I'm hosting a Memorial for a friend

by RAYZORBLADE 6 Replies latest jw friends

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  RAYZORBLADE

  Hi folks, in a little over a week, I am hosting a memorial. It is for a friend of mine that passed away suddenly just a couple of days before New Years 2003. He suffered a brain aneurysm. We were to celebrate his 38th birthday, just a week later.

  Sad to say, his birthday, was his funeral.

  Given the unexpectency of his passing, it hit us all VERY HARD. He was a very good friend, and I still find it hard to believe he is gone.

  Anyways, no worries, I'm OK. But I was wondering with some of you on this forum: have you ever hosted a memorial service for someone? I know that one or two of you have, but I'm just interested in your suggestions or ideas.

  I'm not doing this alone, and everyone has been very good. We're holding this memorial at a tavern that has a backroom, where we have plenty of seating, a microphone (for people to speak), food and beverages, and a place for people to tack up photos. It'll probably be a 3-4 hour affair, as people will file in, get comfortable, have a snack, and then the chaplin will officiate things an hour or two into the event.

  I'm interested in your feedback.

  None of what we are doing is carved in stone or being followed to a T. We want it to be casual, comfortable and easy for people to share their thoughts and feelings towards our late friend, brother, uncle, co-worker and sorely missed wonderful human being.

  Thanks in advance.
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  starfish422

  Hi Ray,

  First, I am very, very sorry for your friend's passing. What a shock it must have been for his family and friends; anneurism can take a life so quickly, eh?

  The ideas you have sound great; something very relaxed and a celebration of his life. Of course since a bit of time has passed since his passing the wound isn't quite as a fresh so it can be less of a mournful thing, though still sad.

  I went to a memorial a few years ago that was quite formal; but afterward during the reception, a swing band, in which the honouree had been a member, played WWII-time tunes and the mood was quite jovial. In that case as well, the memorial was held a few months after his passing.

  Was your friend into music, cars, etc or something in particular? Perhaps he had a collection of swag regarding a particular event or something that could be displayed, to stimulate conversation among the attendees.

  Good luck; my condolences again. :)
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  Scully

  Ray:

  I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. Aneurysms are one of those things that are difficult to predict, and by the time they are symptomatic, it's almost always too late. Such a waste of a young life too.

  I think this is a wonderful way to celebrate your friend's life with those closest to him. Maybe asking around for people to bring photographs to contribute to a collage in his honour - have a large poster board with scissors and a glue-stick available to create the collage right there at the gathering - each person can do their own thing with their photos and put them on the collage themselves. You could have it laminated afterward and then present it as a gift to his surviving family members, as a tribute to how much your friend was loved and valued.

  You can also have a guest book and invite people to write a few words to your friend - a special memory they shared - a poem - anything - which will also be a wonderful keepsake for your friend's family.

  Although the occasion is because of everyone's sadness over your friend's sudden death, sharing good memories together will help make it a loving tribute to his memory.

  You are a special person to put this together for your friend. I'm sure he appreciates it, where ever he is.

  Love, Scully
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  LyinEyes

  Oh, I am so sorry to hear that such a young life is gone. That really is tragic when it happens so suddenly .

  Your memorial for him sounds like a great idea.

  JW's funerals make me sick. My husband WildTurkey was an elder when he gave his last funeral talk. There were many d/f relatives, other family members of different religions there and of course all of the JW's. This brother was old and was sick for awhile.

  My husband instead of sticking word for word to the JW outline, added alot to the talk in his own way. He really talked about this brother, he great qualities, the times he helped others, the years he was always doing for others, and how everyone could always turn to Bro. Ford for anything.

  He also made everyone laugh,,,,,,,,can you believe that ,,,,,,,,,people at a JW funeral laughing??? He did this by telling all the stories they shared while out in field service, all the laughter they shared.

  This brohter was know for his corney jokes........ and my husband even mentioned how that Bro. Ford always had a bag of jokes no matter what. And that his laughter was just contagious.

  After the service the family,,,,,,,were so happy with the service, because of this personal touch. It made them cry , and it made them laugh,,,,,, remember the man that he was. Keeping his memory alive . We all sat there in that audiance and really felt that the man laying in that casket will be deeply missed. It meant so much to the family to know that he brought so much laughter to all of us who were around him thru his life.

