by zanex 6 Replies latest social entertainment

  • zanex

    I am just feeling somewhat poetic for some reason...bear with me.

    I love my parents

    Yet will never be there, be true

    there is a wall between us

    something old, large and uncool

    I love my dad

    yet he will never see me as equal or right

    there is a barrier that blocks us

    there will NEVER be clear sight

    I love my mom

    yet will never feel her arms as they once felt

    the feeling she HAD she HAS restraints upon

    my faith in them melts

    I love my sister

    yet she follows my parents road

    we have contact and talk about our work

    no REAL emotion, she does as she is told

    It is a hardship for me

    and the end I cannot see

    I have lost those most closest to me

    for a "truth" that set me free...

    I see my daughters face now...

    I see the love and the emotion that I now grasp

    I do envy her her parents

    for the love that MY own parents had for me didnt last...

    Sorry this is kinda down...been in touch with my parents lately and it never seems to fail that I feel worse when I am in contact with them. Oh biggie....just had to get this out...

  • musky

    zanex, Great poem! You definitely have a gift. Hope things get better for you.

  • kat_newmas

    Beautiful.... it is my own story. Every line, brings the face of a family member of mine, to mind.

  • Brummie
    no REAL emotion

    So true! They are robbed of the normal human emotions because they are shown none by their fellow worshippers, no empathy, no love, nothing. It's a learned behaviour.

    Thanks for sharing zanex, it was excellent, I am sure this will be theraputic for you.


  • zanex

    musky:thanx..things are ok I just get occasional reminders of how much I lost when I left the org. Even if it was only 3 people it just happened to be the most important 3 people of my life. Oh well...things are ok though I just had to get that off my chest. A gift? It's possible but I would gladly give it up to have those 3 people back. I will never have them back though and if this gift can help anyone else then it has been worth it.

    kat_newmas: It is a story shared by all of us that have gone through the organization and gone out with family members left behind. I wonder if it is not the cruelest "truth" that we learn in the TROOF. ;)

    brummie: IS a learned behaviour..I just sometimes wish that I had never learned it. This has been very theraputic for me actually...I like this forum to express this type of sentiment on for I feel that I am actually hearing from people that can relate.

  • Brummie

    Write away zanex, I used to write similar when I was leaving, we do heal and I mindset does change for the better, I look back at some of the things I wrote and it seems like centuries ago that I harboured those feelings. Also it took a few years but my mother left the WT so never say never when it comes to your family.

    Here is a wierd one I wrote

    Glad you found this board were people can understand the trauma caused by the WT, yep it is cruel.


  • zanex

    Brummie: i read what you wrote...very very good. I like it a lot. I felt is odd to make such a similar connection with someone that I have never met...jw's scar deep no matter who or what you came from. Hmmm kind of ironic that the mental lashing we all took as members of the borg became the uniting factor...;)

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