Something struck me last week. I have been dealing with what i can only describe as a fear of death. I'm not old and not in bad health. I'm approaching middle age I thought so maybe this is normal. But sometimes it gets to an unhealthy level, not just recognizing a feeling and analyzing it, but actual fear.
I was reading information about child development and body autonomy. I have two very small children,a nd how they develop and how i can encourage them is important to me. I read something that was fairly matter of fact, but really hit me.
The suggestion rather matter of factly was that right around the age of 8-9, children discover that their life will one day be no more. they may not have context to this, but it is a realization that they are living a one and only life so to speak. Clearly there are variations based on religion (your life changes into that of an angelic life for example), but essentially the life you know will end.
Then it hit me.......I never thought that. I assumed my life would never end. In fact, death was an enemy, not "real", and simply not even a possibility.
So the normal human behavior that comes with recognizing our limitations, finding joy in life while not being overcome by the inevitable.....simply was shuttered before it because ingrained.
I don't know why...but this was really an epiphany.