  I went to one other JW funeral, that was also unique......... it was was different and even some had some frowns as to how it was done. But the family of this person, wanted it to be a celebration of his life and how he would have wanted everyone to not be gathered in sorrow. His last wish was that people would have great memories of him, and not of his sick in his last days.

  When we walked into the hall, they had personal pictures of this brother, from childhood , his young adult hood, and this beautiful picture of him,,,,,,,an 8x10 of this brother, his last good picuture, of him smiling and waving. It touched us all, it was like he was there............ I can't explain it , the picture was like he knew we were hurting and was waving to us,,,,,,,,,, to smile and he would see us again.

  I would want my memorial to be this way..............to remember who I was, and to comfort my family.

  Keep us posted asto how it goes.
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  Inserter

  What is really nice, is a slide show of personal photographs done to your friends favorite music.
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  cruzanheart

  I'm so very sorry about your friend. I was very pleased with my dad's memorial service last Saturday. We had it at his retirement home where he had many friends and was very happy. I asked the residents if any of them wanted to speak, and we had three who wanted to speak and one who wanted to sing "Amazing Grace." So we started with the song and then a friend of ours, whose wedding Dad had performed, got up and spoke about Dad, his life, and his hope. I didn't want to sweep that under the carpet because being a JW was part of what Dad was, but Henry was a dear and kept it casual, not preachy. No informercial. Then the three residents got up and spoke -- they each told a favorite story about Dad. Big Tex got up next and spoke to the children about how Grandpa wanted them to grow up to be people who showed love, and he read the scripture in Corinthians about the definition of love. I spoke last and thanked everyone for being so nice to my dad, and read Matt. 25 where Jesus said that if we did nice things, it was like doing it to him. Then we closed with prayer. It was very informal but very comforting.

  Whatever you decide to do, it will be a tribute to your friend, and that's what it should be. Raise a glass to him for me. May he be at peace.

  Nina
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  RAYZORBLADE

  Thank you to those who offered some suggestions for next weekends Memorial.

  Believe it or not, I grabbed my daytimer, and scribbled in a few of your suggestions. Most of the things that were mentioned by some of you are going to happen.

  The Guest Book item, I am going to bring one of those, but I had not considered that before.

  We will have some music, some of his favourite tunes. There will be a few sheets of bristol board, and his good friend will put them up. On the board, will be numerous photographs. We also have access to a cork board which is on the wall where we will be gathering. We will put up his poetry, stories and other unique items.

  I had one good photo of he and I together, so I duplicated 25 copies. He came from a very large family (15 siblings altogether). I will have those available to each family member and his mature nieces and nephews.

  There will be time for people to go up and read poetry, letters or share their thoughts, and definitely some humour. Rob (his name) was a great guy. He lived with NF (neurofibromytosis), which for some of you who do not know, it's also known as the Elephant Mans Disease (I hate calling it that). He had a facial anomoly, but it's interesting, when you're friends with someone like that, you DON'T even notice it. He was my friend, and he could crack me up like no one else.

  I offered the memorial as a suggestion, having done it once myself after my father passed away in November 2001. A friend suggested it. I couldn't make any sense of its value prior to the event (I was not close to my father, whatsoever). Oddly enough, after I had arranged it with my friend, who is a chaplin, it slowly come together. I invited over a select few friends, and we gathered on a Saturday night, and we sat and talked and shared thoughts and feelings. For my friends who either could not make it, or were too far away (overseas) I placed their pictures on a curtain near the table where I had placed pictures of my father from when he was a young man back in the late 1950s. I had his obituary enlarged, and I wrote little notes by any photos I had of him.

  One photo of him was from 1960. It was my father with my older half-brother. I chose that to be enlarged as it was the only time I could honestly say, I had no negative feeling towards him when looking at him. My rationale, I wasn't even born yet, and I didn't know the man in 1960. I was born in 1962.

  Anyways, I went off on a minor tangent there.

  Cruzanheart, I'm so glad you responded. I do recall your post of several weeks ago about your father, and I knew you and your husband (Big Tex) were going to do something special to mark your father's memory. I'm looking forward to next weeks memorial. I know it will give me some satisfaction, and help keep the memory of Robert alive for a long time to come.

  Thanks to: starfish, Scully, Inserter and LyinEyes for your kind and generous thoughts and suggestions. I wrote them down .

  I'll let you know how things go, next weekend (probably Sunday).