OMG!!! But, hey. I knew it was in the cards. And just having moved here barely 2 months ago...ah, the Goddesses do answer requests. hahahahahaha
I've been experiencing a myriad of thought so wanted to share - especially since I'd posted something a few days ago about my JW mom. Somethings cannot be said in a short paragraph - so here goes.
My baby sister, Wanda. One of the most kindhearted(??), and beautiful smile...who told me 14 years ago, "You are a bad influence on my family." Not so much at the time because of my df status, but because I had been really angry and ugly (loud, too) in her home. Mind you, she's the one who introduced me to COC. Such irony!!!
Now through those intervening years, I'd managed to somehow, well, it's easy when you let go of JW mindspeak, to forgive myself, because there was no hope of ever speaking with her again. Self-forgiveness. My gosh, it's a wonderful blessing we bestowe upon ourself. We will, in my opinion, never be able to acknowledge our own self worth until we develop the ability to look honesty at ourselves. And that is something JW's lack. However we found ourselves at their doorstep, it is today that matters.
I read so much about the guilt, shame and fears many of us left with, and I cannot stress enough the vital importance for acknowledging that we, however it comes out at first, are exercising some grey matter.
By the time my husband turned the corner; she is a mail lady so spotted her in route, I was so excited. Thinking first that perhaps I was one of her customers yelling her name, after that, we hugged and chatted like old times. BUT, I heard her mention "going back to the meetings." OK. As we are exchanging phone numbers, I asked her about that statement; and here it comes..."I, have always entertained apostate ideas," and perhaps "you would want me to send over the elders," I did not hesitate to tell her NO. For the few brief moments she sat in her little truck giving me one of those really serious looks, says again, "you are not the kind of association I want around my family, so will not be calling you."
Now, I had already handed back her phone number, at which point she reached her hand out to shake mine, which I did. And then she said, "I will pray for you." OK....I said very calmly to her "No, I don't need your prayers, keep them for yourself."
As we turned the corner to leave I thought for a moment to cry, but I didn't. Oh, I had a few choice words about people and their everlasting ignorance. There is no love lost between myself and any such individual(s). They, too, made a decision. The only difference being, those of us former JW's accept self responsibility for what we think and do while the JW and their ilk continue in arrogant and smug self-righteousness. And I cannot even summon up pity for them. They disgust me to the deapths of my soul/spirit/ or how about it's an insult to a thinking person.
I'm going to post a big sign of the front fence "No Jehovah's Witneeses allowed." Oh yes. I'd finished playing games with those people long time ago. I really don't think they want to ressurrect my wrath. That society is meanced with such vile and wicked thinking and behaviour that I will no longer even petend to like them around me. And knowing myself as I do, posting a sign is just a damn good idea at the moment....my poor niece and nephew.
Then I'd say her husband would be pretty spineless if he allowed such a sickness to be taught his own children. GAWD...you now what, I'm really pissed. Not about how it went for me, but I'm thinking how dare those non-thinking people even pretend to educate their children.
Yeah, self-forgiveness. And too think years ago I apoliged to wordly people for not being a good example of what a JW is. Wait! I was. Now I'm that good person they could never teach me how to be. I no longer have to lie, cheat, steal, be suicidal by the age of 12.
Man, I haven't ranted like this in some time. Hubby said it's a good thing I don't have any pot around. I really talk alot then!!!!!!!
Love ya'll
granny