Man up!!!
SL
Stranger in my own house, Since my wife and i don't talk much anymore nor sleep in the same bed. i feel like a stranger.
by goingthruthemotions 61 Replies latest jw experiences
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cognac
SL - stop trolling the board. Go away. -
_Morpheus
Im not opposed to the ole pulling yourself up by the bootstraps mentality but in this case it feels akin to telling a depressed person to stop being depressed. Not particularly helpful or informative -
cappytan
GTTM: Sorry you're going through this. I don't have any advice for you. I wish I did. Other's here are far more experienced in handling the "divided household" aspects. I was fortunate enough that my wife was ready to wake up when I started talking to her about my doubts.
My thoughts are with you man.
To Sophia Lose(r): Man up? Really? Why don't you "man up" and stop being anonymous? Oh, what's that? You're anonymous because you're afraid of some kind of loss (family and/or friends)? Dude, maybe that's why GTTM is playing it cool.
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cognac
I am afraid of the consequences, but it is what I want to do so badly.
This is your own quote about you being afraid to tell your mate about being an apostate. Maybe you should take your own advice Sofia. -
TD
This is going to sound very harsh and I do apologize in advance, goingthruthemotions.
Either she wants to be your wife or she doesn't
Right now, she's neither.
You may think that allowing her to continue on as the entitled, hypocritical, cake-eating, 'B' is the "nice" thing do, but human relations are often counterintuitive.
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goingthruthemotions
thank you everyone for you advice.
i would like to say first that i am not spineless and I do stand up for myself.
but, has i have gone through life...i find arguing to be a waste of time, especially with a dub.
i also feel that each and every person has free will. she has free will to stay or not, to love or not.
unfortunately i am the recieving end of this.
i will not fight for someone who is not willing to fight for me. why?
life is to short....many on here know this.
there are 2 things i want right now in my life.
1. to be happy
2. to be cult free
GTTM
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_Morpheus
^^^^ td's post, helpful and informative ^^^^ -
TheListener
Confrontation is hard and change is hard. If GTTM engages his wife about their current situation (the confrontation part) and requires changes (change #1 possibly good changes) to be made then he runs the risk of her requiring a change - divorce or separation (change #2 possibly bad changes).
I sometimes fall into the trap of: let's let sleeping dogs lie for awhile then maybe things will get better. I think that's called passive-aggressive (because I complain or mumble) or avoidant behavior (because I try to completely ignore the problem no matter how sick it makes me). (from prevention.com).
For me the problems usually don't get better, but I never learn. In time I have to do the uncomfortable thing and have a confrontation. Not a fight or arugment but at least a discussion.
GTTM I can't tell you how bad I feel about your circumstances. You don't have any really easy choices in front of you. But, above all, please take care of yourself and your kids. I don't know if they are dubs or not but either way they need your love and support.
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redvip2000
Looks like its time to play the headship card.....
Agreed. You need to be able to leverage this. After all, you are still the head of the household, even if you are not a believer. Perhaps you can point out that thousands of JWs are married to someone who simply do not believe in the religion - certainly she can appreciate that this is a fairly common scenario. Having her come to terms with this concept is the first step in stabilizing this situation and eventually begin to pick away at waking her up.
I don't think you mentioned how long this has been happening, but if she just found out your status, than this is not all that uncommon. There is usual a shock factor and some push back, which eventually stabilizes as people come to grips with reality.