Geoducks (pronounced "gooey-duck," and native to coastal areas of the US Pacific Northwest) are the only tangible proof that God exists. Who else, but an intelligent creator, would plant an exact replica of the male penis deep in the sand for poor, unsuspecting humans to discover? When my girls were little, we visited a beach at low tide. They were drawn to a group of several people standing around a hole someone had dug and ran ahead of us to see what the excitment was all about. When we caught up with them, they were watching a large geoduck as it was extracted from its hiding place. The successful digger promptly plopped it into my daughter's bucket with a sly wink to me. "Oh, Mom!" she gleefully exclaimed, "Look what we have!!!" For the rest of the afternoon, she proudly showed everyone the most grotesque cosmic joke I have ever witnessed. The "thing" hung out of her pail and swung back and forth as she walked. I've never seen anything detached from a human male which looked more real. I have been told the other name for this particular mollusk is: horse clam.