Looking for my little sister.

by DeadmanWalking 23 Replies latest jw experiences

  • DeadmanWalking
    DeadmanWalking

    Hey Steve2 and all who have an interest do you think I should take down this posting??????

  • Steel
    Steel

    Don't worry. You haven't given up any real personal details.

    Serious, how far away does she live? Go visit her.

  • DeadmanWalking
    DeadmanWalking

    Well I'm in Ky she's in nc but I'm on board with Steve2 this has to be done discretely. If her seeing me is going to shake up her life then I'd rather let it be. She knows we're I've been for 20 years. She fears I'm gonna try to convince her to be Jw. Last time I talked to her 20 years ago she kept saying we just have to agree to disagree when I pressed it she ended up yellin at me over the phone That's not Christen!!! and hung up. I'd like to apologize to her for that.

    I became a member here yesterday and posted some of my story cause I need help I'm glad I did just being here and reading everyone's replies and posting my experiences has given me some new light in a very dark place I've found myself to be in.

    That said, looking for her was an after thought I'd got to thinkin if she could just read my comments and my bio she'd be able to see were I'm at with my quest for peace of mind and she might feel at ease knowing I'm not contacting her to try and convert her beliefs I really think that would be disrespectful.

    I left home at moved 800miles away when she was 12 I didn't realize how much she looked up to me I know it broke her heart me not being there. But I do know she's a strong women I'm so proud of her for making up her mind and moving past all this crap early in life she's golden.

    If all that happens out of this is she just read this. And I never see her agian im satisfied. I'm going be satisfied even if she don't want to read this or reunite I love her still. I'm gonna make contact thru hopefully her husband and let it ride if the road goes on or if it dead ends I respect her and her husbands decision. Honestly I'm doing this for me but I'm not going to jeopardize her happiness to satisfy my desire to reconnect. I just want her to know I love her and I'm here for her and I understand completely if she walks from my invite to reunite.

  • smiddy
    smiddy

    This is a very heart wrenching post DMW , it just empathises how the JW religion breaks up families .

    I hope you have success in finding your "little" sister and you have a genuine loving reunion

    And whats more important I think is that she respects your attempts to contact her with no strings attached just to be family again even after so many years have passed.

    However after so long a time has passed she may think why bother now .And if that is her decision you need to respect that .

    I hope you both find a resolve in this.

  • steve2
    steve2

    Hey DMW, no I didn't mean to imply you take down your post. I just anticipated that people who respond be discreet if they do know of your sister. And yes for everyone to hold off the personal aspects lest it jeopardise your genuiness in trying to contact her. I appreciate your clarifying that your last attempt to make contact with her was 20 years ago. I'd like to think she is open to renewing contact but as said, she may well have severed her ties with her past.

  • Splash
    Splash

    Once you have declared someone as dead to you for 20 years, it's going to take an awful lot of persuading that they are miraculously alive once again.

    It may be that they choose to remain that way since having to handle the distress of being cut off yet still making a success of life.

    Unfortunate, but it seems remarkable to me to expect anything from her when you once supported kicking her to the curb when she was nothing but a child.

    Edited to add: If I were in her position I'd ask that you DA'd yourself before I'd even consider reconnecting.

  • stillin
    stillin

    I was thinking what Splash just said. I suggest that you make it very clear that YOU are no longer duped and you would like to mend fences and correct wrongs. Family should be high on most people's list but her family didn't deserve her, so she moved on.

  • John Free
    John Free

    You can but try dmw, so you've done the right thing. There is no point trying to guess what her response\feelings will be. I reconnected with my DF'ed sister after many years of cutting her out of my life. I owed her an apolagy as you can imagine, and then some. Lucky for me she was delighted to let us back into her life. I hope you are as lucky.

    On another topic have you been on the JWfacts website? I would advice spending a few hours on there exploring the research and evidence based facts presented. Unburdening yourself from the mental and emotional shackles that the organisation places upon its members is a crucial part of your recovery. Remember if it is truth it WILL stand up to ANY criticism.

  • John Free
    John Free
    If I were in her position I'd ask that you DA'd yourself before I'd even consider reconnecting.

    I think most people in your sisters position would be able to be aware that you were brainwashed and that the last thing you need is yet another relationship based on conditions. In my situation I think my sister could see that I was in a mess at that time and needed support. Her love was the best weapon she could possibly use to fight the wbts. As a result of it cousins who didn't know of one another's existence in the past, play together today.

  • DeadmanWalking
    DeadmanWalking

    Thanks John Free, I need to DA on top of being DF ??? No more conditions!!!!!

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