by JimmyPage 45 Replies latest jw friends
An elders daughter, wife of another elder (who himself weighed in at over 300 pounds) lost about 150 pounds, got a boob job, fixed her hair up and divorced her elder husband. He stayed an elder, evidently no "wrong doing" on his part. She remarried some bozo that looked like a GQ model and was an elder. He stayed an elder where they moved to, she pioneered. Evidently no "wrong doing" by either of them either.
It's not what you do, it's who you do. It's not what you know, it's who you blow.
As a former JW of 37 years, let me explain... This is what I experienced. I was married for just shy of 18 years to another JW. I got tired of his philandering and I went to the elders with what I thought would be proof of his indescretions and cheating. I had phone records, emails, times when he was out of town which corresponded to other evidence... They wanted no part of it and told me unless he came and confessed or I had two witnesses to his acts I would not be granted a SCRIPTURAL divorce. This scriptural divorce was the only way I would be able to date or remarry after the legal divorce was finalized and not be disfellowshipped. Needlesstosay, I called my own judicial committee meeting several months later, after my legal divorce, to inform them that they were going to have to disfellowship me as I had begun dating a "worldly man". Oh and may I add that my ex was the son of a prominent elder... So there's that element too. And nothing was ever done to him. He is in good standing to this day.
So to answer your question, yes a sister can divorce her husband without being disfellowshipped. However, if she begins to date without a scriptural divorce given by the elders, she will be questioned and if she doesn't stop dating or does remarry, she will be disfellowshipped on the grounds of adultery, just as I was.
Women and men alike have always been "allowed" to divorce for whatever reason they like. The first issue that arises if they divorce for other than an "approved" reason is whether they will thereafter be considered "exemplary" and allowed "privileges" in the congregation like pioneering or, if equipped with the appropriate appendage, serving as an elder or ministerial servant. That can be pretty arbitrary, depending on how well-liked one was before the divorce and whether the elders think the divorce was justified or not.
Aside from the stink-eye from various self-righteous busybodies, the biggest issue arises when the first of the parties wants to remarry. Then it gets complicated. If one of the former mates is an unbeliever (including those DA or DF), the one still in good standing only has to declare that they are scripturally free and that's pretty much it. If both are still JW's, one would have to provide "proof" of fornication or adultery before the congregation would sanction a remarriage. The level of proof required varies wildly, depending largely on the whims of the local elders.
It can get even more bizarre. If the guilty mate admits to adultery and is dealt with judicially (public or private reproof, or DF and later reinstated), they still are not considered scripturally free unless the "innocent" mate rejects them by formally saying they are not willing to forgive or by remarrying themselves. If the innocent mate still says they want to forgive and they do not agree to a divorce, the guilty party is not considered scripturally free. If they remarry anyway, it is considered an "adulterous marriage," and even if they are later reinstated they cannot be used in any exemplary capacity until the innocent mate either dies or remarries.
According to Watchtower rules, the only valid grounds for divorce is adultery. Any spouse, husband or wife, can file for divorce if the other spouse commits adultery.
Neglect, physical abuse and spiritual endangerment are not valid grounds for divorce. They are only valid grounds for separation.
If a JW divorces without adultery occurring then that JW loses his privileges. He or she would be disfellowshipped if they unrepentantly started and are continuing a romantic/dating relationship with someone else and/or got married.
