You might be a JW if...
This information is intended to be humorous yet show some of the characteristics exhibited by Jehovah's Witnesses:
1. If your reaction to someone wearing a Cross is the same
as a vampire's, you might be a JW.
2. If you think demons can reduce their size to fit in jewelry,
furniture, books, or into blue smurfs you might be a JW.
3 If you equate the numbers 1 to 5 with hours on a time slip, you
might be a JW (just not a very good one)
4. If you feel that death is much more important than birth, you
might be a JW
5. If you think all R-rated movies are not worth seeing, you might
be a JW
6. If you think all men with beards and long hair are not acceptable,
you might be a JW
7. If you think that Circuit Overseers do not receive a salary,
you are a JW
8. If you think Circuit and District Overseers stay in cheap hotels
or the drafty homes of common neighborhood folk during conventions,
your are a JW.
9. If you think Jesus hasn't accomplished much of anything for
the past 83 years, you aren't the only JW who does.
10. If you think JW's are not a cult, you are a pitiful JW
11. If you think the Wt is not capable of mind control, you are a JW
12. If you think field service is other than working in the corn fields,
you might be a JW.
13. If you think elders are other than elderly people, you might be a
14. If the newspaper headlines read "All humans on earth are smashed,
and destroyed on Christmas day. Only JW's survive!!" and this would
brings joy to your heart, you'd be a JW
15. If you have constant pain in your right shoulder and can't
unclasp your right hand, you probably have bookbagitis, a disease
unique to JWs
16. If you can't have a conversation with another human being without
hearing a voice in your head saying, "CONVERT HIM OR DIE!", you are
probably a Dub.
17. If you are a male and sitting in a Kingdom Hall when a very good
looking young lady comes in in a mini skirt, and your first thought
is, "How immodest that sister is!" rather than "Oh THANK GOD!!",
then most likely you're a jdub
18.If you eat a Turkey on Thanksgiving and feel guilty about it but
insist that it is only because they were "on sale", you are a Dub.
19.If you have costume parties for the "young ones" within a month of
Halloween, and, if you wrap presents in brown paper to give to each
other on "Family Gift Day", you are not only a Dub but a Worldly
Wannabe and aren't fooling anybody.
20.If you have awful dreams about getting caught holding someone else's
cigarette and no one will believe you that it's not yours, you’re
21.If you can't buy a pair of shoes without thinking about how
comfortable they will need to be while walking down residential
streets in 95 degree heat, then you’re a Dub.
22.If you just bought a dress that comes down to your mid calf that has
puffy sleeves, a collar that buttons to your chin and lace trim, then
you are a Dub with a part on an Assembly. You might be even thinking
about wearing makeup for the occasion.
23.If you have a child that is 3 years old that sits quietly for hours
at a time while adults discuss mind numbingly boring topics around
him, and you brag about him to all your friends....you might as well
get a saddle for him and ride him because you broke his spirit and he
is no longer a child. And you might be a Jehovah's Witness.
24. If you allow an organization to take the place of Christ, you are
most likely a JW.
25. If you think of an ark as an organization, your must be a JW.
PS....which ones do you like?