YOU MIGHT BE A JW if......part 1

by SillyPutty 1 Replies latest jw friends

  • SillyPutty

    You might be a JW if...

    This information is intended to be humorous yet show some of the characteristics exhibited by Jehovah's Witnesses:

    1. If your reaction to someone wearing a Cross is the same

    as a vampire's, you might be a JW.

    2. If you think demons can reduce their size to fit in jewelry,

    furniture, books, or into blue smurfs you might be a JW.

    3 If you equate the numbers 1 to 5 with hours on a time slip, you

    might be a JW (just not a very good one)

    4. If you feel that death is much more important than birth, you

    might be a JW

    5. If you think all R-rated movies are not worth seeing, you might

    be a JW

    6. If you think all men with beards and long hair are not acceptable,

    you might be a JW

    7. If you think that Circuit Overseers do not receive a salary,

    you are a JW

    8. If you think Circuit and District Overseers stay in cheap hotels

    or the drafty homes of common neighborhood folk during conventions,

    your are a JW.

    9. If you think Jesus hasn't accomplished much of anything for

    the past 83 years, you aren't the only JW who does.

    10. If you think JW's are not a cult, you are a pitiful JW

    11. If you think the Wt is not capable of mind control, you are a JW

    12. If you think field service is other than working in the corn fields,

    you might be a JW.

    13. If you think elders are other than elderly people, you might be a


    14. If the newspaper headlines read "All humans on earth are smashed,

    and destroyed on Christmas day. Only JW's survive!!" and this would

    brings joy to your heart, you'd be a JW

    15. If you have constant pain in your right shoulder and can't

    unclasp your right hand, you probably have bookbagitis, a disease

    unique to JWs

    16. If you can't have a conversation with another human being without

    hearing a voice in your head saying, "CONVERT HIM OR DIE!", you are

    probably a Dub.

    17. If you are a male and sitting in a Kingdom Hall when a very good

    looking young lady comes in in a mini skirt, and your first thought

    is, "How immodest that sister is!" rather than "Oh THANK GOD!!",

    then most likely you're a jdub

    18.If you eat a Turkey on Thanksgiving and feel guilty about it but

    insist that it is only because they were "on sale", you are a Dub.

    19.If you have costume parties for the "young ones" within a month of

    Halloween, and, if you wrap presents in brown paper to give to each

    other on "Family Gift Day", you are not only a Dub but a Worldly

    Wannabe and aren't fooling anybody.

    20.If you have awful dreams about getting caught holding someone else's

    cigarette and no one will believe you that it's not yours, you’re

    probably Dub.

    21.If you can't buy a pair of shoes without thinking about how

    comfortable they will need to be while walking down residential

    streets in 95 degree heat, then you’re a Dub.

    22.If you just bought a dress that comes down to your mid calf that has

    puffy sleeves, a collar that buttons to your chin and lace trim, then

    you are a Dub with a part on an Assembly. You might be even thinking

    about wearing makeup for the occasion.

    23.If you have a child that is 3 years old that sits quietly for hours

    at a time while adults discuss mind numbingly boring topics around

    him, and you brag about him to all your might as well

    get a saddle for him and ride him because you broke his spirit and he

    is no longer a child. And you might be a Jehovah's Witness.

    24. If you allow an organization to take the place of Christ, you are

    most likely a JW.

    25. If you think of an ark as an organization, your must be a JW.


    PS....which ones do you like?

  • xjw_b12

    Hey SillyPutty. I see the Active Page is about 3 hours behind this morning, and now your post is about 3 pages back, so I think I will bring it back to the most recent.

    Very funny by the way.

    My favorite :

    14. If the newspaper headlines read "All humans on earth are smashed, and destroyed on Christmas day. Only JW's survive!!" and this would brings joy to your heart, you'd be a JW

    I remember when I was a teenager, my mother saying one day " wouldn't it be great if Armageddon came on Christmas day, and destroy all those smug pagans "

    btw she no longer feels that way !

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