the convention arrangement for the benefit of the “other sheep” and further the use of dedicated funds for the glorious spreading of the “Good News” of God’s Kingdom. We would like to provide more details as to how this new convention arrangement will work.

    The “Faithful and Discreet Slave” who have the greatest importance of anything on earth as we know it, have revealed through increased light something new must be done to keep them from having to expend themselves in extensive travel and causing them to be tired. As a result our heavenly Father has revealed a new arrangement that will benefit all concerned with much needed “spiritual food at the proper time”.

    We will no longer meet in large crowded stadiums and arenas. Each family instead will be provided a “convention packet” with a program card that must be followed closely in order to have Jehovah’s blessing. The tremendously humble “Faithful and Discreet Slave” feel this “theocratic simplification” will save countless hours arranging such things as securing convention locations, rooming accommodations and travel.

    A written special program card will be provided to each family head to be considered with their family on the specific days allotted for the convention in your area. Again there must be no deviation as to how the program is followed so your spiritual food will have the most nourishing effect.

    The program is as follows:
    Friday Saturday Sunday
    Song 122 and prayer/song 123 and prayer/song 124 and prayer
    Read Mt 28:19,20/ Read Mt 28:19,20/ Read Mt 28:19,20
    Ten times with emphasis/same/ ten times with emphasis
    Read John 17:3/ John 17:3/ John 17:3
    25 times with emphasis/same/ same

    Lunch Lunch Lunch

    Read Ps 83:18/ Read Ps 83:18/ Read Ps 83:18
    25 times with emphasis/same same
    Read three chapters/Release new book/ Drama*
    Isaiah book four times/“Pay Attention to Amos Prophecy”/
    Ps 37: 10,11/ Ps 37:10,11/ Tell service stories
    Read 40 times/ same/ for two hours
    Say preach or die/ say preach or die/ say preach or die
    4000 times/ same same
    Read Mt 28:19,20/ read Mt 28:19,20/ read Mt 28:19,20
    25 times same same
    Song and 10 minute/ song and 15 minute/ song and 30 minute
    Prayer prayer prayer

    *Drama will consist of three broom handles with sheets over them which will be stood up in front of the family while Re. 21:4 is read 35 times with ten "preach or die" at the end.

    Food: Food should limited to dried fruit and nuts along with warm Shasta cola. Remember no snacking during the program, this would show disrespect for “theocratic arrangement”.

    New Publications: Any new publication released will be included in your special “convention packet”. These are hermetically sealed in dark plastic envelopes that elders will check in each congregation to make sure they were not opened before release time. In the event an envelope were to be opened sooner than the assigned time it will be considered “loose conduct” at which elders will take appropriate action to determine “works of repentance”. When released, the new publication may be looked at but not touched until after the program is over with. After the program you may then travel to your local Kingdom Hall and stand in line to get your copy, one for each member of the family.

    Song and Prayer: As this is the most important portion of the program, everyone is required to sing using the tapes or cd for accompaniment. The length of prayers must be observed to show respect for “theocratic arrangement”. A qualified brother must say the prayer or if not available a sister with a head covering will suffice. Each prayer will include a special blessing to be asked for the “Faithful and Discreet Slave” as well as at least four “preach or dies” inserted at the proper time.

    A Timely Provision For Youths: Most youths find that District Conventions offer them the opportunity to acquaint themselves with prospective partners in life. Therefore, the “Program Packet” will include the name and telephone numbers of available youths in “good standing” in your convention areas. Youths are only allowed telephoning these numbers during lunch break and after the program is concluded for the evening. Any youth found calling during the convention will be taken off the “good standing” list.

    Contributions For Worldwide Work: We ask that each day a special donation be set aside in a box dedicated for Kingdom Work. These funds are to be collected at the end of each day by local elders after the program has concluded. In the event there are no funds in the Kingdom Work box, elders are asked to meet and offer counsel as why individuals have chosen to no longer love Jehovah.

    We are assured that this “theocratic simplification” will result in a convention that is not only more convenient for all to attend, but will also lead to undistracted concentration on the delightsome program the unpresumptuous glorious ones known as the “Faithful and Discreet Slave” who humbly serve the interests of the “other sheep” in their efforts to represent god’s greatest gift to mankind, namely themselves.

    Your brothers,
    Watchtower Convention Headquarters

  • slipnslidemaster
    slipnslidemaster

    Oh my god!!!!!!!!! I'm going to pee myself!!!

    . o O (slipnslidemaster)

  • wasasister
    wasasister

    Bravo.

    Families are also encouraged to dim the lights during the "Broom Handle" drama portion of the program. Family heads will be instructed to check to make certain no one has dozed off.

    Even though attendance will be in private, convention badges are still requisite to obtain literature and food. When coming or going from your home, be sure to pass by, without notice, any protesting apostates wearing signs or using voice-amplification devices in your front-yard.

    It has been suggested that families - in order to recall the traditional District Convention Experience - stand in line to use their own toilet facilities. (Does not apply to brothers.)

  • Had Enough
    Had Enough

    And remember, no tail-gate picnics or going to local fastfood outlets. Lunches must be eaten in your seats and garbage disposed of properly.

    Also, remember no walking in the hallways, even if you're stiff or have arthritis and need to move around for a few minutes. That's a no-no. You MUST remain in your seats.

    And if you are a single parent with 3 children and one or all are crying, even if you have to hold one in your arms, one by the had and one hanging on your skirt/pants, you must use and obey the QUIET signs.

    Had Enough (of rigid rules)

  • TR
    TR

    That does it. I'm going back. It's getting easier and easier to be in this cult. I KNEW I shouldn't have left.[>:(]

    Now I can go camping, or go shooting paintball, or go riding my motorcyle, or take the family on a REAL vacation and STILL have God's blessing. Now I'm getting verklempt! Talk amongst yourselves! Topic: Avoiding JW responsibilities.

    TR

  • cecil
    cecil

    messenger, you wrote:

    Food: Food should limited to dried fruit and nuts along with warm Shasta cola. Remember no snacking during the program, this would show disrespect for “theocratic arrangement”.

    How about snacking betel-nuts? Would that be disrespect for "theocratic arrangements" too...?!
    * http://www.gnosticgarden.com/betel.htm

    cecil

  • logical
    logical

    Sounds quite feasable actually

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