I Just Heard a Birthday Song...

by Saename 6 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Saename

    So I'm sitting in public area, reading The End of Faith (it's pretty clear Sam Harris is making a case against faith and not some generalized version of Islam, so I don't get all those misplaced objections...), and I just heard a group of people sing a birthday song.

    I was surprised. But not because someone was singing a birthday song. I was surprised because of my reaction.

    I wish I could say my reaction was normal, but it wasn't. I thought about how wrong it is to celebrate birthdays. I mean, what the hell? I'm an atheist. A freaking atheist who studies logic, and this is still in my head? It was a very brief moment, it lasted like a second or two, but it was there. After this second or two, I immediately woke up from this... whatever it was, it felt like a surreal dream.

    It helps you realize how deep this indoctrination runs. I've never celebrated birthdays, not even since I left, because I don't have friends. I assume that my reaction was because of that. I haven't concerned myself with birthdays even since I left, so this dislike of birthdays is still in my head. If I were to start celebrating birthdays, this rather subconscious dislike would probably disappear, but things being as they are, I left it alone in my head, and it hasn't been yet disrupted by the influence of reason.

    Does anyone want to share his or her own experiences similar to this―about how the impulses you were taught didn't leave you even after you left the religion?

  • MissFit

    My reaction to crosses. I still cant get myself to have anything cross like around. I'm not sure if i would wear one if it were gifted to me.

    Standing for the National Anthem still seems wrong.

  • problemaddict 2
    problemaddict 2

    Ugh....all of the above. I celbrate my kids birthday.....and feel "dirty" for lack of a better term. My wife did something for my 34th, and it was weird feeling (fun.....but weird).

    Anything patriotism related I feel odd. I feel against the military for some reason, which is a bit silly.

    More than anything, as an adult I deal with strange issues of feeling embarrassed or shame. Over next to nothing mind you. I think its because if I lied, messed around with a girl, swore, or pretended I was normal in school and took a valentine, I felt Jehovah was disappointed and possibly gong to kill me. So dread and shame were a constant.

    I know better. i reason myself out of it. Even when i feel it i am aware of why......but its still there in the background.


  • baker

    When I saw an Awake in the lobby of the Hospital, I felt the need to pick it up, and looked at it for a few seconds, and then threw it in the trash, where it belonged.

  • Saename

    It's amazing how those impulses don't go away just like that... I thought I wasn't the only one.

  • Wasanelder Once
    Wasanelder Once
    Happy birthday Saename! No time like the present to make up for lost time!


  • millie210

    I still slip up and call it "the truth" which is an oxymoron if ever there was one.

    How long before I wont do that anymore?

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